The Us vs Them Lens

I was recently listening to one of my favorite bands, U2, and one of my favorite songs came on - Invisible.  Here is a link to a youtube recording of them doing an acoustic version in Dublin last year.

The chorus of the song says:

I'm more than you know

I'm more than you see here

I'm more than you let me be

I'm more than you know

A body in a soul

You don't see me but you will

I am not invisible

I am here

Then, at the end of the song they continue to sing this phrase:

There is no them

There's only us

I have also been listening to several conversations during the past few weeks about various situations that seem to have division at their very core (politics, employees and management, Middle East, etc.).  All of those conversations and this song are swirling around in my mind and heart, illustrating a fundamental truth that I think is important for us to name: Our tendency is to view the world through an Us vs Them Lens, but the only way we can actually make significant change is when we set that perspective down and realize, There is only us!

I realize this may sound a bit too over simplistic and even naive, but allow me to give a couple of examples of how we can put this into practice.

Relationships

If we are looking through the Us vs Them Lens at the various relationships in our lives (work, friends, family, political parties, countries, etc.), we tend to primarily focus on the ways in which we are different and how we disagree.  You think this, I think that.  You want this, I want that. You are this, I am that. But when we can set down the Us vs Them Lens, even for a few moments, we can begin to see the places in which we have commonality and shared experience.  For example: You want Chipotle, I want McDonalds. Hmm. Isn't it interesting that we are both hungry.  Or to take it to a larger scale: You want this person elected president, I want this other person elected president.  Hmm. Isn't it interesting that we both want what we think is best for our country and world.  By setting down the Us vs Them Lens we can begin to find a common ground that allows us to have a different starting place than just our differences.

Control

This obviously leads to the second critical component in letting go of the Us vs Them Lens - control. I can ONLY take control of MY lens. I can't make you set down your lens. Accordingly, I have to make a decision for myself whether I am going to keep looking through that lens or not, regardless of what you may decide to do with your lens. And let's be honest, when the other party involved in this relationship is continuing to look through that lens, it makes it very tempting to justify my choice to pick up the Us vs Them Lens because that's what they are doing! But just because they are using that lens doesn't mean I have to use it too. If we are ever going to find breakthrough and change, someone needs to put down the lens first. And since I can only be in control of myself, I get to decide whether or not I am going to use it, or set it down.

I realize you may think I am still being overly simplistic and naive here. However, there has to be a starting point somewhere. Even though this one small choice may only be the starting point, and there are still lots of very difficult conversations that need to happen for systemic change to occur, I would much rather be a part of helping us get to the starting line than just being stuck in these cycles of going nowhere. 

Where are you tempted to use the Us vs Them Lens in your life?  What would it look like if you worked to take control and set that lens down for yourself? How would you need to change your perspective toward the other person or the situation in general in order to let go of that lens? How could you be a part of moving us toward a new starting point?

Here's to laying down The Us vs Them Lens this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Hmm...Let's Try It!

I've been engaged in a couple of leadership seminars and conversations recently that have reminded me of a powerful lesson for leaders that also translates very well into life in general. It's the power of embracing an experimentation mentality, or to put it more simply, "Hmm...Let's Try It!"

Did you know that one of the primary obstacles to forward movement and gaining a sense of momentum is perfection? We try and find the perfect solution, the perfect next step, the perfect answer to this question or that problem.  We can get so caught up in trying to find the perfect, exact, "right" thing, that we end up not actually doing anything!  Our search for perfection puts us in a cycle of spinning our wheels and not moving forward at all.

Now don't get me wrong, I think we need to be very strategic about thinking through options and choices for solving problems and taking next steps.  So, I am not advocating at all for just trying the first idea that comes to mind.  What I am suggesting is that at some point, some kind of action, even if it is imperfect, is going to be better than just continuing to spend more time trying to find the "right" solution.

This is where embracing an experimentation mindset can be extremely helpful. We think about what's in front of us. We consider possible options and next steps.  We process various outcomes and ramifications of all of those choices. And we realize that despite our best efforts and work on those hypotheticals, since it's all going to unfold in the future out in front of us, there is no way to predict it all with total certainty! So, we act on the best options we can decipher with an attitude of experimentation.  "This seems like the best option, so Let's Try It and see what happens. And of course, we will be ready to make adjustments along the way as the journey continues!"  By embracing an experimentational perspective, we keep moving forward and don't get caught spinning our wheels looking for perfection.

Where could you benefit from embracing an experimentation mentality? Are you currently stuck in a problem because you are trying to find the perfect solution? What would it look like to try something, so you are moving forward? Would it help to remember that it's still possible to make changes and adjustments as you keep moving forward, so you don't have to find the prefect solution from the very beginning? 

Here's to embracing an experimentation mindset this week.  "Hmm...Let's Try It!"

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Look Up!

I was grateful to be with some college friends recently. One of them is starting a new role in a new community and their position is actually all about finding the places within the community where they can serve and be of help and support to various agencies, groups, and individuals.  It was so fun to hear them talk about the excitement of looking around with a fresh set of eyes in a new setting to see all of the possibilities that exist around them.  Their perspective reminded me of something I think is super easy to do, especially when you've been in the same place for a while.  It's what another one of my friends calls "Navel gazing!"

Navel Gazing is when we get so caught up in our own world and our own situation that we can't really see anything else.  We are just looking down at ourselves, focused so much on ourselves that we miss everything that is happening around us. It's easy to fall into this predicament, and personally I think having a smart phone in my hand has actually made it easier for me to navel gaze! In fact, one of the tools I have been using to remind myself to stop navel gazing (not always as successfully as I want!), is the simple phrase, "Look up!" 

When I am able to look up, and I know this is going to sound super obvious, but I immediately start noticing the world around me.  Sometimes I am just struck with the beautiful nature that surrounds me.  Other times I am able to see the smile on the person's face as we pass each other in the aisle of the grocery store.  If I am lucky, I get to see an act of compassion unfolding between two people, or I have the incredible privilege of seeing a need in someone else I have the honor of helping. But if I don't look up, I am stuck in my own little world, drowning in my own navel.

How might you be impacted by looking up today?  What shift inside of you might be possible by shifting your focus outside of you? When you look up, what do you think you will discover, and how could you take action on what you see?  Who do you think you could show some care and attention to if you were willing to stop navel gazing and just look up?

Here's to Looking Up this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.