In Non-Essentials Liberty

Last week we started a small series of messages around a phrase I have heard almost my whole life:

In Essentials Unity, In Non-Essentials Liberty, In All Things Charity.

In that first installment we analyzed the opening phrase regarding Unity in Essentials.  Today I want to focus on the second phrase.

In Non-Essentials Liberty

Liberty is an interesting word that we don't hear in regular conversation too much unless it's a call to protect our liberties, where it is mostly used as a noun. But in this context, it's an adjective used to describe our approach toward Non-Essentials. In other words, when we are considering what doesn't fit in the Essentials category (the Non-Essentials), then we want to approach those items with some extra freedom and a loose grip. The intent is to create some "room to roam" within certain contexts and categories.

As an example, let's look back at one of our illustrations from last week.  I wrote, "What is essential for a loving relationship? Mutual respect, commitment, a desire to serve. What else?" The list of essentials in a healthy, loving relationship is a pretty short list. However, there are a lot of things on the Non-Essentials list when it comes to relationships: hair, height, sense of humor, eye color, favorite movie, food likes, etc., etc., etc.  The list is actually pretty extensive, which creates a lot of room for personal preference. Thankfully we apply Liberty to the Non-Essentials in relationships which allows us to have significant diversity in what a relationship looks like. 

This is one of the things I really appreciate about this phrase, because Liberty in Non-Essentials allows for the depth of complexity that exists in our world. It helps us to embrace diversity as a gift. It allows us to be able to find some common ground while also creating room for healthy disagreement and conflict to exist.  The truth is, if we all had to think or act in the exact same way, the world would be a pretty boring place.

But here's the thing, much of the time we try and push too many things that are in the Non-Essential category where we should be embracing Liberty, and we move them into the Essential space where we demand unity and conformity. We keep expanding what should be a short list of Essentials by adding more and more things from the Non-Essential categories, and in the process we want everyone to think and act just like we do, instead of appreciating our differences where various perspectives can actually help us all be better.

Where are the places in life where you are tempted to push things from the Non-Essential categories into the Essentials list? How could you look at diversity and complexity as a gift and find room for Liberty in those spaces? Is there a person or perspective you have found frustrating, and you can now see that part of the reason for that frustration is you're expecting them to think or act in agreement with you? How could you use Liberty and curiosity to understand their perspective more? What do you think their perspective might even be able to teach you as you find Unity in (just!) Essentials with them, and then apply Liberty in the Non-Essentials?

Here's to living with Liberty in the Non-Essentials this week!  (Thankfully, it's a pretty big list!)

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

In Essentials Unity

I've been thinking a lot recently about a phrase I've heard most of my life:

"In Essentials Unity, in Non-Essentials Liberty, In All Things Charity."

This phrase has been attributed to a number of people down through the centuries, including some speculation that Augustine of Hippo (354-430AD) may have been the first one to use it.  Most of the time I have heard this phrase used in the context of theological and spiritual frameworks, but I think it has much broader applications than that! I have too many thoughts about each of these layers to make them all fit into one message, so this will be the first of three messages, and we'll start with the first layer this week.

In Essentials Unity

When we think about what is actually essential, we quickly discover it's a short list!  For example, what is essential for life? Food, water, safety. Anything else? What is essential for a loving relationship? Mutual respect, commitment, a desire to serve. What else?

See what I mean? When we start thinking about what is actually essential, the list gets pretty small, pretty quick. These are the kind of things we see listed in documents like The Declaration of Independence or various Constitutions around the world. Essentials are the items in the mission statements of nonprofits and service organizations. They are the basic core realities of what define and shape us as a group, things we can all agree (Unity) are vital to our functionality, whether we are a family, a team, a religion, or a country. 

Whenever I meet with a new group to engage in group coaching or I am working with a team on developing their collaborative synergy, this is Essential work we must do - talk about the basics of what we agree will help to guide us.  For example, in a group coaching setting we will go through an exercise of setting our agreed upon ground rules for our time together (confidentiality, how we are going to manage discussion, time boundaries, etc.). These become our Essentials that help to Unite and guide us. By focusing and agreeing on these Essentials, we create the space for diving into areas that may require more wrestling and even disagreement (more on that next week). When we have Unity in Essentials, it creates a strong foundation from which we can work, collaborate, and create together.

As you think about the various groups and teams you are part of, what do you think are the Essentials for that group? How short could you make that list? What do you think the impact would be if you were able to name the Essentials together and be really clear about them? "This is the bottom line of what unites us together!" What would it take to also protect that short list and use it as a reminder for your ongoing work together?

Here's to finding Unity in Essentials this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Go Ahead - Say It!

I am currently visiting with some family members who are going through some medical issues. Things are going well, but being in this environment and these circumstances have reminded me of a practice my partner and I have tried to adopt over the past several years - taking the time to actually tell people how you feel about them.  It seems like we often leave a lot of things unsaid like, "I really appreciate/love you," or "You did such a great job with that situation."  We may often think about them, but we don't always take the extra step to actually say those important messages.

Here are a few things I have found over the years of trying to put this into practice:

It Can Be Difficult

Taking the extra time to articulate those important messages requires courage and effort.  It's easier to just leave them unsaid than to lean in, find the words, and let them out.

It Helps to Pause

Once we've found the courage to say whatever it is, we can also be tempted to just spit it out and run! But taking time to pause and give the other person a chance to respond, even if they don't, leaves space for the power and importance of the words to settle.

It's Often Worth It

There hasn't been a single situation where I have regretted expressing myself, and often, my words get reciprocated with something meaningful, even if it's just the other person acknowledging and receiving them. Many times, it opens up the space where they say something just as meaningful back, and we all get to share in the beauty of shared relationship. 

Now it may be tempting to think I am mainly talking about serious situations or family dynamics, but I think this can be true in all kinds of circumstances. What if you took the time to tell a coworker you really liked their outfit, or you appreciated the way they handled that situation? Could you express genuine gratitude for a simple act of kindness you witnessed? What if you told an essential worker, like the clerk at a grocery store or gas station, you appreciate the good job they are doing? Of course, it can also be in those significant moments too, like reminding someone you love them, or they have really made a major impact on your life.

Regardless of whether the moment seems significant or minor, and even though it may be difficult and require some courage, I don't think you will regret going ahead and saying what's on your mind and heart.

Here's to taking a risk and Saying It this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.