Slow Down

I recently heard two phrases (at different times) that I wrote down because I thought they might turn into weekly messages.  Little did I know that in retrospect, they are connected together, and here they are now in this one message!

"I have a racecar brain with bicycle brakes!"

I laughed out loud when the person told me this, and I also took notice of how much it resonated with me. There are times when my brain can get moving so fast that it feels like it just runs out of control to all kinds of wild places and imagined circumstances.  It feels like my brain is moving like a racecar, but the brakes are almost useless! Most of the time when this happens, I end up in a place of high stress, often accompanied by worry and anxiety. I imagine scenarios that haven't even started to unfold, and I'm trying to figure out solutions to problems that haven't even happened yet!  Enter the second phrase.

"I believe information is the antidote to assumption."

When the person shared this with me, I immediately grabbed my pen and started writing!  It reminded me of a phrase I frequently use and recommend to others - "What do I actually know about what's happening?"  For example, perhaps I see someone zoom around me on the highway and almost cut me off to get to their exit. As they fly by me, I may think, "What a jerk!"  But, if I allow actual information to come into the picture, what I really (and only) know is that person is in a hurry for some reason! I don't actually know what that reason is, and by assuming they are just doing it to be a jerk is a huge leap based on a wild assumption. Now let's connect them together.

"I have a racecar brain with bicycle brakes, but if I Slow Down and use actual information, it will help to counteract my assumptions."

When my brain starts racing, it is almost always based on assumptions I am making, so telling myself the truth about what I know is a way for me to Slow Down. In those moments I often ask, "What do I actually know to be true about what's happening?" I tap into the actual information and knowledge I have, which counteracts the assumptions and applies some brakes to my racing brain. I work to ground myself in present reality and knowledge, rather than speeding down the highway of unchecked assumptions.  

How about you? Do you tend to have a racecar brain with bicycle brakes? Does that happen because of assumptions you are making? What happens when you apply actual knowledge and concrete information? Does it help you Slow Down and stay more grounded in present reality?  Are there some particular circumstances that seem to regularly be racing for you right now, and how could you ground yourself with some actual information and concrete knowledge about that situation?

Here's to using information to Slow Down our racing brains this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Finding Our Peeps

As we approach the end of January, I have one more thought to conclude what has turned into an unintentional series on Let's Start Well!  

Here are the links to the previous posts in case you missed them:   

Just Pick 1 Thing - Just 1 Step - Be Curious - A Loose Grip

Also, thanks to those of you who have reached out with comments and feedback on the posts that have been meaningful.  It's always great to hear how they resonate with you!

This Week: Find Your Peeps!

No, not the little marshmallow treats.  This is about remembering a simple message - None of us are meant to travel this journey of life alone!  We all need to Find Our Peeps to travel with us.

But what kind of Peeps do we need?  Allow me to suggest a few.

Lovable Peeps

I am blessed to have people in my life who are willing to love me as I am, with an unconditional love that chooses to love me even with all my faults and shortcomings!  But I am also blessed to have people I can extend unconditional love to as well.  So, this first category is about finding people who will love you and who you can love.  These kind of Peeps help to remind us there is something deeper and richer in our lives than what people can do for us, or what we can do for them.  Lovable Peeps break the lie that relationships are transactional, and instead ground us in authentic acceptance and humility.

Sandpaper Peeps

I was part of a training program once that regularly provided feedback and reflection on certain components of my performance.  One of the instructors would always say, "Let me give you some sandpaper feedback because it might feel a little rough at first, but in the end, it's designed to help make you smoother!"  I really appreciated that approach because it reminded me that while they were offering me critique, it was rooted in a desire to help me grow and be a better person.  Since then, I've been able to recognize I need those kind of Sandpaper Peeps in my life - the ones who aren't afraid to tell me the truth, which might feel rough at first, but I know it's always with an eye toward my growth as a better person.

Joyful Peeps

My brother has a personalized license plate that reads Luv2Laf. The amount of times he and I call each other to just share funny stories and laugh together is pretty frequent. I have other Peeps in my life that whenever I see them, they make me smile. They are a source of light and radiance, and being around them lifts my spirit.  I also try to be that kind of person for others. If I can be present with someone in a way that helps them feel lighter and more joyful, I am always honored in my own heart by that.  And given how uncertain and stressful the world feels right now, I think Joyful Peeps are a must!

How about you? Do you have these kind of Peeps in your life? Are there other kinds of Peeps you have found to be meaningful and helpful to your journey? If some of these are lacking right now, what steps could you take to look around and connect with these kind of Peeps in your life?

Here's to Starting Well by Finding Our Peeps this year!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

A Loose Grip

I ran into another idea this week that adds to our opening theme for 2026 of starting the year well. So far, we've thought about Picking Just 1 Thing, and taking Just 1 Step, followed last week by Being Curious.  This week I want to add - learning to live with a Loose Grip.

I don't know if you realize this or not, but there is actually way more that is out of our control than is under our control! When I am facilitating conversations with leaders, one of the topics that comes up a lot is the fact that the only things in life we actually have control over are items connected to the words I, Me & My.  I have control over Me. That's it. My thoughts. My emotions. My reactions. My decisions. I don't actually have control over anyone else, as much as I think or want to!  I may have some influence over you, but I don't actually have any control over anyone else. We also don't have any control over the circumstances that come my way either. Life happens, and then we get to choose how we are going to respond to it.

If you are a parent, you know that the most control you have over your child is the day they are born, and it diminishes downhill from that day forward! That means for those of us who interact with anyone over the age of 10 on any given day, our hopes at control are pipe dreams at best!  The best we can do is work to take control of what we can, which is simply ourselves.

This is where having a Loose Grip comes into play. As I take control of what I can - myself, my words, my actions, my reactions, my choices, etc., I also get honest about all the rest - what I can't control. Once I am clear about the two different lists, I grab hold of what I can, and hold the rest with a Loose Grip.

Some examples....

Let's say you've been given a large task at work to complete that involves other people also taking pieces of the project.  What you can control is the work you have been tasked to do, so you give it your very best. But there are other pieces (and people!) you don't control. So, you may work to influence them like agreeing on deadlines together or being clear about who is taking what tasks, but you hang on to the completion and outcome of those tasks with a Loose Grip, knowing there is only so much you can do with your influence.  In a situation like this, what can often happen is if the other people aren't doing their part, we attempt to take control of what isn't actually ours, and that creates more frustration for us and for them. 

Perhaps you are in a relationship with another person - parent, child, sibling, friend, coworker, boss, etc., and they say something that absolutely flips your lid! Once you take a deep breath and allow your initial emotions to settle down a bit so you can think more clearly, you may be tempted to say, "They made me feel so mad!" The truth is, what they did pushed your buttons and created an emotional reaction, but now you get to be in control of how you respond to their actions or words. As you respond, you work to take control of your emotions, your actions, your responses, but you hold them and their reactions with a Loose Grip. Understand, this isn't permission to act badly toward them, but it is honest in recognizing we can't control how they may react to our response.  We take control of ourselves and act in a way that attempts to be honoring to them, but we also work to be true to ourselves and not manipulate ourselves into trying to control how they may or may not react to us.  We work to take control of what we can - us, and we hold their response with a Loose Grip.

I am sure you can think of lots of other examples where this may apply, but I hope you get the heart of what I am trying to say and how this could be a helpful tool to start the year. When we can be honest about what we have control over and what we don't, it can help us to take control of what we can, ourselves, and then hold the rest with a Loose Grip.

Here's to hanging on with a Loose Grip this week, and this year!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.