Your Voice

Happy Wednesday & Welcome to your mid-week pick-me-up!

I recently attended a conference and one of the keynote speakers was sharing about the ways our brains create stories of meaning out of what we experience. I also recently ran across this video that speaks to the same reality.

In both the words of the speaker, and the message of the video, one thing came through - the stories in our heads aren't always as accurate as we want and think they are! Too often they can be based on assumptions we make about others, or we take things on ourselves from external expectations that may have more to do with cultural norms than actual reality.  

Following the example from the above video, we may make up a story about the person who just stole our parking spot that is based more on assumptions than actual facts.  In that situation the story we created was based on our assumptions about the other person, which it turns out, wasn't the whole story at all!  

But this is often even more true about the story we embrace about ourselves from our own Voice inside of us.  Did you know that the person you listen to the most in any given day is actually yourself?!  And that voice isn't always true either!  For example, the speaker at the conference told a really sad and tragic story about an incident they had in college that negatively shaped the story they were carrying around about themselves for years. Something happened externally that was based on some terrible, unrealistic cultural norms, that caused this person to listen to their own voice tell them they weren't enough for years!  But, they eventually came to realize that the story their own voice was telling them wasn't actually true and they got to be in control of that Voice inside of them and what it was saying.  Then they dropped this powerful gem:

Since the person you listen to the most on any given day is yourself, Be Nice!  

Wow!  How many times do we allow our internal Voice to say negative things about us that aren't actually true? Ways we don't think we measure up to this expectation or that reality? How often is that Voice creating a story that is based more on assumptions or some unrealistic cultural norm, and what would it be like if we decided to be kind to ourselves and actually respond to ourselves with some love and grace?

I wish I could say I was a master at this, but I am actually right in this boat with you! However, it sure feels like it could make a big impact on us if we remembered to just be kind to ourselves!

Here's to reminding Our Voice to be nice this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Connect!

I've decided to make a change for my own sake and do my best to post these weekly messages on Wednesdays moving forward.  Consider it a Hump Day pick-me-up!

This week I want to think with you about making Connections.  To help with the idea - think Legos!

I actually love Legos! If you've ever met with me on Zoom or Teams, you may have seen some of my Lego sets in the background.  To me there's something very satisfying and very calming about building them.  Maybe it's the methodical process involved, but it is something that truly brings me a lot of joy.

Part of what makes building Legos so interesting to me is the variety of sizes, shapes and colors that are involved.  When I was a kid the only ones we had were basic squares and rectangles in about 5 or 6 simple colors. Now the variety is almost endless. What I also appreciate is the cool way they "click" together. When you take time to get them lined up the right way, the Connection they make is unmistakable.  

I've had several conversations in the past week with people about how critical making personal, face-to-face Connections are with people. Don't get me wrong, there is a time and a place for a well worded email (he said in his weekly message!), or a quick Teams or text message. And I think social media can be a good source of a type of Connection, but I'm not sure anything can substitute for a real-life conversation!

For example, I heard a story this week of two friends who found themselves on opposite sides of a political issue. Rather than just dismiss each other and their opposing opinions, they decided to meet in person and talk. During the course of their conversation, they shared quotes and clips of things they had seen on each of their social media accounts that supported their own positions.  What they discovered was both of them were seeing truthful quotes and ideas, but only from a selected point of view. So, neither of them was actually getting the whole picture. It would be like trying to build a Lego set with only 2 colors or 3 kinds of pieces. The nuance and diversity was totally lost until they made a real-world Connection and shared an actual conversation!  Then they were able to build the whole Lego set together!

Now, for those of you who are Gen Z or later, please don't dismiss my perspective simply because I am an old guy! And for those of you who happen to be heavy on the Strategic domain of StrengthsFinder, don't let your desire for efficiency get in the way of a moment of consideration either! 

Here's what I have discovered and continue to learn from my years of working with people, organizations, and leadership circles: a live, face to face conversation holds incredible potential for significant Connection. It can help us find a way to "click" when it seems like there isn't a way for us to fit together.  It can open us up to a beautiful diversity of perspectives and ideas, and allow us to see how we can join together instead of taking a stand in opposition to each other.  And if we have the privilege of having the face to face conversation actually be in person, we can unleash the power of Connection through a handshake or a hug!

As you think about your realm of influence this week and the places you need to engage with others, how could you work to prioritize meaningful Connection? Could you pick up the phone and make a call rather than send an email, and how might that open up possibilities for greater Connection? Perhaps there is some tension in a relationship and rather than be curious over text with some emojis, what might the impact be if you extended an invitation to share a coffee together? At the very least, think about the circles of your life and who you may be able to make a Connection with, and consider how to make that a priority.

Here's to "clicking" into some great Connections this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Problems

I had the honor of enjoying a little time away this weekend with family. During the course of that visit I encountered some situations that reminded me of the message I was planning to send out to you this week.  Timely!

When I was a young leader, had a great mentor who told me, "Stephen, there are basically two kinds of problems. The first kind is where you examine the problem, figure out the solution, and implement it. Then the problem is solved.  The second kind of problem is the kind that never really goes away. You can work on implementing solutions, but it's more about continually reminding people (including yourself) of the various approaches you can take to minimize the impact of the problem."

Problem 1 - Find THE Solution

The place we stayed this weekend had an electronic lock on the door that allowed you to enter a code and it would either open or close the lock. Unfortunately, the electronics were acting up so it wasn't always working. Problem. I can't get in!  Solution - here's the key for the actual lock, which works without the electronics. Solution found. Problem solved.

Problem 2 - Applying Solutions

During our stay, one of our family members shared an ongoing experience they were having with a person of authority in their life who was acting in confusing and frustrating ways.  Despite their attempts at getting to the bottom of the issue, the person of authority was being elusive and not very direct in their communication. We talked together about various ways our family member could continue to engage to the best of their ability, while also acknowledging that much of the situation was beyond their control. We talked about some strategies to get clarification from this other individual, but mostly we talked about what our family member could do to function to the best of their ability in the situation. Various solutions found. Problem not solved, but attempting to keep addressing it.

Over the years I have realized that this description of the two kinds of problems doesn't fit every situation, but it has been a very helpful tool for me to look at life and leadership circumstances. As you think about your life and work this week, are there problems you are facing that would help you to look at them through this lens? If something falls into category 1, what would it take to identify the solution and then implement it?  If something falls into category 2, are there approaches you haven't tried that maybe need to be applied now to see what impact they may have?  In both situations, who else do you need to engage in order to help you find and implement solutions, either to get things solved or to keep addressing them? 

Either way, here's to "Solving" our Problems this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.