
In case you haven't been following along, we are currently exploring the 8 Cs of Self-Leadership from the IFS-Institute and their founder, Dr. Richard Swartz (Calm, Curiosity, Confidence, Compassion, Creativity, Courage, Clarity, and Connectedness). My desire is for this series to help us create some positive focus as we keep moving forward into 2025.
We've already touched on Calm, Curiosity, and Confidence, and this week we turn our attention to Compassion.
Compassion
There are lots of ideas out there related to what Compassion is and the truth is, we could spend a lot of weekly messages thinking about this one topic. So, to help us with a little bit of focus I thought I would use one of the definitions of compassion that the IFS-Institute uses to describe it. Compassion is to be open-heartedly present and appreciative of others and one’s self without feeling the urge to fix, change, distance, or judge.
I think we need to read that again, giving ourselves some time to just let it sink in.
Compassion is to be open-heartedly present and appreciative of others and one’s self without feeling the urge to fix, change, distance, or judge.
There are so many layers, just in that one definition!
Open-Heartedly Present
Remembering that part of the IFS-Institute's idea behind these 8C's is that we would be growing and working to expand them in our lives, this challenges me to not just be present with people and myself, but to be open-heartedly present. I may be working to be more present, but how could I also grow in being more open-hearted in my presence? What kinds of prejudices and preconceived ideas about others and myself do I need to let go if in order to embrace greater Compassion?
Appreciative
I like that this definition uses this term in an active way - appreciative vs appreciation. It reminds me that my appreciation can be an active and growing part of my Compassion. I can be appreciative of others and myself for what I already know, but as I lean in with curiosity and I learn more, my appreciation can continue to expand and develop. How could we use curiosity to learn more about someone else's story that would help increase our appreciation for them?
Toward Others & Myself
Truthfully, I find it way easier to be Compassionate toward others than I can with myself! However, working to be a person of growing Compassion means I have to acknowledge that reality then commit to increasing my Compassion toward others and myself. I've got to remember that I can't just be open-hearted and appreciative of others, but I have to extend that kind of Compassion toward myself too!
Without Feeling the Urge to Fix, Change, Distance, or Judge
Really?! Now it feels like this definition is just messing with me. I can get on board with being more open-hearted and appreciative, but do I also have to let go of these other feelings?! What if it's just so obvious what they need to fix or change? Or what if I've been burned in this relationship in the past and I just don't want to be around them anymore because I know (judgement) exactly how they are going to act?! Please hear me, I don't think this is an invitation to eliminate healthy boundaries, but I do think it's an invitation to be honest about how we tend to approach others and ourselves with lots of formulas for fixing and change that are rooted in judgement. Working to be people of greater Compassion means we are trying to grow in releasing those feelings and just do our best to connect with open-heartedness and growing appreciation.
As you think about this definition and your life this week, where do you think you can exercise this kind of Compassion toward others, and in particular, toward whom? And what might it look like if you were going to work to be more open-hearted and appreciative of yourself while you also tried to let go of those feelings of needing to fix, change or judge yourself?
Here's to working on growing our Compassion this week!
Be Well,
Stephen
Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.