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Writer's picture: StephenStephen

In case you haven't been following along, we are currently exploring the 8 Cs of Self-Leadership from the IFS-Institute and their founder, Dr. Richard Swartz (Calm, Curiosity, Confidence, Compassion, Creativity, Courage, Clarity, and Connectedness). My desire is for this series to help us create some positive focus as we keep moving forward into 2025.

We've already touched on CalmCuriosity, and Confidence, and this week we turn our attention to Compassion.


Compassion

There are lots of ideas out there related to what Compassion is and the truth is, we could spend a lot of weekly messages thinking about this one topic. So, to help us with a little bit of focus I thought I would use one of the definitions of compassion that the IFS-Institute uses to describe it.  Compassion is to be open-heartedly present and appreciative of others and one’s self without feeling the urge to fix, change, distance, or judge.


I think we need to read that again, giving ourselves some time to just let it sink in.


Compassion is to be open-heartedly present and appreciative of others and one’s self without feeling the urge to fix, change, distance, or judge.


There are so many layers, just in that one definition!


Open-Heartedly Present

Remembering that part of the IFS-Institute's idea behind these 8C's is that we would be growing and working to expand them in our lives, this challenges me to not just be present with people and myself, but to be open-heartedly present. I may be working to be more present, but how could I also grow in being more open-hearted in my presence? What kinds of prejudices and preconceived ideas about others and myself do I need to let go if in order to embrace greater Compassion?


Appreciative

I like that this definition uses this term in an active way - appreciative vs appreciation. It reminds me that my appreciation can be an active and growing part of my Compassion. I can be appreciative of others and myself for what I already know, but as I lean in with curiosity and I learn more, my appreciation can continue to expand and develop. How could we use curiosity to learn more about someone else's story that would help increase our appreciation for them?


Toward Others & Myself

Truthfully, I find it way easier to be Compassionate toward others than I can with myself! However, working to be a person of growing Compassion means I have to acknowledge that reality then commit to increasing my Compassion toward others and myself. I've got to remember that I can't just be open-hearted and appreciative of others, but I have to extend that kind of Compassion toward myself too!


Without Feeling the Urge to Fix, Change, Distance, or Judge

Really?! Now it feels like this definition is just messing with me. I can get on board with being more open-hearted and appreciative, but do I also have to let go of these other feelings?! What if it's just so obvious what they need to fix or change? Or what if I've been burned in this relationship in the past and I just don't want to be around them anymore because I know (judgement) exactly how they are going to act?! Please hear me, I don't think this is an invitation to eliminate healthy boundaries, but I do think it's an invitation to be honest about how we tend to approach others and ourselves with lots of formulas for fixing and change that are rooted in judgement. Working to be people of greater Compassion means we are trying to grow in releasing those feelings and just do our best to connect with open-heartedness and growing appreciation. 


As you think about this definition and your life this week, where do you think you can exercise this kind of Compassion toward others, and in particular, toward whom? And what might it look like if you were going to work to be more open-hearted and appreciative of yourself while you also tried to let go of those feelings of needing to fix, change or judge yourself?


Here's to working on growing our Compassion this week!


Be Well,

Stephen


Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

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Writer's picture: StephenStephen

We are continuing our journey in exploring the 8 Cs of Self-Leadership from the IFS-Institute and their founder, Dr. Richard Swartz (Calm, Curiosity, Confidence, Compassion, Creativity, Courage, Clarity, and Connectedness). My ongoing desire is for this series to help us create some positive focus as we keep move forward into 2025.


So far, we've looked at Calm and Curiosity. This week we turn our attention to Confidence.


Confidence

One of the definitions of confidence is having a sense of trust that something or someone is reliable. It contains a degree of feeling certain, especially when that certainty is connected to consistency. Of course, there is also a perspective connected to self-confidence, which the IFS-Institute defines as the ability to stay present in a situation, even when it is hard or difficult, like saying, "I can do this!"


