Perspective

I found the following quote a while back (wish I had written down where it came from!) and have been reflecting on it quite a bit recently.

"People see the results of my decisions but they don't see the choices I was faced with."

I know! It's good, right?!?

It's made me think a lot about perspective lately.  We all have our own unique perspectives and so much of the time we tend to look at others through the lens of our perspective. We think about the kinds of choices they have made through our own lens, which often lead us into a judgmental space toward them. But when we see them only from our perspective, we usually are only seeing the results of their decisions and not really considering the choices they were faced with in the process. 

And then I came across this picture. 

If we were walking down this street together and were told we each had to pick only 1 door to enter, most likely we wouldn't choose the same door. We would each be drawn to different ones based on our personal preferences and our backgrounds. I might even be surprised at which door you would pick and be tempted to think, "what a weird/strange/poor choice" but, that would be because I was only looking at those choices through my perspective, not trying to understand you or your perspective any better!

That got me thinking about an organization I work with whose mission statement starts with the words, "With Kindness...." What an incredible kindness it is toward others when we attempt to adjust our perspective, maybe even just the slightest bit, to attempt to imagine what someone else's perspective might be!  I know what it feels like when someone comes at me with judgement first, but I also know how powerful it is when they approach me with curiosity, and they attempt to better understand my perspective and the kinds of choices I may have faced that resulted in my decisions. That feels like a true gift of kindness!

What kind of a difference did it make in your life when you were met with judgement first, compared to times when someone tried to approach you with curiosity and a desire to better understand your perspective? Are there certain people you encounter on a regular basis that you realize you are approaching them from your perspective with more judgement than curiosity, and what would it look like for you to adjust your perspective so you tried to better understand life from their view?  When someone chooses a different door than you, maybe you could respond with a simple "Why did you pick that one?" or maybe, "Tell me more about what drew you to that choice?"

Here's to adjusting our perspective toward greater kindness this week (even if it's just a little bit)!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Feeling Heard

I've had the honor of participating in a number of powerful conversations recently that have gotten me thinking more about the importance of listening. I must also admit to myself I have been involved in some other conversations that have me thinking about NOT listening well.  In my reflections it has occurred to me that often I am gauging whether or not I've listened to a person by how well I think I understood them. In other words, I think I've been a good listener because I think I listened well! I am my own judge of my perceptions, rather than considering it from the other person's point of view.  Regardless of how well I think I listened, did they actually feel like I heard them?!

Allow me to share some examples.  I had a phone conversation over the weekend where I was helping someone navigate a technical issue. We accomplished the task at hand, but if you were to ask them if they felt like I heard them, I'm pretty sure they would say we got the task done but they didn't really feel like I was listening very closely or like I really heard them.  And they would probably be right because I was pretty distracted by other things when we were talking. In contrast, I had a chat with someone last week who said after we were done, "It is so nice to talk with you because you always listen and make me feel like I matter."  In the first conversation, I technically heard what the person said, and we got the task accomplished, but they never really felt heard. In the second conversation, I don't even remember the full details of what we discussed, but the person clearly felt heard by me.

This idea of the other person feeling heard is what I have really been wondering about this week.  What would it mean for me to make feeling heard a priority for my conversations and interactions with people? How can I focus my attention so that helping them feel heard is my goal? Are there things I might be able to do physically that can help me focus on them better (eliminate distractions, shift my body posture, reflect back what I think I am hearing, etc.)?  If I examine my own priorities for our interaction, is it possible for my desires to become a secondary concern (not eliminated), so I can help them feel heard first?

As you reflect on some of your conversations and interactions over the past week, when was a time you felt heard and what helped contribute to that feeling? How could you learn from those observations in a way that let you incorporate some of those ideas into your engagement with others? Who is someone you know you will interact with this week that sometimes feels like a challenge? What could you do to make them feeling heard a goal for that interaction, and how do you think it might impact the outcome? Are there physical steps you could take to help yourself with this focus?

Here's to listening so we help others Feel Heard this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Who's In Your Corner?

I attended a community event this past weekend that was a fun competition to help raise some funds for a wonderful nonprofit organization. The event featured various community "celebrities" competing against one another for some individual prizes, but always with an eye toward helping the cause and work of the larger entity.  As each celebrity took their turn, it was fun to hear various pockets of the theater come to life in support of their champion. While people had come to strengthen the overall cause, they clearly had their favorites!  

I've been reflecting on that since the event, and it's raised a question in my mind: "Who's in your corner?" In other words, who is part of your support network cheering you on in life? I know we may not all have a huge crowd following us around, cheering and yelling encouragement to us as we walk around the office or the grocery store, but come on - that might be kind of fun every once in a while! "Yeah Stephen, way to pick those bananas up and put them in your cart! You're doing a great job getting the grocery shopping done!!" 

Despite that over-exaggerated example, I think my primary question still stands - "Who's in your corner?" Who do you know is a part of your life that will show up when it matters? Who is it that's willing to provide you with a word of encouragement, or just check in with you every once in a while? Who would you call if you got into a bind and needed an extra pair of hands or a ride to the airport?

Which leads to another question - Have you thanked them lately for being part of your support network? Do they know how grateful you are they are in your corner and that you are in their corner too? Maybe there's someone in your support network who needs you to cheer them on right now? 

Here's to taking some time this week to name and thank Who's In Your Corner!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.