EQ & Social Awareness

Happy Monday!

We are continuing our journey through the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), remembering that our EQ can be grown and developed within us!

Today I want to share some thoughts on the third component of EQ, Social-Awareness.

Our journey of growing our EQ begins with becoming more aware of our emotions and their impact on us (Self-Awareness), followed by learning how to personally manage those emotions (Self-Management). Next, we focus our attention on the emotions that others are having around us. This is Social Awareness.

Now, it might seem rather obvious that Social Awareness is all about paying attention to other people’s emotions, but this is actually harder than it might seem. Allow me to mention 2 critical components in this work.

First, is empathy. Again, this might seem like a no-brainer, but the essence of empathy isn’t just noticing another person’s emotion. True empathy is about imagining what it might be like to be in that person’s situation and authentically feel with them what they may be feeling. It is more than sympathy (feeling for another), and is about joining with them in their emotion.

Second, is assuming. One of the critical mistakes we often make in growing our Social Awareness is that we assume we know what the other person is feeling. We imagine what it might be like to be in their situation and we project our own emotions into the situation rather than asking them what they are truly feeling. By asking rather than assuming, it's easier to identify with them from their perspective.

If you’ve ever had any type of motivational interviewing training, this may sound familiar! Authentic Social Awareness happens when we take the time to really listen to others and do our best to join with them where they are, in their space and frame of reference, including, and often most importantly, their emotional space. This is where one of my favorite phrases comes in handy - “Tell me more.” It’s an invitation to listen and learn from another, so we can join with them in their space!

Next week I want to share another layer of Social Awareness related to organizational awareness and morale, but for this week let’s see if we can enter into common space with those who are around us!

“Tell me more!”

Be Well,

Stephen

EQ & Self-Management

We are continuing our journey through the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). As I shared, one of the exciting realities of EQ is the fundamental belief that it can be grown and developed within us.

Today I want to share some thoughts on the second component of EQ, Self-Management.

Once we have started by becoming aware of our emotions and their impact on us (Self-Awareness), the next step is to learn how to better manage those emotions within ourselves. This is the essence of Self-Management - learning how to better navigate our personal emotions so they don’t circumvent and short-circuit our lives. This can take the form of gaining more control over our emotions, adapting our responses to them, and even adjusting our outlook to see our emotions as positive helpers/indicators.

For example, we might be in line at a store and someone cuts in front of us and we have an emotional reaction to it. Through our growing Self-Awareness we notice and get curious about the emotion of being upset or frustrated. But when we move into the space of Self-Management, we decide if we want to act on that emotion and say something to the person. Or perhaps we might decide to make a generous assumption about the person and believe they didn’t notice us in line. We might even Self-Manage and use this experience to recognize how important a sense of fairness is to us. The bottom line of Self-Management in EQ is allowing ourselves to grow in our ability to be in control of our emotions, instead of allowing our emotions to control us!

One of the tools I find very helpful in these first two stages of Emotional Intelligence is the wheel of emotions.

You may have seen (or used!) something like this before, but as we more clearly identify what we are exactly feeling (“I’m not just mad that person cut me off in line, I’m actually frustrated that I am not being treated fairly!”), we can take more effective steps to be in control of our emotions, rather than letting them control us.

Next week we’ll consider how we can become more aware of other people’s emotions, but for this week, perhaps the first step in Self-Management is to learn to step back from the emotions we are experiencing, and attempt to look at them from a distance. This will help us start to get them under our control, instead of us being under their control.

As we step back from our emotions, we will already be working to increase our Self-Management and our EQ!

Be Well,

Stephen

EQ & Self-Awareness

Happy Monday!

Last week I introduced the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). As I shared, one of the exciting realities of EQ is the fundamental belief that it can be grown and developed within us.

Today I want to share some thoughts on the first component of EQ, Self-Awareness.

This is really the beginning point of understanding and growing our emotional intelligence. In its simplest form, Self-Awareness is all about noticing and becoming more aware of our own, personal emotions as they happen and unfold in us, and then being able to identify what they are and how they are impacting us.

For example, we might be in line at a store and someone cuts in front of us and we have an emotional reaction to it. The reaction is normal and not really controllable in the moment, but when we engage our Self-Awareness we notice that we are having an emotional reaction, which allows us to become curious about it. “I am experiencing an emotional reaction right now. What am I feeling? What is it about this situation that caused this reaction? What is it doing in my physical body (red face, pressure in my chest, knot in my stomach, etc.)?”

Next week we’ll consider the power of being able to specifically name our emotions, but for this week, perhaps the first step is simply to pay attention. Take time to notice when we are experiencing an emotional reaction, and then, get curious about it. Step back from it (just a little) and ask some questions. “Where did this come from? What am I feeling? What physical reaction is it causing? Why did this situation bring that out?”

As we start to pay attention, we will already be working to increase our Self-Awareness and our EQ!

Be Well,

Stephen