Collecting Perspectives

I recently heard two leaders talking about navigating some challenging circumstances with a team.  They were trying to help this team learn some new ways of communicating and working together, and in the process, one of them said, "As I was going through the situation, I really tried to focus on Collecting Perspectives."  When the other person clarified what they meant, they described a process of really listening in a way in which they tried to truly understand and could see from the perspective of the other individuals.

That phrase - Collecting Perspectives - has been rattling around in my head ever since I heard it! As I've been reflecting on it, I realize this is more than just a task I want to take on. I think this is actually a value I want to work to incorporate into my life.

Here's what I mean.  If Collecting Perspectives is a task I am going to accomplish, then the purpose of collecting those perspectives is simply to help me achieve an outcome I want.  I remain the primary subject of the task (me getting what I want). However, if this is a value I want to incorporate into my life, then it shifts the focus from me to the other person I am Collecting Perspectives from.  It allows me the honor of truly working to hear them, understand them, and listen to their hearts in a way that lets us connect and deepen our relationship, and it has the potential of opening me up and expanding my own heart and mind as I better understand them. Maybe this is just another way to be curious (as I've written about before), but it sure feels like a fresh approach that helps me embrace a deeper value I want to live by in my life.

How about you? How does this phrase strike you? Are there certain situations or settings that come to your mind where exercising this value of Collecting Perspectives could be helpful and allow you to expand relationships and connections with others?  Perhaps there is a certain person that you are having a difficult time with that might be impacted by embracing this approach?

Here's to being people who live the value of Collecting Perspectives!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Listen & Expand

I was chatting with some leaders earlier today and I shared with them a new quote I heard in the past couple of weeks.  Unfortunately, I can't remember where I heard it, otherwise I'd give credit where it's due (so if you know, let me know and I'll share)!

Listen to understand and ask to expand.

Let's break it down:

Listen to Understand.  I've written about listening before, so it won't come as a surprise that I think listening, and especially reflective listening, is the absolute best tool to gain clarity and understanding.  When I am in a conversation and I want to make sure I Understand what they are saying, I will often just say, "What I think I hear you saying is...." I find out in a hurry if I have either hit or missed the mark in my listening. Much of the time, if I have missed the mark it's because I stopped listening part way through and starting thinking about my response before I actually listened to them all the way to the end. 

Ask to Expand.  Once I know I have fully Understood, if I want to know more, I engage the superpower of curiosity and ask follow up questions.  One of my favorites is to simple say, "Tell me more about that."  By asking to Expand before I begin my reply or my response, I will often get even greater clarity and insight into what might be motivating this person to share what they are saying. I can listen for more than just the understanding of their words, I can actually open up a window into their perspective and maybe even their values and heart.

Listen to understand and ask to expand.

Not very complicated, but certainly very powerful!

Where might you use these two pieces in your life this week? Is there a particular situation you are facing where listening and then expanding might open up other perspectives and possibilities?

Here's to listening to Understand and asking to Expand this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Two Tools

I spent some time with some leaders yesterday, sharing with them the Two Tools I think make some of the most significant impact on navigating relationships, so I thought I would share them here with you too.  

Let's start with a reality check.​

​The world can sometimes feel like an absolutely jumbled, chaotic mess.

Work...Family...Finances...Politics...Global Realities...ETC!

Then someone walks in and says:

“Just cut the blue wire and everything will be fine!”

This is when our pure Reactions kick in!  They are triggered in the emotional center of our brains and get fueled by all kinds of assumptions and stories we start telling ourselves. 

"Are they crazy?!  They have no idea what's really going on!  How could they think such a simple solution could be the answer to all of this!  Get out of here with your oversimplistic platitudes!"

The problem is, we often act or speak from that place of default negative reaction, which can result in potentially even worse circumstances.  Instead, what we need to do is engage some type of Interrupter that will allow us to move through our Reaction and get to a better Response.

This is where these Two Tools come in.  They are the two best Interrupters I know to help with this situation.

Tool #1 - Make a Generous Assumption

Our default is often to assume the worst.  "That person has no idea what they are talking about! Maybe they are trying to make fun of me, or maybe they know if I cut the blue wire everything is going to explode and they are trying to sabotage me!" However, when we apply this tool of Making a Generous Assumption, it can help to Interrupt those default negative reactions and start us on a different path.

My favorite question for applying this tool is the simple question, "What do I actually know?"  What do I know about the larger context of this person and how I may have experienced them in the past? I know they have offered a solution, so I'm going to assume they are trying to be helpful. By simply asking myself what I actually know to be true, I Can often switch from a negative assumption to a generous one.

And now we apply the second tool.

Tool #2 - Be Curious! (like Ted Lasso and Walt Whitman)

Rather than having my first response to this person be a statement ("Please be quiet!"), I start with asking a question.  "Are you an electrician?  What makes you think this is the best solution?  Is there something you are seeing that I'm not?  Help me better understand your perspective and why you said that?" Then, with more information, I can respond in a better way too!

When I apply these Two Tools of Interruption, they can help me move from my emotional reaction through to a place of a better response.

To be fair, using these Two Tools takes practice. I'm constantly having to remind myself to Make a Generous Assumption and then to Be Curious!  But when I do use them, the outcomes are always far more productive for me and the situation I am in!

As you think about all of the facets of your life right now, where could you use the Two Tools the most to make an impact?  Are there certain situations where you know you are functioning from that place of default, negative reaction? How might you work to Interrupt that environment?

Here's to using these Two Tools wherever they may be needed this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.