Agency

I listened to a couple of podcasts recently that reinforced and added some nuance to an idea I have been thinking about for some time - Agency.

Here is my working definition:

Agency: functioning in a way that allows me to take both control and responsibility of what I can, rather than living as a victim who is just reacting to life.

(I'll understand if you decide to stop reading, because this idea is really challenging me too!)

If you are still with me, you can see that my working theory presents agency in opposition to victimhood.  Before we go any further it's important to understand that I think this is more like a scale, rather than a switch.  In other words, it's not that I am either functioning with Agency or victimhood, but rather, which direction am I leaning, and how can I tip the scales more in the direction of living with Agency? This is why I use the phrase "taking both control and responsibility of what I can" in my definition.  If I am leaning more toward the side of victimhood, I don't think I have very much control or I am looking for who else is to blame for my circumstances.  But if I am leaning the scales toward Agency, then I'm looking for what role I may have played in what's unfolding, and I look for what I can do to respond to it.

Here's a simple way to think about this: A person who tends to lean more toward the victim side of the scale says, "Oh, no! What am I going to do?!"  Life is happening to them, and they primarily live from a place of just reacting to it.  But a person who is leaning more toward the Agency side of the scale says, "Oh! What am I going to do?!" They see life as just happening, and while they may not have much control over what is unfolding, they are going to take an active role in deciding how they are going to respond to it. 

Using those contrasting phrases, when the victim says, "Oh No! What am I going to do?!" they often feel stuck and left with little choice other than to just blame others and sit in their pain and frustration.  However, when a person of Agency says, "Oh! What am I going to do?!" they are able to acknowledge the frustration of their situation, but don't feel stuck because they start looking for the ways in which they can take control and responsibility for what they can, and then they start taking action.

Again, since this is more like a scale than a switch, rather than ask the question, am I victim or an Agent?, there's more opportunity for growth in asking, Which way are my scales leaning? Do I tend to typically lean more toward the victim or the Agency side in general? Are there specific situations I am experiencing right now in which I am leaning more toward the victim side, and if so, what can I start to do in order to not feel like I am just stuck and out of control? What actions could I take in response to those circumstances that would help tip the scales more toward the Agency side and help me feel like I was actively working to take control and responsibility for what I can? Who could I talk to that would help me see this situation from a different perspective, and how could that help me tip the sales toward being more of an active Agent in my life?

Finally, I want to acknowledge how tempting it is to let the scales tip toward victimhood.  It often feels really good to point the finger of blame and sit in the space of complaining! But, that usually only lasts for a little while, and when I can begin to shift into the space of Agency, the positive, long-term impacts far outweigh the temporary feelings of self-righteousness.

Here's to tipping our scales toward Agency this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Showing Up!

Have you seen those videos where children are on a stage, and they look out over the audience, trying to find their people?  And then we get to witness that moment when they see them and their whole countenance changes? Magical!

That's the power of Showing Up.

This past week I was at a presentation and heard someone share this quote*: "If your presence isn't making an impact, then your absence won't either." That really struck me. What kind of an impact am I making by just showing up? As I've reflected on that in the context of those kid videos, it's made me realize there are two critical elements that make Showing Up so powerful.

Who are Your People?

Who are the people you are connected to that are actually looking around and hoping you show up? It's easy to go to the place of family and friends, but what about the people you are leading? Who needs you to Show Up, maybe even just to touch base with them and check in? Who needs your input into a project they are working on, or needs your encouragement because the solution they just tried failed? Who needs you to make a decision so everyone can continue to move forward, knowing we will all give our best in this endeavor? 

How are You Showing Up?

The thing that is the most powerful about those kid videos, is we have no idea what kind of a person that child was looking for! What mattered was their authentic presence (and certainly their absence would have been significant!). By just showing up as themselves, without pretense or having to put on a mask or their own show, they made a significant difference. It's such a powerful reminder to me that I don't have to be someone I'm not to Show Up in a certain way. I just need to bring my full, authentic self and allow that to make an impact.

So, who are your people? As you think about the spaces and places you are going to be this week, how can you allow your authentic self to make an impact with your presence? Here's another way to ask this question: WHO needs YOU to Show Up this Week?!

Here's to Showing Up!

Be Well,

Stephen

*The person who shared this didn't cite their reference and I wasn't able to catch them afterwards to ask who said it.  The closest I could find on the interwebs was a similar quote from an author named Trey Smith. "If your presence isn't making an impact, your absence won't make a difference."

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Removing Our Blinders

I grew up in the rolling hills of Southeastern Pennsylvania, the heart of Pennsylvania Dutch Country.  My next-door neighbors drove a horse and buggy and it was not uncommon to see Amish and Mennonite families driving them all around our community every day. Because these carriages and their "horse power" were regularly interfacing with cars and trucks, the horses could sometimes get startled or become skittish if a car or truck came along too quickly in their peripheral vision. As a result, most of them wore blinders around their eyes which limited their vision to just the road right in front of them.

I've been thinking about that metaphor after my message on The Us vs Them Lens from last week.  To be more specific, I had a great follow up conversation with someone about how we can get stuck in our own tribes and our own echo chambers, only able to see and hear others with our same perspective.  I'm sure you can see where I am going with this! 

It's so easy to only view life through our personal perspective, like we have blinders on. We only talk and listen to people who share our same values, or politics, or religion, or views on life, or whatever.  And let's be honest, when we keep those blinders on it IS easier to not be startled or shocked by something outside of our perspective. While that may feel more safe in the short term, in the long run it only reinforces our simplified view and makes it more difficult to set down that Us vs Them Lens.

This is why it is so important to take our blinders off and look at life from a much broader perspective.  We need to seek out alternative views and see if we can listen to and learn from them.  We need to figure out ways to interact with people who aren't the same as we are, and who can offer us an alternative way to see life.  We need to read books that we wouldn't normally read and listen to other kinds of music instead of the same old playlist.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying this is an all or nothing approach. It's still great to listen to U2 (because they are the greatest band ever!), but it's also a good idea to listen to that new album from that new artist that you just heard about too.  This is about making a both/and choice, not just an either/or choice.  We still need to keep our eyes focused on the road in front of us, but we also need to take the blinders off and have a look around at the beauty and diversity of the wider world around us too!

In what areas of your life have you been tempted to keep your blinders on?  How could you make some intentional choices to take them off and look around for some alternate views?  Who do you already know that has a different perspective than you - someone you could engage in some healthy and respectful dialogue with in order to listen and learn from them (notice I didn't say, convince them of your perspective!)? Who could you ask to give you a book or a music recommendation that you know would be different from your normal playlist?

Here's to removing our blinders a little more this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.