Great (but hard) Advice

Good Day, and Welcome to your Mid-Week Pick Me Up!

Or, since tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the US, maybe we should call this your end-of-a-short-week-and-the-eve-of-potential-stress-pick-me-up!

While we like to approach this holiday as an opportunity to practice gratitude (and it certainly is, and we should!), it can also be a time of stress with family, lots of preparations, travel, experiencing loss, etc.  So this week, I'd like to offer two pieces of Great (but hard) Advice I've received over the years that might be great reminders for us.

The first one is something my mom used to say to me.  Maybe yours did too?

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason, so you can listen twice as much as you speak!

When I was a teenager and I heard her say that I would mostly just roll my eyes, but as I've grown older, I see all the wisdom in what she was saying.  When I look around at our world right now, it feels like I wish everyone from the highest offices to the smallest spaces could hear and take my mom's words to heart. But rather than just point at others, I know I need to start with me and remember mom's words for myself first.  I'm so quick to want to "say my peace" or make sure others hear my perspective, especially so they can see how right I am! Or when I do listen, I tend to only listen to their words so I can figure out my comeback, rather than trying to listen beyond their words to see if I can hear their heart and maybe make a deeper connection.  I hear you, mom - Listen twice as much as I speak. Got it.

After I take my mom's words to heart, then I hear the words of my friend James roar into my mind:

Before I speak, I try and ask myself three questions. Is it Kind?  Is it True?  Is it necessary?  If I can't answer yes to all three of those questions, I don't speak!

Come on, James!  Why did you have to tell me that over 35 years ago and I still haven't forgotten it?!  Because it's such Great (but hard) Advice. I certainly want to be someone who works to always be kind with my words. I also desire to be a person of truth and honesty, even if it's difficult. And I am continuing to learn that just because something pops into my mind, even if it is kind and true, it may not be necessary to actually say it!  I hear you, James. Use the questions to help filter my words. Got it.

So as we all head into Thanksgiving (and beyond) this week, maybe we can combine my mom's words and James' advice together into some practical help:

Listen first, then maybe speak!

If we start with listening to others, and we work to listen deeply to their hearts, we'll get off on the right foot and maybe make a deeper connection.  Then, if we use the questions to filter our responses, we may decide to say way less than what pops into our heads, which may turn out to be better for everyone.

Here's to all of us learning from my mom and James this week - Listen first, then maybe speak! Great (but hard) Advice. Got it.

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Cynical is Easy!

I've recently fallen into a trap that I do my best to avoid - being cynical!  

To be Cynical means believing that people are motivated purely by self-interest, or to be distrustful of human sincerity or integrity.  Perhaps you can see why I've fallen into this trap recently, because it's just so easy!  It feels like just about everywhere I look there are people that seem to be motivated by their own self-interest, and I can quickly become distrustful of their sincerity and their integrity.  The truth is, being Cynical is Easy!

The problem is, it's not actually helpful or productive. When I fall into the easy trap of cynicism, it makes me more closed off and judgmental, and I take a much more jaded view of everyone around me. It's like it resets my default from being generous and compassionate to being cautious and wary.  When I'm in the trap of being cynical, it's like the best version of myself is stuck and being prevented from showing up in the world.  

Thankfully, I have had a couple of conversations in the past week that have brought my attention to this, not because people noticed and were pointing it out, but because we were actually talking about one of the antidotes to being cynical - Working to assume good intent.  It was through these chats about the better version of myself that I realized I had fallen into the trap.  In fact, it made me go back and revisit some of my own thoughts on working to assume good intent that I've written about before (so I won't rehash them here), which reminded me of the main point I want to highlight today:

Yes, being cynical is easy and being generous is hard, but it is totally worth the effort!

When we do the hard work of assuming good intent and taking a generous approach toward others, we are able to approach people with more compassion and a greater openness to their perspective and ideas.  It helps to soften our hearts and look for the good, which can lead to greater gratitude and positivity.  And practiced over time, the better version of ourselves are released in the world, allowing our relationships to develop in healthier and stronger ways.

How about you? Have you fallen into the trap of cynicism with me lately? Does it tend to happen with a particular situation or individual? How could you do the work of assuming good intent in that situation or with that person? What would it take to open yourself up and take a more generous approach? How could you switch from starting with judgement and start with curiosity instead?

Here's to avoiding the easy trap of being cynical this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

The Gravity of Humility

Hello!  It's your mid-week boost!

I recently ran across this phrase in a book I am reading, and it was too good not to share!

There's something attractive about folks who believe they could be wrong.

Maybe read that again?!

There's something attractive about folks who believe they could be wrong.

Part of what stood out to me in this was seeing the contrast to it in so many places in our world right now.  It feels like everywhere I look there are people who believe they can't be wrong. Which is immediately followed up with them declaring why everyone who doesn't agree with them is completely wrong! 

What a limiting merry-go-round of claim, point, & blame.  Claim to be totally right. Point out how anyone else who has a different opinion is totally wrong. Blame anyone not in agreement with me for making a mess of everything.  This absolutism in our thinking doesn't seem to be getting us anywhere productive!

But then I think about this phrase and some of the people I know who are quick to embrace a posture of humility and say, "I could be wrong about this!"  They have a growth mindset and an approach to life that is open and wanting to learn.  They look forward to discovering how they may be able to continue to grow and develop. They are often very quick to listen and slow to speak. They make room for others and can even create enough space where we can agree to disagree and still be in an honoring relationship with each other. 

This is what makes them so attractive - their humility and openness toward others, and when I am with someone like this, it's like gravity that continues to draw me in!  There is a Gravity to their Humility. 

Because I have encountered people like this, it actually makes me want to join them in that Gravity of Humility. Their way of being open and willing to learn helps to foster those characteristics in me. I am drawn away from my own tendency to jump to judgement, and instead embrace a posture of growth, working to open up space for others and their perspectives too.  

Do you know people who have this Gravity of Humility? What's it like to be around them, and what kind of an impact do they have on you? In what ways could you move toward greater openness, growth and learning in your own life, and how might that Humility create a sense of Gravity for others around you too?

Here's to cultivating the Gravity of Humility in our lives this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.