If we focus our attention on that simple phrase, "I can do this," we can immediately see several important components related to Confidence.


First, Confidence doesn't mean total certainty but rather depending on what we do know. We can be confident in our ability to face and lean into whatever we may encounter, even when there are unknowns involved.  For example, I may need to have a hard conversation with a coworker or a family member. There are probably lots of unknowns involved (I don't know how they will react or respond, etc.), but I can go into it with confidence in what I do know (I've had hard conversations before, I know this person is open to feedback, etc.) By leaning into what I do know, I can increase my confidence as I engage the conversation.  


Second, Confidence also doesn't mean there will be a perfect outcome, but that no matter what the outcome is I can learn and grow through it! In this sense, Confidence has more to do with our willingness to stay focused on the journey rather than have too many expectations about results. Back to our example of a hard conversation. If I can let go of any predetermined outcomes for the conversation, and instead I lean into it with a determination that no matter what happens, I will do my best to learn and grow from this experience, I can enter into the chat with greater confidence.


How does this approach to Confidence impact the way you have thought about it previously? What situation are you facing that if you approached it by focusing on what you actually do know instead of looking at all of the uncertainty, how might that increase your Confidence? Maybe you have a dilemma in front of you and you're so focused on trying to create the perfect outcome that you've lost sight of how this situation fits into your larger journey of life and growth? What would it take to approach it from that wider view, and how could that increase your Confidence headed into it?


Here's to leaning into greater Confidence this week!


Be Well,

Stephen


Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

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Writer's picture: StephenStephen

Last week we started an 8-week series based on the 8 Cs of Self-Leadership from the IFS-Institute and their founder, Dr. Richard Swartz (Calm, Curiosity, Confidence, Compassion, Creativity, Courage, Clarity, and Connectedness). My desire is for this series to help us create some positive focus as we move forward into 2025.


I hope last week's message on Calm came to your mind throughout the week and you were able to put it into practice. This week, we turn our attention to Curiosity.


Curiosity

You may recall that one of the objectives of these 8 Cs is to think about them from a perspective of movement. In this case, it may be as simple as asking, How can I increase Curiosity in my life?


Allow me to illustrate this by reminding you about The Beginner's Mind (a concept from Buddhism made popular in the 1970's from the book, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, and which I've written about before). The basic concept here is to approach life with a general sense of curiosity and willingness to learn, rather than coming from a perspective of being closed, certain, or even judgmental. The closed/certain/judgmental perspective says, "I don't really want to know anything about that" (closed), or "I already know everything I need to know about that" (certain/judgmental). In contrast, the posture of Curiosity is one of openness and a willingness to continue learning. 


Now, let me point out an important phrase in what I just wrote - continue learning. One of the beautiful things about embracing a posture and movement toward greater Curiosity in our lives is, we don't have to forget everything we may have already learned! We get to bring all of that with us and couple it with a sense of continuing to be open to learning more or seeing things from a different perspective.


If you've spent any time with me, you may have noticed that one of the phrases I tend to use a lot (maybe too much at times!) is, "That's Interesting!" This has actually become a very important phrase for me in the past several years as I have tried to embrace a greater posture of Curiosity in my life. I think some of it stems from trying to break free from some old patterns and institutions in my life where certainty was a very high priority and virtue to be achieved. But I am finding so much more beauty and creativity in life as I shift from having to be certain, and instead, work to embrace greater and greater Curiosity in my life.


How about you? Are there areas of your life where you are tempted to approach it from a more closed or certain perspective? How could you shift to being more Curious in that area? Or what about people? Are there certain individuals or groups of people you are tempted to put into categories or labels? How could you shift your perspective to engage with them with greater Curiosity? And finally, what about yourself? Are you quick to allow the voice of self-judgement and criticism to come in? How could you use Curiosity to generate more grace and kindness toward yourself?


Here's to being more Curious this week!


Be Well,

Stephen


Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

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© 2022 by Dr. Stephen Campbell with Wix.com

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