Showing Up

I was chatting with a friend earlier this week who is planning to go see his grandkids in their church Christmas musical soon.  I've certainly been to a lot of those over the years, and 'm sure I was even in them when I was a kid!  That got me thinking about the impact of showing up for the people in our lives.

You know the scene, a group of kids are performing, and they are desperately scanning the audience to see if they can find their people, and then the moment of recognition happens and their face breaks into a huge smile with an excited wave.  Or maybe you've seen some of those videos of people who have been gone for a while, and they show up at the door of the house on Thanksgiving or Christmas as a surprise for their family?  Gets me every time!

Showing up matters. 

But here's the thing, it doesn't just have to be something like a performance or a long, lost surprise visit. Showing up in the everyday also matters.

I have a coworker who recently lost his 94-year-old mother, and I witnessed several moments when other coworkers took a minute to ask him how he was doing. Small gestures of showing up that I could tell really made an impact on him. I also know of a person who moved into a new house and their dryer plug wasn't the right fitting for their new place, so their friend came over and took 15 minutes to help change it. It was astonishing to see how much that meant to them.  And as a final example of the small ways we can show up, I know of a very influential leader who is responsible for a massive organization, and they regularly walk around their building just to stop, chat and check in with people as they go about their day. Small gesture, huge impact!

Showing up matters. In the big moments and the small ones, and it doesn't matter if it's family, or friends, or coworkers or leaders.  Each of us can find a way to show up for others in ways that can bring a smile and a wave!

As you think about the routines of your life, where are the small places you may be able to show up with some purpose and intention in the next week?  Are there specific individuals who come to your mind and heart that you sense could use a simple check-in, and what impact do you think that might make if you were to show up in that way for them? Maybe you want to start thinking about a big moment of showing up that you could pull off in the coming weeks or months? I bet it would be powerful!

Here's to Showing Up this week, because it matters!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation

Great (but hard) Advice

Good Day, and Welcome to your Mid-Week Pick Me Up!

Or, since tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the US, maybe we should call this your end-of-a-short-week-and-the-eve-of-potential-stress-pick-me-up!

While we like to approach this holiday as an opportunity to practice gratitude (and it certainly is, and we should!), it can also be a time of stress with family, lots of preparations, travel, experiencing loss, etc.  So this week, I'd like to offer two pieces of Great (but hard) Advice I've received over the years that might be great reminders for us.

The first one is something my mom used to say to me.  Maybe yours did too?

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason, so you can listen twice as much as you speak!

When I was a teenager and I heard her say that I would mostly just roll my eyes, but as I've grown older, I see all the wisdom in what she was saying.  When I look around at our world right now, it feels like I wish everyone from the highest offices to the smallest spaces could hear and take my mom's words to heart. But rather than just point at others, I know I need to start with me and remember mom's words for myself first.  I'm so quick to want to "say my peace" or make sure others hear my perspective, especially so they can see how right I am! Or when I do listen, I tend to only listen to their words so I can figure out my comeback, rather than trying to listen beyond their words to see if I can hear their heart and maybe make a deeper connection.  I hear you, mom - Listen twice as much as I speak. Got it.

After I take my mom's words to heart, then I hear the words of my friend James roar into my mind:

Before I speak, I try and ask myself three questions. Is it Kind?  Is it True?  Is it necessary?  If I can't answer yes to all three of those questions, I don't speak!

Come on, James!  Why did you have to tell me that over 35 years ago and I still haven't forgotten it?!  Because it's such Great (but hard) Advice. I certainly want to be someone who works to always be kind with my words. I also desire to be a person of truth and honesty, even if it's difficult. And I am continuing to learn that just because something pops into my mind, even if it is kind and true, it may not be necessary to actually say it!  I hear you, James. Use the questions to help filter my words. Got it.

So as we all head into Thanksgiving (and beyond) this week, maybe we can combine my mom's words and James' advice together into some practical help:

Listen first, then maybe speak!

If we start with listening to others, and we work to listen deeply to their hearts, we'll get off on the right foot and maybe make a deeper connection.  Then, if we use the questions to filter our responses, we may decide to say way less than what pops into our heads, which may turn out to be better for everyone.

Here's to all of us learning from my mom and James this week - Listen first, then maybe speak! Great (but hard) Advice. Got it.

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Cynical is Easy!

I've recently fallen into a trap that I do my best to avoid - being cynical!  

To be Cynical means believing that people are motivated purely by self-interest, or to be distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.  Perhaps you can see why I've fallen into this trap recently, because it's just so easy!  It feels like just about everywhere I look there are people that seem to be motivated by their own self-interest, and I can quickly become distrustful of their sincerity and their integrity.  The truth is, being Cynical is Easy!

The problem is, it's not actually helpful or productive. When I fall into the easy trap of cynicism, it makes me more closed off and judgmental, and I take a much more jaded view of everyone around me. It's like it resets my default from being generous and compassionate to being cautious and wary.  When I'm in the trap of being cynical, it's like the best version of myself is stuck and being prevented from showing up in the world.  

Thankfully, I have had a couple of conversations in the past week that have brought my attention to this, not because people noticed and were pointing it out, but because we were actually talking about one of the antidotes to being cynical - Working to assume good intent.  It was through these chats about the better version of myself that I realized I had fallen into the trap.  In fact, it made me go back and revisit some of my own thoughts on working to assume good intent that I've written about before (so I won't rehash them here), which reminded me of the main point I want to highlight today:

Yes, being cynical is easy and being generous is hard, but it is totally worth the effort!

When we do the hard work of assuming good intent and taking a generous approach toward others, we are able to approach people with more compassion and a greater openness to their perspective and ideas.  It helps to soften our hearts and look for the good, which can lead to greater gratitude and positivity.  And practiced over time, the better version of ourselves are released in the world, allowing our relationships to develop in healthier and stronger ways.

How about you? Have you fallen into the trap of cynicism with me lately? Does it tend to happen with a particular situation or individual? How could you do the work of assuming good intent in that situation or with that person? What would it take to open yourself up and take a more generous approach? How could you switch from starting with judgement and start with curiosity instead?

Here's to avoiding the easy trap of being cynical this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.