EQ Relationship Management & Withness

We have been on a journey exploring the realm of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Today I want to conclude this series by thinking about a leadership concept I call Withness. I believe this idea is a simple way to summarize Relationship Management.

First, a quick reminder of all we’ve covered. Growing our Emotional Intelligence begins with becoming more aware of our own emotions (Self-Awareness), which leads us toward learning how to manage those personal emotions (Self-Management). Once we’re growing in those personal ways, we become more aware of the emotions of those around us, recognizing that their emotions and our emotions, interconnect (Social Awareness). Finally, this growing awareness of the interconnectedness of all of our emotions, leads us to realize how we can impact and influence each other (Relationship Management).

And now, Withness.

This concept can best be summarized by the phrase, “We are in this together.” It recognizes that each one of us is actually better, healthier, more whole and balanced when we learn to support and encourage each other to be the best versions of ourselves.

Someone recently asked me, “What makes a healthy relationship?” I answered them by saying that it involves each person involved in the relationship working to bring out the very best version of the other people in the relationship. When everyone involved is making this goal of serving and supporting each other their priority, then everyone involved can actually grow and flourish.

While we were talking about this in the context of family and partnerships, I actually think this is true of all relationships. When we can remember that we are all in this together, and my ability to help you thrive is a part of what helps me thrive, we are all elevated, growing into the fullest version of ourselves.

Of course, the opposite can also be true. We can function from a place of being selfish rather than a place of withness. It’s possible for us to only think about ourselves and strive to make our lives better, regardless of how that may impact others. But Withness says, “Your wellbeing supports and encourages my wellbeing, and it also impacts our collective wellbeing together!”

As you go throughout your life today and this week, how would your words and actions be impacted if you were focused on Withness. Who are you connected to this week who needs your support and encouragement to be the best version of themselves? How might encouraging them help you be a better version of yourself?

Here’s to Withness - because we really are all in this together!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

EQ: Relationship Management & Conflict

We are continuing our journey through the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), remembering that our EQ can be grown and developed within us!

Last week we reflected on Relationship Management and how we can use our influence with others in a way that is honoring for them, for ourselves, and for our relationships. Today, a few thoughts about the role managing conflict plays in our relationships with others.

We need to start by admitting that when it comes to relationships, conflict is inevitable. I have a number of people I am close to in my life, and I can honestly say I don’t see eye-to-eye with them on everything. In fact, some of my most healthy relationships actually involve our ability to disagree and engage in healthy conflict management together. And that’s the most important lesson for today - there is such a thing as healthy conflict!

So, what does healthy conflict management look like? First, it remembers that everyone involved is a valuable person, and that just because we may have different ideas, that is about our ideas. Being in conflict over an idea doesn’t change the fact that everyone involved has value and are worthy of giving and receiving respect. Therefore, healthy conflict management remembers the personhood of everyone involved and focuses on the issue of our conflict in a way that honors each other.

Second, healthy conflict management works toward some version of a forward solution, which may at times, include a willingness to move forward without coming to agreement. In some of the leadership training I do with individuals and teams, we talk about finding a place of harmony rather than unity with others (ie. all singing the same song, but maybe not the same notes). We can look for the ways we can move forward into positive solutions, even if we aren’t in total agreement about all of the details or the reasons why we ended up here.

As we grow our EQ, especially in the realm of Healthy Relationship Management, it’s critical we remember conflict is inevitable; we are in conflict with real people who matter, we just happen to be in conflict over an issue; and, we can look for ways to move forward together in a positive direction.

How could we approach conflict differently if we worked to separate the issue from the person and we tried to find a place of forward harmony together?

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

EQ & Relationship Management - Part 1

Happy Monday!

We are continuing our journey through the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), remembering that our EQ can be grown and developed within us!

Last week we reflected on Social Awareness as it relates to organizational and team morale, and reminded ourselves that the biggest question in morale is, “What impact am I making on morale?” Today, I want to share some initial thoughts on the fourth layer of Emotional Intelligence - Relationship Management.

A little recap may help. As we become more aware of our own emotions (Self-Awareness), and we begin to learn how to manage those personal emotions (Self-Management), we also become more aware of the emotions of those around us and that their emotions and our emotions, interconnect (Social Awareness). With this growing awareness of the interconnectedness of all of our emotions, it’s possible to learn and grow in our ability to have significant impact on how those connections unfold (Relationship Management).

The first thing we must notice in this area, is that this is about wielding influence, not manipulation or control. We can only control ourselves, not anyone else, despite what we may wish! For example, if we are in a difficult conversation and we say, “You made me feel….” that isn’t actually accurate. What’s really true is, the other person’s words/emotions/actions created a reaction in me, but I am in charge of what I am going to do with those reactions and how I am going to feel about them. We don’t control others and they don’t control us, but we certainly do have a significant impact and influence on one another. That means we must be very careful with that influence!

We can attempt to use our influence to manipulate another person into doing what we want, but none of us appreciate being manipulated, so we want to avoid that if possible. That’s why one of the guides I try and employ for myself is to ask the question, “How can I use my influence in a way that is honoring? To them? To myself? To the situation?” Put another way, “I am going to have an impact with my influence, so how can I work to make sure my impact is positive and honoring in this situation?”

There are a few more layers with Relationship Management I want to cover, but we’ll save that for next week. In the meantime, perhaps we can all consider how our influence is honoring? To others? To Ourselves? To the situation?

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.