Our Part

I was chatting with a colleague who is a recipient of my weekly email about last week's message on Better Conversations. One of the things they pointed out to me was that engaging in these conversations would actually require both parties to agree to the Grounding Virtues. They helped me realize that while I just assumed everyone would want to lean in and engage in healthy discourse like this, not everyone is actually invested in moving forward in that way.  Some people are more invested in being right or maintaining their positions of power or authority than they are sitting down as equals with others across the table.

Of course, as the Laws of Entanglement would have it, I was also in a group coaching session where one of the participants was sharing with us about a very difficult leadership situation where they are trying to provide some direction and guidance to an up-and-coming leader. One of the challenges they are facing with this individual, and part of their ask for our group to help them process, was the fact that this young leader has all the right words and answers to questions, but they are unwilling to listen to other perspectives or receive feedback when "their way" may not actually be the best way. 

As an example, they asked this person to take on a task that had some pretty clear instructions about how to prepare a particular product, which they did. But the final product didn't turn out very well, and when the person who is guiding them asked them about it, they said, "Well, I didn't follow the instructions because I thought there was a better way to do it."

As we discussed this situation, one of the things that became clear was the focus of this week's message: Sometimes we have to remember that we can only take responsibility for Our Part. The reality is, that's true in every circumstance. We can't control what other people may or may not do. We can only ever take responsibility for what Our Part is in life.

Just this morning I had another conversation about this with a particular circumstance in my own life. There are things about this situation that I wish I could blame on others, or that I tend to wring my hands and say, "Well, if it isn't happening, then what can I do?!" But what I am recognizing is I have to be willing to take responsibility for My Part. It very well may be true that others aren't going to do their part, but if I'm not doing My Part, then I will continue to feel out of control because I am not taking control of what I actually can, which is My Part!

As you think about this idea this week, are there individuals or circumstances where you are tempted to want to place the blame on someone else? How could you look at the situation with greater clarity and rather than investing energy on blame, honestly look at what Your Part is and how you could take responsibility for that?  How could we (our lives, our teams, our communities, our world) all benefit from embracing a growth mindset where we leaned in, continued to grow, and took responsibility for Our Parts? How might taking a solutions-focused approach make it easier for us to look at problems differently and help us more clearly take responsibility for Our Parts?

Here's to being people of ongoing growth who are willing take responsibility for Our Parts this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Better Conversations

I am currently in Oklahoma City for some meetings and had the chance to do a little exploring in the city yesterday, which included visiting the site and museum of the Oklahoma City bombing incident from 1995. Part of that community's recovery process from that tragedy was to learn from what went wrong and work to change the conversations we can have together as humans. One of those efforts includes this booth they have set up in the beautiful gardens that are part of their memorial.

When I sat down inside of it with my partner, here is what we saw in front of us.

I realize you may not be able to read all of that fine print, so here is the link to their website that explains more about this project www.memorialmuseum.com/betterconversations.

As we sat and read these words in front of us, we both looked up at each other and said, "We need one of these in our town!" The more I thought about it, the more I think we need one of these booths in every town in our world! So, for this week's reflection, I simply offer you their words. These are their 6 Grounding Virtues that guide their project of creating Better Conversations. As you read them, think about the ways in which you might use them in your life.

Words That Matter - The words we use shape how we understand ourselves, how we interpret the world, how we treat others.

Hospitality - Hospitality is a bridge to all the great virtues, but it is immediately accessible. You don’t have to love or forgive or feel compassion to extend hospitality.

Humility - Humility is a companion to curiosity, surprise, and delight. Spiritual humility is not about getting small. It is about encouraging others to be big.

Generous Listening - Listening is more than being quiet while others have their say. It is about presence as much as receiving; it is about connection more than observing.

Patience - Human transformation takes time — longer than we want it to — but it is what is necessary for social transformation. A long, patient view of time will replenish our sense of our capacities and our hope for the world.

Adventurous Civility - Civility, in our world of change, is about creating new possibilities for living forward while being different and even continuing to hold profound disagreement.

Here's to having Better Conversations!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Uncertainty

I'm wondering if you are feeling some of the same things I am sensing in the atmosphere these days? Uncertainty! It feels like there is just so much happening in the world that is unpredictable, coupled with non-stop change, it kind of makes my head spin!

What's the price of gas this week? Where's the latest conflict in the world? We just launched astronauts headed to the moon?! I've got how many messages in my inbox? Who just lost their job in the government? The forecast is calling for what this week? When's the next election and who's running again? What's the latest recommendation on best diets these days?

Seriously! Anyone else feeling that too?!  Uncertainty in the atmosphere!

So how do we cope when all of that is just swirling around us all the time?

I'm not going to attempt to give you a simple, 3 step solution to facing all of this, mainly because I don't think I'm that naive and neither are you! However, I would like to share some ideas and practices that I am trying and that I am hearing from others that they are trying. As you read these ideas, please don't think of them as a prescription or a cure, but rather more like, "Here are some ideas you might try, and maybe something will help us all cope just a little bit better with all this Uncertainty!"

Idea #1: Breathe! Find some time to take a few minutes of deep breathing while being still.  Over the past couple of months I have been pleasantly surprised at how just a few minutes of being still, closing my eyes, and taking some deep, cleansing breaths has made a significant impact on helping settle my nervous system.

Idea #2: Take the long way home! I have one friend who takes the long way home (20 minutes instead of 10) because that extra 10 minutes of driving makes such a big impact on how they walk in the door when they get home. I have another friend who still takes the quick way home, but they sit in their car in the garage for a few extra minutes before they walk in the door to help settle themselves. Either way, maybe a few extra minutes after work can help to leave work at work?

Idea #3: Get into nature! I was chatting with someone last week who was getting ready to move into their new place and one of the things they said they were looking forward to the most was getting to explore all the new trails around their new house. Maybe it would be helpful to combine Idea #1 with this idea and take some time to be still and breathe in some deep fresh air from being outside in nature?! Plus I hear Vitamin D from the sun helps with boosting our endorphins!

Idea #4: Be Compassionate! Figure out how to be kind to yourself and know that it's ok to not be perfect all the time! Or maybe being compassionate is about giving yourself permission to sleep in or to go ahead and play that game with your friends? There's something powerful about giving ourselves grace and kindness!

Which one of these ideas resonates with you today as you face the Uncertainty in the air? Do they bring up other ideas and practices you are trying that are helping you cope and find a sense of grounding in your life? 

Here's to engaging in ways that help us navigate all this Uncertainty a little bit easier!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.