Just Own It!

I hope you had a nice Memorial Day Weekend.  I got to spend some time with our kids and a bunch of their friends, which was awesome, and which also created the circumstances that led to this message.

There was a moment during the weekend when I had some expectations in my mind of the way one of the evenings was going to unfold, which turned out to not go as expected.  When I became aware of the change in plans that required me shifting my expectations, I reacted poorly toward one of my kids. I spoke from the place of disappointment in needing to adjust my expectations, but it came across as disappointment toward them. Of course, that was not what I meant and when I realized how my reaction was being perceived, I Owned up to not handling that well. I did my best to explain my perspective related to needing to adjust my expectations, and that clarity brought resolution to the situation.  In the grand picture of things it wasn't a very big incident at all, but it reminded me of the importance of being willing to Just Own It whenever we realize we have been a contributor to a misunderstanding, especially if it may include the possibility of someone else being hurt by our words or actions.

In contrast, I was talking with a leader last week who was working through two difficult situations with teammates. In each situation they were doing their best to Own their part, but the other parties handled their situations in very different ways. In one of the relationships, the other party was quick to Own the part they played in the situation too. They had a deep but hard conversation together, and it actually created a greater sense of trust and resilience in their relationship as a result. In the other situation, the leader Owned their part, but the other party acted as if they were completely innocent and didn't need to take any personal responsibility for anything. In that case, the leader I was working with felt like they couldn't really have an honest conversation, so trust was actually eroded in the relationship. This leader and I chatted about the contrast between the two relationships and how different they were when we are willing to Just Own It!

It's important at this point to acknowledge that we don't actually have control over whether someone else is going to Own their part or not. And there are times when there may not be much for someone else to own (like in my situation this weekend - that was primarily on me!). But if we aren't willing to take control of what we can, ourselves, and Just Own our part, we certainly won't move forward with greater trust and resilience. And when we do Own our part, it often creates an opportunity for the other party to Own their part too, which can lead to growth for all of us.

What does it look like to Just Own It in your life and work? Do you need to take responsibility for a mistake you made and do your best to correct it? If you have a situation in which you think the other party has most of the Owning to do, how could you take control of yourself and Own whatever part you may have played which contributed to the situation? Is there a relationship where a hard conversation might be really productive, and how could you lean into that conversation from this place of Ownership and curiosity?

Here's to being willing to Just Own It this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

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