A Loose Grip

I ran into another idea this week that adds to our opening theme for 2026 of starting the year well. So far, we've thought about Picking Just 1 Thing, and taking Just 1 Step, followed last week by Being Curious.  This week I want to add - learning to live with a Loose Grip.

I don't know if you realize this or not, but there is actually way more that is out of our control than is under our control! When I am facilitating conversations with leaders, one of the topics that comes up a lot is the fact that the only things in life we actually have control over are items connected to the words I, Me & My.  I have control over Me. That's it. My thoughts. My emotions. My reactions. My decisions. I don't actually have control over anyone else, as much as I think or want to!  I may have some influence over you, but I don't actually have any control over anyone else. We also don't have any control over the circumstances that come my way either. Life happens, and then we get to choose how we are going to respond to it.

If you are a parent, you know that the most control you have over your child is the day they are born, and it diminishes downhill from that day forward! That means for those of us who interact with anyone over the age of 10 on any given day, our hopes at control are pipe dreams at best!  The best we can do is work to take control of what we can, which is simply ourselves.

This is where having a Loose Grip comes into play. As I take control of what I can - myself, my words, my actions, my reactions, my choices, etc., I also get honest about all the rest - what I can't control. Once I am clear about the two different lists, I grab hold of what I can, and hold the rest with a Loose Grip.

Some examples....

Let's say you've been given a large task at work to complete that involves other people also taking pieces of the project.  What you can control is the work you have been tasked to do, so you give it your very best. But there are other pieces (and people!) you don't control. So, you may work to influence them like agreeing on deadlines together or being clear about who is taking what tasks, but you hang on to the completion and outcome of those tasks with a Loose Grip, knowing there is only so much you can do with your influence.  In a situation like this, what can often happen is if the other people aren't doing their part, we attempt to take control of what isn't actually ours, and that creates more frustration for us and for them. 

Perhaps you are in a relationship with another person - parent, child, sibling, friend, coworker, boss, etc., and they say something that absolutely flips your lid! Once you take a deep breath and allow your initial emotions to settle down a bit so you can think more clearly, you may be tempted to say, "They made me feel so mad!" The truth is, what they did pushed your buttons and created an emotional reaction, but now you get to be in control of how you respond to their actions or words. As you respond, you work to take control of your emotions, your actions, your responses, but you hold them and their reactions with a Loose Grip. Understand, this isn't permission to act badly toward them, but it is honest in recognizing we can't control how they may react to our response.  We take control of ourselves and act in a way that attempts to be honoring to them, but we also work to be true to ourselves and not manipulate ourselves into trying to control how they may or may not react to us.  We work to take control of what we can - us, and we hold their response with a Loose Grip.

I am sure you can think of lots of other examples where this may apply, but I hope you get the heart of what I am trying to say and how this could be a helpful tool to start the year. When we can be honest about what we have control over and what we don't, it can help us to take control of what we can, ourselves, and then hold the rest with a Loose Grip.

Here's to hanging on with a Loose Grip this week, and this year!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Be Curious!

Good Day, and welcome to your mid-week-pick-me-up!

I am continuing to think about the start of the new year, and after the previous two messages about Just Picking 1 Thing and taking Just 1 Step, I'd love to add something this week about Being Curious!

Per usual, I've had several conversations in the last week with leaders around this topic, and one of the things I think I am coming to realize is that the enemy/opposite of curiosity is certainty. In fact, at the beginning of this new year I want to declare that in leadership, unlike cats, I believe certainty is what kills us, not curiosity!  Being Curious is what actually brings us life, vitality, and real growth.

A few examples to illustrate.

I was taking with a friend who is part of a large organization. In recent years, this organization has doubled down on narrowing the way they think and respond to various issues. The leadership of the organization has determined that they are right and certain about their position, even to the point of punishing people who get out of line! As a result, creativity, exploration and innovation have almost completely stopped. Watching this from a distance, it sure seems like this love affair with certainty is going to actually kill this organization in the long run. But if they were willing to adjust their perspective and embrace a posture of Being Curious instead, new life and creativity might come back and bring a renewed sense of revitalization and hope to the organization. 

