Two Tools

I spent some time with some leaders yesterday, sharing with them the Two Tools I think make some of the most significant impact on navigating relationships, so I thought I would share them here with you too.  

Let's start with a reality check.​

​The world can sometimes feel like an absolutely jumbled, chaotic mess.

Work...Family...Finances...Politics...Global Realities...ETC!

Then someone walks in and says:

“Just cut the blue wire and everything will be fine!”

This is when our pure Reactions kick in!  They are triggered in the emotional center of our brains and get fueled by all kinds of assumptions and stories we start telling ourselves. 

"Are they crazy?!  They have no idea what's really going on!  How could they think such a simple solution could be the answer to all of this!  Get out of here with your oversimplistic platitudes!"

The problem is, we often act or speak from that place of default negative reaction, which can result in potentially even worse circumstances.  Instead, what we need to do is engage some type of Interrupter that will allow us to move through our Reaction and get to a better Response.

This is where these Two Tools come in.  They are the two best Interrupters I know to help with this situation.

Tool #1 - Make a Generous Assumption

Our default is often to assume the worst.  "That person has no idea what they are talking about! Maybe they are trying to make fun of me, or maybe they know if I cut the blue wire everything is going to explode and they are trying to sabotage me!" However, when we apply this tool of Making a Generous Assumption, it can help to Interrupt those default negative reactions and start us on a different path.

My favorite question for applying this tool is the simple question, "What do I actually know?"  What do I know about the larger context of this person and how I may have experienced them in the past? I know they have offered a solution, so I'm going to assume they are trying to be helpful. By simply asking myself what I actually know to be true, I Can often switch from a negative assumption to a generous one.

And now we apply the second tool.

Tool #2 - Be Curious! (like Ted Lasso and Walt Whitman)

Rather than having my first response to this person be a statement ("Please be quiet!"), I start with asking a question.  "Are you an electrician?  What makes you think this is the best solution?  Is there something you are seeing that I'm not?  Help me better understand your perspective and why you said that?" Then, with more information, I can respond in a better way too!

When I apply these Two Tools of Interruption, they can help me move from my emotional reaction through to a place of a better response.

To be fair, using these Two Tools takes practice. I'm constantly having to remind myself to Make a Generous Assumption and then to Be Curious!  But when I do use them, the outcomes are always far more productive for me and the situation I am in!

As you think about all of the facets of your life right now, where could you use the Two Tools the most to make an impact?  Are there certain situations where you know you are functioning from that place of default, negative reaction? How might you work to Interrupt that environment?

Here's to using these Two Tools wherever they may be needed this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation. 

Moral Imagination

In the past two weeks I have heard the phrase Moral Imagination used in multiple settings.  One involved an excellent podcast with Brene Brown & Adam Grant (The Curiosity Shop) where they were talking about what makes a great commencement speech and what makes a bad one.  One of the elements they felt like helped to set apart excellence from mediocrity in this area was Moral Imagination.  They basically described it as the courage to creatively think and explore options that help raise the expectations for kindness and decency among humans.

In another setting, some leaders were talking about qualities and characteristics that tend to set apart great leaders. Moral Imagination was one of those, and they referenced how in that context it is the ability to think creatively about solutions that don't just protect the status quo, but help to challenge thinking and invite everyone participating to lean in and make the space safer and the work better. 

I was deeply intrigued by both of these conversations and so began wondering, "What is Moral Imagination, and how can it be used and applied most effectively in leadership and life?"

That question led me to some additional exploring that revealed this definition:  Moral Imagination is the capacity to creatively envision new, ethical, and successful alternatives when facing a difficult situation, rather than just following rigid rules or accepting a false choice.

After considering all of that, I decided to write my own definition since sometimes putting things in my own words helps me to digest it better. So, here's my definition:

Moral Imagination is the process of using our creativity to face problems in ways that bring more love, beauty, and goodness into the situation and lives of those involved.

It seems like there are two elements that I am finding are consistent:

1 - Creativity in the face of adversity or struggle.  If we are going to engage in Moral Imagination we aren't going to just accept the standard answers for difficult questions.  We will be willing to explore and experiment, looking for new ways to tackle tough circumstances.

2 - The solutions must elevate the outcomes toward greater goodness.  The problem doesn't just get solved - it gets addressed in ways that make the situation better, and everyone involved in the outcome experiences greater wholeness in their lives as well.

While I reserve the right to be wrong about this (but probably not - ha!), if we take this basic principle of Moral Imagination in the way I am describing it, how and where could you use it in your life & leadership right now?  Is there a particular situation that just keeps coming back up and never seems to find a good solution?  Who else could you involve in the creative thinking process to help look for better and more wholistic outcomes?  Is there a particular situation where people have just accepted that "this is just the way it is," and if so, how might applying some Moral Imagination bring some new perspectives and better solutions?

Here's to dreaming of ways to engage our Moral Imagination this week (and beyond)!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

The 4 S's

I had a powerful conversation this week with a friend where we talked about the 4 S's of healthy attachment - Safe, Seen, Soothed, & Secure. This is based on work from Dr. Daniel Siegel and Tina Payne Bryson in their book, The Power of Showing Up. These four elements represent what children (and adults in relationships) need from a primary caregiver or partner to build a healthy, resilient emotional foundation for their lives.  However, I think these 4 S's have a much broader impact for the way we lead and work in the world.

Let's start with their brief descriptions of each of the 4 S's:

Safe: You protect someone from harm. You do not cause fear or danger. You keep physical and emotional boundaries clear so they feel shielded from threat.

Seen: You pay close attention to inner life. You notice their signals, expressions, and moods. You look past the outward behavior to understand the feelings underneath.

Soothed: You help calm distress. When they hurt or panic, you do not leave them alone in the storm. You offer a comforting presence that helps regulate their nervous system.

Secure: You provide steady, predictable presence over time. This consistency teaches them that they can rely on you to return and repair after a conflict or separation.

I'm certain you can see why I think these 4 S's have powerful application beyond just our primary, core relationships. 

For example, my friend and I were talking about spaces and environments where we experience these and where they may be lacking.  We discussed the differences between those kind of environments, and how we might respond in those settings.  We also had a powerful conversation about ways in which we can make choices that either contribute to that kind of positive space or diminish it.  Part of our conversation revolved around how we always wanted to be speaking and acting in ways that helped spaces feel more Safe and where we did our best to help others be Seen.  We discussed how we could help to Soothe the hurt and distress others may be experiencing by paying attention and simply working to be present with them in their storm. And we took time to name the absolute importance of being a consistent, steady, predictable presence over time, contributing to a sense of feeling Secure.

Part of our fundamental conclusion was that rather than take the easy road of feeling like a victim in environments and spaces where this may not be happening well, we wanted to make sure our participation in the world (regardless of the setting) was something that helped enhance these 4 S's for others.

As you think about your life and leadership, how could you determine to be a contributor to the 4 S's in those spaces?  Is there someone who comes to your mind that you know you could help them feel Safe or more Seen?  Do you know someone who is hurting that might benefit from your simple presence with them in the midst of their pain - not fixing it or even needing to find the right words to say? How could you show up as a steady, non-anxious presence in the spaces you know you will be in this week?

Here's to being people who intentionally work to cultivate the 4 S's through our lives this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.