Be Human

Let's start with a confession today - I have been very sick for the last 36 hours.  Caught some type of stomach bug and I've been miserable.  As a result, I have had to cancel or reschedule several meetings.  I always feel bad whenever I have to do that, partly because I am a people pleaser and I don't ever want someone to be inconvenienced because of me. So, of course I reach out with an apology, as if I have some type of control over getting sick! As you would imagine, everyone is always very gracious and says they know what it's like to be sick too, and wishes me a speedy recovery.

The truth is, this is what it means to Be Human. 

We all get sick. Life throws us curveballs. Unexpected circumstances arise that we don't have any control over, but that requires us to pay attention to them, sometimes right now! This is what it means to Be Human.

And here's the hard lesson for me - part of Being Human is admitting there is no such thing as a perfect life, or a perfect week, or even a perfect meeting.  This doesn't mean that I don't strive to do my best, or work with excellence and give my full effort. What it does mean is that I am willing to also give myself some grace and know that I am human like everyone else. Being Human involves admitting and accepting that we are imperfect beings, and that there is something actually beautiful and life-giving when we are willing to embrace our Humanness!

How about you? Have you experienced something in recent days that has reminded you that you are Human too? Maybe there is a particular area of life that seems to remind you of that more frequently? How could you give yourself some grace this week for those situations, and could you find the beauty in admitting that it's ok to just Be Human?

Ok. I'm going to go rest some more.

Here's to Being Human this week!

Be Well,

Stephen 

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

The Adult Table

I was chatting with a leader recently and they were expressing some ways in which they have been growing in their confidence. At one point in our conversation they said, "Honestly, it feels like I am finally getting to sit at the adult table." That made me smile and I immediately wrote it down with this message in mind.

You remember the kids' table versus the adult table at big family gatherings. All the adults get to sit together and have adult conversations, while the kids are sectioned off in their own corner to goof around and feed their vegetables to the dog. And then you get to a certain age where you think you're old enough to move up to the big table, but you're still stuck at the other one. You get annoyed with the "little kids" you are forced to sit with, and you keep finding reasons to get up from the table and wander over to the adult table and hang around listening and longing to be included.  But, after a few tortuous years, you get the invitation to join the adult table for the whole meal! What a thrill (except for that time you thought it would be funny to join in and tell that joke you heard at school last week, and your parent gives you the evil, stink-eye the whole time you're telling the story)!  You finally feel like you have arrived and your presence matters. Now, I realize this scenario isn't perfect in describing all of reality, because the kids at that table still matter too. But for our purposes here, I want to focus in on that sense of confidence that comes with growing competency.

When we start working on something new or leading a new team or change process, it can feel like we're standing on shaky ground. But with time and experience, our level of competency grows. We have a better sense of what we are doing and how to approach this task or situation. It's not totally new anymore, and that sense of growing competency results in a greater sense of confidence.  We don't have to feel as anxious when we walk into meetings or spaces. We know what we are doing, and it helps us show up in the fullness of who we are.  It's like finally getting to sit at the Adult Table!  

As you reflect on this idea, where do you have that sense of growing confidence because your competency has also been increasing?  Are there spaces you are still showing up like the middle schooler hanging around the edges of the adult table just waiting to join in, and if so, how could you lean on your growing competencies to help you be more confident and show up in the fullness of who you truly are?  What would it take for you to lean in and show up believing that you finally get to sit at the Adult Table?

Here's to continuing to learn and grow in our competency so we can show up with confidence at the Adult Table!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation. 

A Rare Gem

I was doing some traveling this week, which is part of why I am just now getting this message to you. But, that travel also is part of what brought on the seed of inspiration for this week's message, so here we go!

I was in Washington DC this week. I was asked to go and provide testimony before Congress about....HAHAHA!  NOT why I was there, but there was a lot of testifying before Congress happening while I was there! I was also involved in a number of individual conversations with some people I haven't ever met before. These two experiences - one on a more macro level (big spectacle) and some on a more micro level (person to person) reminded me of something:

Real Listening is A Rare Gem!

I'm sure you see the connection to some of the congressional hearings. Was anyone in those rooms really interested in listening? Maybe there were a few rare exceptions, but that actually helps to demonstrate my thoughts this week! However, I also saw it at the micro level. Several of the smaller settings also involved people giving answers and explaining why they were right about the topic being discussed. Again, there were some exceptions, but the people who were truly invested in actually listening was quite rare even in those smaller settings.

This has led me to think about why this is so rare.  To be honest, I want to be a person who breathes in that rare air of authentic listening, so if I can understand more about why it's so rare, maybe I can continue to grow and learn for myself how to be a better listener.  Here's what I've come up with so far, but would love to hear your learnings too!

Real listening is A Rare Gem because much of the time we are rooted in a scarcity mindset rather than approaching others with a spirit of generosity.

When we are rooted in a scarcity mindset, we think there is a limited amount of resources, ideas, kudos, blame, etc.  Who needs to get the credit? Who is to blame? There is only so much _____ to go around! It leads us to take up positions of protection and defense, and it quickly translates into division and separation. Of course this naturally leads us to stop listening to anyone who may be outside of our little echo chamber!

However, if we are willing to adopt a more generous spirit when it comes to others, it opens us up and creates room for everyone.  We recognize that our opinions/ideas/resources are not the only ones out there. We learn that by opening ourselves up to other possibilities we take the cap off the limits of what could be. We discover that by working together we may be able to create something that would be so much better than either of us or our groups could have come up with on our own. This spirit of generosity allows us to let down our defenses and stop worrying so much about protecting our position, so we can stop and truly listen to the other voices around us.

It's important for me to acknowledge how difficult this is for me (us)! There are certain settings and contexts, and even certain types of people that seem to naturally draw me back into a scarcity mindset, and I have to work very hard to see if I can recover a spirit of generosity there.  But that is hard work I believe is worthy of my heart and my attention. It is effort that lets me dig up and find that Rare Gem of Real Listening as a great starting point for ongoing growth and connection.

How about you? Are there certain circumstances, people or groups who tend to draw you back into a scarcity mindset? What kind of tools do you use to help you work to recover your spirit of generosity? Where have you witnessed the Rare Gem of Real Listening this week and how could you apply some of what you saw in that situation in your own heart and life?

Here's to finding and using the Rare Gem of Real Listening in our lives!

Be Well,

Stephen

PS - Don't forget, Decompression is one tool where you can work on finding the Rare Gem of Real Listening (among other things), so please don't hesitate to reach out!  To book an individual session, chat with your manager or supervisor about an appropriate time, then follow this link to a confidential scheduling page on my calendar and choose either the Zoom or in-person option.  You can also reach out via email or my cell phone (call or text), and I would be happy to work together to find a time and location that works well for you.