Listen AND Hear

I was recently spending time with a group of leaders, and the organizer of the group posed a question they wanted everyone in the group to reflect on and answer. It was a great question, and everyone had very thoughtful answers that made a significant impact on the team. During the sharing process, there was a moment that really stood out to me. When one person finished sharing, they would call on the next person to take their turn. During one of those transitions, the next person to share said, "Oh! I was really trying to listen and hear what everyone was saying, and I forgot what I was going to share!" It only took them a few moments and they were able to recall what had been on their mind, but that small phrase really stuck with me.

"I was really trying to Listen AND Hear."

I think part of the reason that stood out to me was because of how many times I have been in similar settings and I'm listening to someone else, but my mind is actually focused on what I am going to say so I am not really hearing them. I may be listening, but am I really hearing too?

I know of another leader who uses this cool demonstration in a group setting to help illustrate this exact point. They give everyone name tags at the beginning of the session and then at some point they divide the group into two teams and ask them to take opposite sides of an issue and debate. After a few minutes, they ask everyone to swap name tags with the person across from them and now speak from the perspective of the person whose name tag they are now wearing. Most of the time there is just a lot of fumbling and stumbling because they all realize they were so invested in forming their side of the argument, they weren't really Listening AND Hearing the other participants.  They may have been listening, but their mind was actually focused on what they were going to say next.

"I was really trying to Listen AND Hear."

There are so many situations that come to my mind where this practice of Listening AND Hearing would make a significant impact - situations with my spouse and my kids; one-on-one conversations where my mind can get distracted by so many other things and lose the gift of staying present with the other person; even community settings where it feels like we've abandoned any attempts at actually Listening, let alone Hearing!

How about you? Where are the settings that you could lean into this practice of both Listening AND Hearing? Is there a particular situation where you tend to Listen, but your mind is actually focused on what you are going to say next, so you've stopped Hearing?  How could you work on both Listening AND Hearing?

Here's to working on Listening AND Hearing this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Support

There is a story in the Hebrew tradition that has two tribes fighting against each other. In the scene, the Hebrew people are being led by Moses who is standing on a hill overlooking the battlefield. As long as Moses is holding up his staff over his head the Hebrews have the advantage in the battle. But, as his arms get tired and he lowers them to rest, the momentum of the battle shifts the other way. In response to this dilemma, two helpers, Aaron & Hur, come alongside Moses and help hold his arms up all day until the battle is won.  One of the lessons I've always heard from this story has been, "Who's your Aaron & Hur?" In other words, who do you have in your life that is helping to Support you when things get tough?

Here's another way to think about this idea: My father-in-law was a Golden Gloves boxer when he was a young man. During a match when he was between rounds, he would have people who were literally "in his corner" - individuals who would get him a drink, bring him a stool to sit on, and a coach to give him insights and guidance about how to approach the next round. The people who were "in his corner" were providing him incredible Support while he engaged in some tough circumstances.

If we can set aside the literal fighting happening in both of these examples and think about this from a more philosophical approach, we see a critical element necessary for life and leadership.  Who's your Aaron & Hur?  Who's in your corner?

This week I've had the honor of sitting with three leaders who are starting new roles or taking on significant new challenges in their work. In each conversation, the topic of naming their Support networks was a critical element. We recognized that for each of them there will be tough situations ahead. Hopefully not any actual fights but certainly circumstances and relationships that will require some tough decisions and some hard work and effort.  We talked about how important it was going to be to know who was in their Support systems so that when things got tough, they knew ahead of time who to turn to for help.  We essentially tried to name who their Aaron & Hurs were, and who was in their corners!

As you reflect on your life and work, who do you have in your Support network? Who do you turn to when you get tired and need some help holding yourself up? Who can bring you some supplies to help refresh you and give you a break? Is there someone in particular who always has great wisdom and advice that might help you approach the challenges with a new perspective?  Who are your Aaron & Hurs, and who's in your corner with you?

Here's to leaning on the Support we have in our lives this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Story

Sitting with me around the large rectangle of tables (with a few extras added on zoom) was a collaborative team of about 25 people. This group oversaw one section of work under a very large organization. Spread out around the room was "the leader," the second in charge, 4 team leaders, and all of the individuals who made up each of the teams.  They had invited me in to facilitate a conversation with them about how to take better care of themselves.  Even though their whole team was present, they were still missing about 6-8 full time, unfilled positions from what their normal "operational capacity" would have been. As a result, everyone had too much on their plates and their stress levels were maxed, thus my invitation to help. 

As our time together unfolded, I gave space for people to open up with a little vulnerability and share some Stories about the stress they were carrying and ways they were trying to cope with that stress.  Not surprisingly, as various individuals started to take some risks and share, they didn't just talk about stress at work, but sources of stress at home and with family, and the ways those were impacting their work too.  It wasn't long before I started to hear comments like, "Wow! I had no idea you were carrying all of that!" and "I'm so impressed with the way you are juggling all of that and yet you still always have such a positive and happy attitude!"  They were starting to see each other as more than just work colleagues, but as whole humans, and it seemed to raise the overall level of compassion and empathy for everyone in the room.

This is the power of Story!

When we take time to listen to someone else and learn more about who they are and what they are experiencing, our typical reaction is to gain a greater sense of compassion and empathy for them. Sharing our Stories brings greater connection and helps us know we are not alone in the world and that others aren't as different from us as we may have imagined. When we take time to give space for Stories to emerge, our sense of collective belonging grows and deepens, and we open up to even greater possibilities.

I realize you may be thinking, "That takes too much time! You had a few hours with those people, and I just don't have that kind of time!"  Then let me tell you another Story!  I have a part time job at our local airport, and sometimes I get to check people in at the front counter.  That process centers around a simple transaction: you give me your ID, I look up your reservation, then get you and your bags checked in and give you what you need to head to security. Sometimes it's obvious people don't want to talk very much (especially at the 4 AM flight!), but most of the time while I'm looking things up in the computer, I'll ask something simple like, "Are you headed to [destination] for work or for fun?"  That question often results in a Story that might not take more than 60 seconds to tell, but still creates a better connection between us. The transaction doesn't really take any longer than it would have, but those small Stories generate the same type of results (compassion, empathy, connection, belonging), just on a micro scale!

This is the power of Story!  

As you reflect on your week, where did you hear some good Stories and how did they impact you? Can you think of a situation where you were able to share a Story and it created greater connection with the person you told it to? Is there a regular part of your work or life where you might use the micro-Story idea to help open up compassion and empathy a little more?  

Here's to using the power of Story in our lives this coming week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.