In Essentials Unity

I've been thinking a lot recently about a phrase I've heard most of my life:

"In Essentials Unity, in Non-Essentials Liberty, In All Things Charity."

This phrase has been attributed to a number of people down through the centuries, including some speculation that Augustine of Hippo (354-430AD) may have been the first one to use it.  Most of the time I have heard this phrase used in the context of theological and spiritual frameworks, but I think it has much broader applications than that! I have too many thoughts about each of these layers to make them all fit into one message, so this will be the first of three messages, and we'll start with the first layer this week.

In Essentials Unity

When we think about what is actually essential, we quickly discover it's a short list!  For example, what is essential for life? Food, water, safety. Anything else? What is essential for a loving relationship? Mutual respect, commitment, a desire to serve. What else?

See what I mean? When we start thinking about what is actually essential, the list gets pretty small, pretty quick. These are the kind of things we see listed in documents like The Declaration of Independence or various Constitutions around the world. Essentials are the items in the mission statements of nonprofits and service organizations. They are the basic core realities of what define and shape us as a group, things we can all agree (Unity) are vital to our functionality, whether we are a family, a team, a religion, or a country. 

Whenever I meet with a new group to engage in group coaching or I am working with a team on developing their collaborative synergy, this is Essential work we must do - talk about the basics of what we agree will help to guide us.  For example, in a group coaching setting we will go through an exercise of setting our agreed upon ground rules for our time together (confidentiality, how we are going to manage discussion, time boundaries, etc.). These become our Essentials that help to Unite and guide us. By focusing and agreeing on these Essentials, we create the space for diving into areas that may require more wrestling and even disagreement (more on that next week). When we have Unity in Essentials, it creates a strong foundation from which we can work, collaborate, and create together.

As you think about the various groups and teams you are part of, what do you think are the Essentials for that group? How short could you make that list? What do you think the impact would be if you were able to name the Essentials together and be really clear about them? "This is the bottom line of what unites us together!" What would it take to also protect that short list and use it as a reminder for your ongoing work together?

Here's to finding Unity in Essentials this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Go Ahead - Say It!

I am currently visiting with some family members who are going through some medical issues. Things are going well, but being in this environment and these circumstances have reminded me of a practice my partner and I have tried to adopt over the past several years - taking the time to actually tell people how you feel about them.  It seems like we often leave a lot of things unsaid like, "I really appreciate/love you," or "You did such a great job with that situation."  We may often think about them, but we don't always take the extra step to actually say those important messages.

Here are a few things I have found over the years of trying to put this into practice:

It Can Be Difficult

Taking the extra time to articulate those important messages requires courage and effort.  It's easier to just leave them unsaid than to lean in, find the words, and let them out.

It Helps to Pause

Once we've found the courage to say whatever it is, we can also be tempted to just spit it out and run! But taking time to pause and give the other person a chance to respond, even if they don't, leaves space for the power and importance of the words to settle.

It's Often Worth It

There hasn't been a single situation where I have regretted expressing myself, and often, my words get reciprocated with something meaningful, even if it's just the other person acknowledging and receiving them. Many times, it opens up the space where they say something just as meaningful back, and we all get to share in the beauty of shared relationship. 

Now it may be tempting to think I am mainly talking about serious situations or family dynamics, but I think this can be true in all kinds of circumstances. What if you took the time to tell a coworker you really liked their outfit, or you appreciated the way they handled that situation? Could you express genuine gratitude for a simple act of kindness you witnessed? What if you told an essential worker, like the clerk at a grocery store or gas station, you appreciate the good job they are doing? Of course, it can also be in those significant moments too, like reminding someone you love them, or they have really made a major impact on your life.

Regardless of whether the moment seems significant or minor, and even though it may be difficult and require some courage, I don't think you will regret going ahead and saying what's on your mind and heart.

Here's to taking a risk and Saying It this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Fresh Eyes

We recently had some people over to our house for a gathering. Of course that involved getting things ready, cleaning, yard work, etc. (I'm still convinced that part of the reason my conservative college had an open house in the dorms every other week was to force some of us to clean our rooms!). That process of getting ready and then sharing time with people in that very familiar space, reminded me of seeing the world with "Fresh Eyes."  

For example, one of the preparation tasks was to go around and look for cobwebs in the plants and our retaining wall area in our backyard. Truthfully, I don't pay very close attention to that, but since I was looking with fresh eyes, I was surprised at how many cobwebs I found! I also walked our pathway to the top of the hill in our yard, collecting debris and generally cleaning up.  Not a section I go to very often, but we do have a couple of chairs up there.  One of our guests commented on it to me, saying how cool they thought it was that we created a small sitting area up there. A fresh set of eyes reminded me that space is cool, and I should sit up there more often!

It's easy to get so accustomed to seeing the same things in the same places, we just don't really notice them anymore. This is why seeing the world with fresh eyes, or a different perspective can be so helpful. Sometimes I think those fresh eyes can be ours, when we purposefully start looking for something (like the cobwebs). Other times, those fresh eyes can come from people around us and we get to see life through their perspective, which helps to open us up (like my friend commenting about my sitting area at the top of my hill). Regardless of whether it's me trying to see something with my own fresh perspective, or taking in the world through another person's view, seeing with Fresh Eyes can really help to open us up to new alternatives and approaches to life.

If you were to look at a challenge you are currently facing with some fresh eyes, how might that help you find a new angle to approach it? Is there someone you trust you can share that challenge with so you can get their perspective on the situation? How might just taking another, more direct look at it help to shift it from being a challenge to being an opportunity?

Here's to taking a look with some Fresh Eyes this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.