In another recent situation, I was working with a leader who has a team member whose default is certainty about their perspective. In this circumstance it means they come to meetings full of assumptions and pre-judgements, which translates into "here's why we can't do that" in almost every scenario.  In this smaller setting, the results are the same - creativity, exploration and innovation are shut down, and tension builds. 

These observations are helping to drive my invitation to Be Curious this year! I believe that by making this one adjustment - working to set aside our assumptions and pre-judgments based on our certainty, and then leaning in with Curiosity, we can change the entire dynamic of a relationship, a meeting, a team, or even an organization.  Practically, I think this looks like asking questions more than making statements. "Tell me more about..." or "Help me understand why you took that approach?" It doesn't mean we don't speak up and give input based on facts, but we do all of that with a loose grip. Perhaps when we speak, we express it like, "My experience has been..." followed up with, "What's your experience been like?"

Bottom line: Curiosity may have killed the cat, but for us, Being Curious opens up new life and exploration!

How could you Be Curious this year? Are there places where you are tempted to let certainty lead, and what would it look like to adjust and let Curiosity take a front seat instead? 

(And to be clear, this isn't just a message for you today, because I already have several areas in my own life where I am letting certainty get ahead of curiosity, so I'm going to work to make these adjustments with you!)

Here's to Being Curious in 2026!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Just 1 Step

I'd like to piggyback on last week's message and take a few minutes to consider taking Just 1 Step.  If you've selected one thing to focus on for the new year, often that may involve some type of action, especially if we are people who like to make resolutions.  We've got 1 thing we have decided to focus on for the new year - something we are working to stop, or something we are wanting to start.  Regardless of the selection, there is most likely some kind of action involved.  

For example, let's say we want to eat healthier in 2026.  An admirable choice, however, even though that is just 1 thing, it is still pretty general. This is where it can be helpful for us to figure out Just 1 Step we can take to practically get us moving that direction. In this example, maybe it's deciding to stop eating after 7 PM. Or perhaps it's taking Just 1 Step and eliminating soda from our diet. Breaking it down from the one thing of eating healthier into a very simple, single step can make the start of the journey much easier.

When I am coaching leaders on implementing change, this process of finding that single step can be freeing because it means we only have 1 task to accomplish to get started.  Here are a couple of tips I have found to be helpful in determining that 1 Step:

What's the actual starting point?  Let's say we want to rewrite the policy manual for one of our departments. We can't start the whole manual all at once. Would the first step be to rewrite one section? Maybe the starting point would be to review the current manual and decide what we want to keep and what we need to fix? If we break that down even further, maybe the first step is to schedule an hour on our calendar to review the current manual?  When we really examine the process and clearly focus and actually find the starting point (the actual First Step), we can then take that 1 Step and begin moving forward.  Momentum has begun!

What might be the obstacles? As we consider Just the First Step, it may also be helpful to consider what could get in the way.  Using our policy manual example, maybe one of the obstacles is that reviewing manuals is boring! That could mean it will be hard to tackle it, even if we've put that hour on our schedule! With that obstacle in mind, perhaps we also need to build in some accountability for ourselves. So, we ask one of our colleagues to check in with us the day after we have that hour on our calendar to make sure we actually used it to review the manual. Then, when the hour arrives and we are tempted to do something else that's more exciting, we have some extra motivation knowing that our friend is going to ask us tomorrow if we did it. Or maybe we realize an hour all at once will feel like too much of an obstacle, so we schedule 2, 30 minute sessions at different times to make it more achievable? Anticipating and planning for the obstacles can also help us get started and create momentum.

If you've decided to Pick Just 1 Thing to focus on for the new year, what would be Just 1 Step you could take to get moving? Could you break it down even further and figure out what the actual starting point is and make that your First Step?  What obstacles might you encounter in taking that 1 Step, and how could you creatively approach those barriers so they didn't get in the way of actually taking The Step? The good news is, when we've taken that 1 Step, momentum is now on our side!

Here's to Taking Just 1 Step this week on your journey of a whole new year!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.