Personal Responsibility

If you've been reading these posts for any length of time, you know how this goes - Stephen has a chat or a conversation with someone(s), or some situation emerges that sparks an idea, and now it ends up in this weekly email.

Surprise! It happened again!

In the past week I have had at least 4 different conversations with leaders about the challenge of working with people who can't (or won't) take personal responsibility for their actions. These individuals typically find another reason or another person who is responsible (or to blame) for why they weren't able to complete their task or follow through on their part. 

Now, it would be very easy to turn these types of individuals into scapegoats themselves and place all of the blame on them.  But rather than do that, I think it's more important to approach this from 2 different perspectives: 1 - Personal Inventory and 2 - Compassionate Accountability.

Let's start with Compassionate Accountability.

If you are a leader and have a person like this on your team, or you have someone like this who is a coworker, I believe taking an approach of compassionate accountability is most helpful.  This is a balanced approach of being kind but firm in not removing their responsibility because that's easier. Rather, it involves being extremely clear about what the actual expectations are, as well as the consequences for not meeting those expectations. For example, if there is a certain report that is required as a part of a job, being clear about what is expected to be included in that report and when it is expected to be done is crucial. It's also critical to be clear about what the consequences will be if the report is not completed correctly or on time. Then, if/when the expectation isn't met, the consequence is enacted and the responsibility for receiving the consequence is clearly placed on the individual who didn't meet the mark.  And to quote Brene Brown, being clear is very kind!

(By the way - if you're a parent, this pattern might work well with kids too - wink, wink!)

Next, Personal Inventory.

It's just as critical to take some personal inventory and examine if there are any blind spots where we may not be taking responsibility for our own actions, but trying to place the blame somewhere else.  I recently had an incident where I realized I was trying to place the blame on a missed opportunity on everyone else, but the truth was, I didn't do my part appropriately. When I came to that realization, it actually didn't feel good and I didn't respond as my best self, so I had to own up to that later, but I needed to take Personal Inventory and recognize the part I did play in the situation.

(By the way - if you're a parent, this is another pattern that's important to own with our kids too - wink, wink!)

As you think about your circumstances, which one of these would be the most important to tackle - taking Personal Responsibility or engaging some Compassionate Accountability?  If it's personal inventory, what do you need to own and who do you need to share that with?  If it's compassionate accountability, how could you make expectations and consequences abundantly clear, and how could you use that clarity to invite the best from others around you?

Here's to working to take Personal Responsibility wherever we can this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

The Penny

When I was in an early leadership role and processing some challenges, one of my mentors asked me if I had a penny. When I had one in my hand, he asked me to hold it right up to my eye and then tell me what I could see. Of course, I couldn't really see much of anything except for the penny.  He then asked me to hold the penny out at arm's length and then tell me what I could see. Obviously, I could see everything around me, including the penny.  Then he said,

Sometimes we can allow things that are actually very minimal to cloud our vision so they are the only thing we see. But when we can get a little perspective, it's easier to see things for what they really are, including that "problem."

Yesterday I had to run an errand that required driving on a two-lane road through a mountain pass. On the way up I was really inspired by the beauty of the natural world around me.  But on the way back, I got stuck beyond a truck and trailer with a driver who was not in a hurry at all!  Since I was now trying to get somewhere for another appointment, I got so focused on the back of that trailer and trying to figure out if there was any way I might be able to get around it, that I didn't even notice it was still a beautiful day and I was in a spectacular place!  That's when my mentor's words came to my mind again:

Sometimes we can allow things that are actually very minimal to cloud our vision so they are the only thing we see. But when we can get a little perspective, it's easier to see things for what they really are, including that "problem."

That trailer had become my Penny and had prevented me from being able to see the bigger picture all around me! I did my best to adjust my perspective and tried to enjoy the rest of the drive, arriving at my next destination no problem.  However, had I allowed the trailer to still be my Penny, I would have arrived at my destination at the same time, but with lots more tension and anxiety bottled up inside of me.

What are you facing today that feels like it's clouding all of your vision and taking all of your focus? How could you shift your perspective to see things in a new way? Who could you chat with that might help you look at that Penny from a new angle?  Could you create some distance from the Penny, and if so, how might that impact the approach you are taking toward it? 

Here's to letting the Penny, just be a Penny this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Loss for Words

I suppose you can tell this isn't coming to you on my typical Monday morning.  Truth be told, I have really been struggling with what to write this week and I realized that I am at a real loss for words.  That's actually challenging for me, because words are often a real source of help and inspiration for me and I love sharing them with others.

(Also, the irony is not lost on me that I am using words to tell you I am at a loss for words!)

But it's been a rough week. Some personal stuff with extended family. All the events happening both locally and in the national arena, let alone the rest of the globe! So much going on and it seems like EVERYONE has an opinion and they're willing to use their words to express it! I even heard people (from every perspective) say things like, "If you're not using your words right now, then you aren't being a good human and standing up for what's (our version of) right!"

But sometimes I just don't have words. In those times it feels like the best I can do is attempt to sit with myself and the fullness of my emotions and let them flow in healthy ways so they don't get clogged up in my system.  What I have found is that if I allow the waves to form, build, and crash, they don't last forever and often there are words on the other side of that flow.  

So rather than try and find some inspirational words for us this week, perhaps I could just invite all of us to find some space and give ourselves time to allow the emotion to flow in some healthy ways. 

What might that look like for you? How could you give yourself permission to let the waves form, build, and crash in ways that are productive? When you find yourself without words, what other practices do you use that let your emotions flow so they don't get clogged up in your system?

Here's to still moving forward when we are at a Loss for Words!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.