Cynical is Easy!

I've recently fallen into a trap that I do my best to avoid - being cynical!  

To be Cynical means believing that people are motivated purely by self-interest, or to be distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.  Perhaps you can see why I've fallen into this trap recently, because it's just so easy!  It feels like just about everywhere I look there are people that seem to be motivated by their own self-interest, and I can quickly become distrustful of their sincerity and their integrity.  The truth is, being Cynical is Easy!

The problem is, it's not actually helpful or productive. When I fall into the easy trap of cynicism, it makes me more closed off and judgmental, and I take a much more jaded view of everyone around me. It's like it resets my default from being generous and compassionate to being cautious and wary.  When I'm in the trap of being cynical, it's like the best version of myself is stuck and being prevented from showing up in the world.  

Thankfully, I have had a couple of conversations in the past week that have brought my attention to this, not because people noticed and were pointing it out, but because we were actually talking about one of the antidotes to being cynical - Working to assume good intent.  It was through these chats about the better version of myself that I realized I had fallen into the trap.  In fact, it made me go back and revisit some of my own thoughts on working to assume good intent that I've written about before (so I won't rehash them here), which reminded me of the main point I want to highlight today:

Yes, being cynical is easy and being generous is hard, but it is totally worth the effort!

When we do the hard work of assuming good intent and taking a generous approach toward others, we are able to approach people with more compassion and a greater openness to their perspective and ideas.  It helps to soften our hearts and look for the good, which can lead to greater gratitude and positivity.  And practiced over time, the better version of ourselves are released in the world, allowing our relationships to develop in healthier and stronger ways.

How about you? Have you fallen into the trap of cynicism with me lately? Does it tend to happen with a particular situation or individual? How could you do the work of assuming good intent in that situation or with that person? What would it take to open yourself up and take a more generous approach? How could you switch from starting with judgement and start with curiosity instead?

Here's to avoiding the easy trap of being cynical this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

The Gravity of Humility

Hello!  It's your mid-week boost!

I recently ran across this phrase in a book I am reading, and it was too good not to share!

There's something attractive about folks who believe they could be wrong.

Maybe read that again?!

There's something attractive about folks who believe they could be wrong.

Part of what stood out to me in this was seeing the contrast to it in so many places in our world right now.  It feels like everywhere I look there are people who believe they can't be wrong. Which is immediately followed up with them declaring why everyone who doesn't agree with them is completely wrong! 

What a limiting merry-go-round of claim, point, & blame.  Claim to be totally right. Point out how anyone else who has a different opinion is totally wrong. Blame anyone not in agreement with me for making a mess of everything.  This absolutism in our thinking doesn't seem to be getting us anywhere productive!

But then I think about this phrase and some of the people I know who are quick to embrace a posture of humility and say, "I could be wrong about this!"  They have a growth mindset and an approach to life that is open and wanting to learn.  They look forward to discovering how they may be able to continue to grow and develop. They are often very quick to listen and slow to speak. They make room for others and can even create enough space where we can agree to disagree and still be in an honoring relationship with each other. 

This is what makes them so attractive - their humility and openness toward others, and when I am with someone like this, it's like gravity that continues to draw me in!  There is a Gravity to their Humility. 

Because I have encountered people like this, it actually makes me want to join them in that Gravity of Humility. Their way of being open and willing to learn helps to foster those characteristics in me. I am drawn away from my own tendency to jump to judgement, and instead embrace a posture of growth, working to open up space for others and their perspectives too.  

Do you know people who have this Gravity of Humility? What's it like to be around them, and what kind of an impact do they have on you? In what ways could you move toward greater openness, growth and learning in your own life, and how might that Humility create a sense of Gravity for others around you too?

Here's to cultivating the Gravity of Humility in our lives this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

A Confession

I was having a chat with a leader last week and they were talking about an idea that really sparked some deep thinking for me.  As I've continued to ponder this, I struggled with the appropriate way to talk about it, but then it dawned on me - A Confession!

Here's the idea - There's a big difference between being Rooted in Purpose vs being Rooted in Comfort.  First, a few thoughts, and then the confession.

Rooted in Purpose

In talking with this leader, they were remarking how decisions, connections, relationships, even practical business realities all flow so much better when they are Rooted in their Purpose.  They are able to be really clear about their fundamental Why* behind them - what makes them tick and get up in the morning. When they stay Rooted in their Purpose, it helps them stay on track and motivated to keep pressing forward when things feel hard.  They stay tapped into their primary fuel and know how to use it to create movement and sustain momentum.  

Rooted in Comfort

In contrast, being Rooted in Comfort has more to do with just trying to avoid what's too difficult. It's about taking the pathway of least resistance, which is sometimes a great idea if it's also Rooted in Purpose, but is often about just trying to get by. Sometimes, being Rooted in Comfort is even held up as the ideal, thinking that eventually the goal is to just be able to coast and relax. In fact, sometimes I think our ideas about retirement are Rooted in Comfort not Purpose, which you may or may not think is bad or good!

A Confession

The truth for me is, most of the time I waver and bounce back and forth between these two realities.  Sometimes I feel very Rooted in Purpose - I know myself, I know my work, I lean in with depth and am not afraid to tackle the hard decisions because I know it will create better results down the road.  But sometimes, the hard things just feel too hard.  It's much easier to slip into a position of being Rooted in Comfort and look for the easy way out. 

It's because of this tendency to slide from Purpose to Comfort that I know I need to embrace two things.  First, some grace for myself. If I beat myself up too badly for slipping into Comfort, it can actually become harder to get back to my Purpose.  But when I give myself some grace when it happens, it's easier to remember my Purpose and then jump back onto that track.  Second, I've created some visual reminders for myself that I can see on a fairly regular basis that help to remind me of my Purpose. I've got a note on my tablet with a message I see whenever I open it. I've got a painted rock on my desk with a symbol and a phrase that helps keep me focused. These small aids remind me of who I am at my core, and that helps me stay Rooted in Purpose.

How about you?  Think of a time when you were clearly Rooted in Purpose.  What did it feel like? How did it impact the decisions you made? When you find yourself slipping into being Rooted in Comfort, what helps you recognize it and how do you jump back onto the Purpose track?  How could you extend some grace to yourself so you weren't punishing yourself, but you were just making the adjustments you need to get back to your core?

Here's to leaning into being Rooted in Purpose this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

*For some great info on understanding your Why, check out this Ted talk by Simon Sinek or read his book, Start With Why.

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.