Relational Equity

I was in a meeting this week where a participant brought up the idea of creating Relational Equity.  They were talking specifically about how they have tried to be a good teammate to others in their organization, and how they think that has helped them to build Relational Equity with their coworkers. From their perspective, by treating others with kindness and respect, and working to offer a helping hand wherever they could, they hoped it had helped to create some Relational Equity for them so that if they ever needed some help, people would be willing to jump in and provide assistance and support for them. I thought this was a great idea and it certainly lines up with some of the reading and research I have done on the power of leading through relational authority versus positional authority. 

There is one simple facet of this idea that I want to highlight which makes Relational Equity even greater, and that is also a fundamental key when we use it in leadership and life. It's important that we remember that Relational Equity is a by-product of building good relationships with people around us, not the goal.  In other words, if we are trying to build good relationships with people around us just so we can create a bank of Relational Equity from which we can make withdrawals when we need to in the future, we are reducing our relationships to mostly being about transactions between us.  But if our priority is just building and growing strong, healthy relationships, then the Relational Equity becomes a beautiful gift we can draw on in the future, not something we expect because we worked to create it.

With that facet in mind, how are you prioritizing good, healthy relationships with the people around you? Are there particular individuals you can think of that you want to help or serve in some way, simply because you care about them and know they could use an extra hand right now? Maybe you are in a position where you need to tap into the gift of Relational Equity you have already developed with someone, but you're afraid to ask for help? Why not lean into that gift and discover that someone else may be incredibly thankful for an opportunity to be kind and generous to you and show you some love and care?

Here's to living this week in ways that help create the gift of Relational Equity with those around us!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Bravery

I've been thinking this morning about some acts of Bravery I have witnessed in the past week. A couple of them I was able to be present for in person, and a couple of them I received through another person's first-hand experience who shared the stories with me. Some of the settings were similar, but some of them were unique. However, what each of them had in common was a person choosing to stand up in the face of opposition and speak their truth and their perspective with a significant amount of Bravery.  They were careful not to be argumentative or demeaning, but they also didn't back away from being clear and direct about their convictions. I was impressed and took note of their acts of Bravery.

And then this morning I was listening to a new book on leadership someone recommended to me, Wolfpack, by Abby Wambach. As I was listening, something significant hit me that made these acts of Bravery stand out even more - they were all accomplished by women! It dawned on me that as a white man in modern, western culture, these acts of Bravery by these women were noticeable to me, but I don't think I truly recognized (or probably even can recognize to be honest) the amount of Bravery that was required for them to act and speak up. Hearing from Abby's personal experiences reminded me of my privilege, and it also highlighted the contrast between what I thought was simple Bravery, to something more like Extraordinary Bravery.  It made me appreciate even more these various acts I witnessed in the past week.

I realize that I run some risk for pointing all of this out from my perspective as a white male in Western culture, but I also feel deeply compelled to say from that position how grateful I am for the example these women set for me, and for all of us, in the past week. They took risks and stood up and used their voices to speak from their hearts in situations that would have required Bravery from anyone, but that required an extra measure of Bravery given their circumstances. They invited me and everyone who was present to their acts (if they were willing to listen to them and not just be dismissive) to take notice of their perspective and give it consideration because they were willing to be Brave. 

Where have you witnessed Bravery in the past week and how could you acknowledge and thank that person for their Bravery? How might something from your own perspective of privilege gotten in the way of you noticing some extraordinary Bravery, and what could you do to use your perspective to take better notice of it? In what ways might these acts of Bravery help inspire you to act with greater Bravery in your own life? Where might you need to find your own voice and stand up and speak your truth? 

I'm so grateful for the examples I have been able to witness and learn from this week.  Here's to all of us celebrating Bravery when we see it, and acting with Bravery when we need to!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Our Part

I was chatting with a colleague who is a recipient of my weekly email about last week's message on Better Conversations. One of the things they pointed out to me was that engaging in these conversations would actually require both parties to agree to the Grounding Virtues. They helped me realize that while I just assumed everyone would want to lean in and engage in healthy discourse like this, not everyone is actually invested in moving forward in that way.  Some people are more invested in being right or maintaining their positions of power or authority than they are sitting down as equals with others across the table.

Of course, as the Laws of Entanglement would have it, I was also in a group coaching session where one of the participants was sharing with us about a very difficult leadership situation where they are trying to provide some direction and guidance to an up-and-coming leader. One of the challenges they are facing with this individual, and part of their ask for our group to help them process, was the fact that this young leader has all the right words and answers to questions, but they are unwilling to listen to other perspectives or receive feedback when "their way" may not actually be the best way. 

As an example, they asked this person to take on a task that had some pretty clear instructions about how to prepare a particular product, which they did. But the final product didn't turn out very well, and when the person who is guiding them asked them about it, they said, "Well, I didn't follow the instructions because I thought there was a better way to do it."

As we discussed this situation, one of the things that became clear was the focus of this week's message: Sometimes we have to remember that we can only take responsibility for Our Part. The reality is, that's true in every circumstance. We can't control what other people may or may not do. We can only ever take responsibility for what Our Part is in life.

Just this morning I had another conversation about this with a particular circumstance in my own life. There are things about this situation that I wish I could blame on others, or that I tend to wring my hands and say, "Well, if it isn't happening, then what can I do?!" But what I am recognizing is I have to be willing to take responsibility for My Part. It very well may be true that others aren't going to do their part, but if I'm not doing My Part, then I will continue to feel out of control because I am not taking control of what I actually can, which is My Part!

As you think about this idea this week, are there individuals or circumstances where you are tempted to want to place the blame on someone else? How could you look at the situation with greater clarity and rather than investing energy on blame, honestly look at what Your Part is and how you could take responsibility for that?  How could we (our lives, our teams, our communities, our world) all benefit from embracing a growth mindset where we leaned in, continued to grow, and took responsibility for Our Parts? How might taking a solutions-focused approach make it easier for us to look at problems differently and help us more clearly take responsibility for Our Parts?

Here's to being people of ongoing growth who are willing take responsibility for Our Parts this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.