Intention

I recently read something that a wise, elderly sage said is one of their daily prayers. 

"God, help me to be the kind of old person young people want old people to be. Help me not just to talk like this but help me to walk around like this and answer the phone like this and talk to my grandchildren like this."

Regardless of your spiritual practice, I was really struck by this thoughtful desire, especially since I am also advancing in years and discovering the definitions of "old" seems to be changing!! It also made me think about it in an expanded way for all of us. What if we modified it slightly and made it work for anyone, regardless of their age?

"Help me be the kind of person others want me to be.  Help me not just to talk like this, but help me walk around like this and answer the phone like this and talk to anyone like this."

It's about setting an Intention and living and acting from that Intentional perspective.

I actually got a chance to witness this in action this week.  I was attending a community event that had some tension and contentious conversations in it, and I saw a few folks engaging with people I didn't think should be listened to (clearly, I need these reminders for myself!).  Afterwards, when I checked in with one of my friends who was engaged in those contentious chats, I asked them how it went.  I was expecting them to immediately say something like, "it was awful!" since that's what I thought it would (and if I'm honest, should) be.  To my surprise, they told me they actually felt pretty good about it and that the other person seemed more open than they thought they would be.  My friend was engaging with this type of Intention in their conversation, so rather than matching the contentious energy of the other person, they engaged with the Intention of who they wanted to be in the world and how they thought others would actually want them to be.  I was able to witness them embody this desire, and it made a difference!

"Help me be the kind of person others want me to be.  Help me not just to talk like this, but help me walk around like this and answer the phone like this and talk to anyone like this."

I really appreciate my friend acting in this way, and through their Intentional example, reminding me of just how important this is.

As you think about this desire in your own life, where are the spaces it feels hard to lean in with this attitude?  Perhaps it would also be helpful to consider who are the people you need to engage with in this way?  Are there contentious spaces or individuals you know are happening around you, and how could you approach them with this kind of Intention?  What impact might occur if we took this kind of Intentional approach in the world in the way we talked and walked and answered the phone?

Here's to leaning in with positive Intention in the world this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Showing Up

I was chatting with a friend earlier this week who is planning to go see his grandkids in their church Christmas musical soon.  I've certainly been to a lot of those over the years, and 'm sure I was even in them when I was a kid!  That got me thinking about the impact of showing up for the people in our lives.

You know the scene, a group of kids are performing, and they are desperately scanning the audience to see if they can find their people, and then the moment of recognition happens and their face breaks into a huge smile with an excited wave.  Or maybe you've seen some of those videos of people who have been gone for a while, and they show up at the door of the house on Thanksgiving or Christmas as a surprise for their family?  Gets me every time!

Showing up matters. 

But here's the thing, it doesn't just have to be something like a performance or a long, lost surprise visit. Showing up in the everyday also matters.

I have a coworker who recently lost his 94-year-old mother, and I witnessed several moments when other coworkers took a minute to ask him how he was doing. Small gestures of showing up that I could tell really made an impact on him. I also know of a person who moved into a new house and their dryer plug wasn't the right fitting for their new place, so their friend came over and took 15 minutes to help change it. It was astonishing to see how much that meant to them.  And as a final example of the small ways we can show up, I know of a very influential leader who is responsible for a massive organization, and they regularly walk around their building just to stop, chat and check in with people as they go about their day. Small gesture, huge impact!

Showing up matters. In the big moments and the small ones, and it doesn't matter if it's family, or friends, or coworkers or leaders.  Each of us can find a way to show up for others in ways that can bring a smile and a wave!

As you think about the routines of your life, where are the small places you may be able to show up with some purpose and intention in the next week?  Are there specific individuals who come to your mind and heart that you sense could use a simple check-in, and what impact do you think that might make if you were to show up in that way for them? Maybe you want to start thinking about a big moment of showing up that you could pull off in the coming weeks or months? I bet it would be powerful!

Here's to Showing Up this week, because it matters!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation

Great (but hard) Advice

Good Day, and Welcome to your Mid-Week Pick Me Up!

Or, since tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the US, maybe we should call this your end-of-a-short-week-and-the-eve-of-potential-stress-pick-me-up!

While we like to approach this holiday as an opportunity to practice gratitude (and it certainly is, and we should!), it can also be a time of stress with family, lots of preparations, travel, experiencing loss, etc.  So this week, I'd like to offer two pieces of Great (but hard) Advice I've received over the years that might be great reminders for us.

The first one is something my mom used to say to me.  Maybe yours did too?

You have two ears and one mouth for a reason, so you can listen twice as much as you speak!

When I was a teenager and I heard her say that I would mostly just roll my eyes, but as I've grown older, I see all the wisdom in what she was saying.  When I look around at our world right now, it feels like I wish everyone from the highest offices to the smallest spaces could hear and take my mom's words to heart. But rather than just point at others, I know I need to start with me and remember mom's words for myself first.  I'm so quick to want to "say my peace" or make sure others hear my perspective, especially so they can see how right I am! Or when I do listen, I tend to only listen to their words so I can figure out my comeback, rather than trying to listen beyond their words to see if I can hear their heart and maybe make a deeper connection.  I hear you, mom - Listen twice as much as I speak. Got it.

After I take my mom's words to heart, then I hear the words of my friend James roar into my mind:

Before I speak, I try and ask myself three questions. Is it Kind?  Is it True?  Is it necessary?  If I can't answer yes to all three of those questions, I don't speak!

Come on, James!  Why did you have to tell me that over 35 years ago and I still haven't forgotten it?!  Because it's such Great (but hard) Advice. I certainly want to be someone who works to always be kind with my words. I also desire to be a person of truth and honesty, even if it's difficult. And I am continuing to learn that just because something pops into my mind, even if it is kind and true, it may not be necessary to actually say it!  I hear you, James. Use the questions to help filter my words. Got it.

So as we all head into Thanksgiving (and beyond) this week, maybe we can combine my mom's words and James' advice together into some practical help:

Listen first, then maybe speak!

If we start with listening to others, and we work to listen deeply to their hearts, we'll get off on the right foot and maybe make a deeper connection.  Then, if we use the questions to filter our responses, we may decide to say way less than what pops into our heads, which may turn out to be better for everyone.

Here's to all of us learning from my mom and James this week - Listen first, then maybe speak! Great (but hard) Advice. Got it.

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.