Removing Our Blinders

I grew up in the rolling hills of Southeastern Pennsylvania, the heart of Pennsylvania Dutch Country.  My next-door neighbors drove a horse and buggy and it was not uncommon to see Amish and Mennonite families driving them all around our community every day. Because these carriages and their "horse power" were regularly interfacing with cars and trucks, the horses could sometimes get startled or become skittish if a car or truck came along too quickly in their peripheral vision. As a result, most of them wore blinders around their eyes which limited their vision to just the road right in front of them.

I've been thinking about that metaphor after my message on The Us vs Them Lens from last week.  To be more specific, I had a great follow up conversation with someone about how we can get stuck in our own tribes and our own echo chambers, only able to see and hear others with our same perspective.  I'm sure you can see where I am going with this! 

It's so easy to only view life through our personal perspective, like we have blinders on. We only talk and listen to people who share our same values, or politics, or religion, or views on life, or whatever.  And let's be honest, when we keep those blinders on it IS easier to not be startled or shocked by something outside of our perspective. While that may feel more safe in the short term, in the long run it only reinforces our simplified view and makes it more difficult to set down that Us vs Them Lens.

This is why it is so important to take our blinders off and look at life from a much broader perspective.  We need to seek out alternative views and see if we can listen to and learn from them.  We need to figure out ways to interact with people who aren't the same as we are, and who can offer us an alternative way to see life.  We need to read books that we wouldn't normally read and listen to other kinds of music instead of the same old playlist.

Now don't get me wrong, I am not saying this is an all or nothing approach. It's still great to listen to U2 (because they are the greatest band ever!), but it's also a good idea to listen to that new album from that new artist that you just heard about too.  This is about making a both/and choice, not just an either/or choice.  We still need to keep our eyes focused on the road in front of us, but we also need to take the blinders off and have a look around at the beauty and diversity of the wider world around us too!

In what areas of your life have you been tempted to keep your blinders on?  How could you make some intentional choices to take them off and look around for some alternate views?  Who do you already know that has a different perspective than you - someone you could engage in some healthy and respectful dialogue with in order to listen and learn from them (notice I didn't say, convince them of your perspective!)? Who could you ask to give you a book or a music recommendation that you know would be different from your normal playlist?

Here's to removing our blinders a little more this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

The Us vs Them Lens

I was recently listening to one of my favorite bands, U2, and one of my favorite songs came on - Invisible.  Here is a link to a youtube recording of them doing an acoustic version in Dublin last year.

The chorus of the song says:

I'm more than you know

I'm more than you see here

I'm more than you let me be

I'm more than you know

A body in a soul

You don't see me but you will

I am not invisible

I am here

Then, at the end of the song they continue to sing this phrase:

There is no them

There's only us

I have also been listening to several conversations during the past few weeks about various situations that seem to have division at their very core (politics, employees and management, Middle East, etc.).  All of those conversations and this song are swirling around in my mind and heart, illustrating a fundamental truth that I think is important for us to name: Our tendency is to view the world through an Us vs Them Lens, but the only way we can actually make significant change is when we set that perspective down and realize, There is only us!

I realize this may sound a bit too over simplistic and even naive, but allow me to give a couple of examples of how we can put this into practice.

Relationships

If we are looking through the Us vs Them Lens at the various relationships in our lives (work, friends, family, political parties, countries, etc.), we tend to primarily focus on the ways in which we are different and how we disagree.  You think this, I think that.  You want this, I want that. You are this, I am that. But when we can set down the Us vs Them Lens, even for a few moments, we can begin to see the places in which we have commonality and shared experience.  For example: You want Chipotle, I want McDonalds. Hmm. Isn't it interesting that we are both hungry.  Or to take it to a larger scale: You want this person elected president, I want this other person elected president.  Hmm. Isn't it interesting that we both want what we think is best for our country and world.  By setting down the Us vs Them Lens we can begin to find a common ground that allows us to have a different starting place than just our differences.

Control

This obviously leads to the second critical component in letting go of the Us vs Them Lens - control. I can ONLY take control of MY lens. I can't make you set down your lens. Accordingly, I have to make a decision for myself whether I am going to keep looking through that lens or not, regardless of what you may decide to do with your lens. And let's be honest, when the other party involved in this relationship is continuing to look through that lens, it makes it very tempting to justify my choice to pick up the Us vs Them Lens because that's what they are doing! But just because they are using that lens doesn't mean I have to use it too. If we are ever going to find breakthrough and change, someone needs to put down the lens first. And since I can only be in control of myself, I get to decide whether or not I am going to use it, or set it down.

I realize you may think I am still being overly simplistic and naive here. However, there has to be a starting point somewhere. Even though this one small choice may only be the starting point, and there are still lots of very difficult conversations that need to happen for systemic change to occur, I would much rather be a part of helping us get to the starting line than just being stuck in these cycles of going nowhere. 

Where are you tempted to use the Us vs Them Lens in your life?  What would it look like if you worked to take control and set that lens down for yourself? How would you need to change your perspective toward the other person or the situation in general in order to let go of that lens? How could you be a part of moving us toward a new starting point?

Here's to laying down The Us vs Them Lens this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Hmm...Let's Try It!

I've been engaged in a couple of leadership seminars and conversations recently that have reminded me of a powerful lesson for leaders that also translates very well into life in general. It's the power of embracing an experimentation mentality, or to put it more simply, "Hmm...Let's Try It!"

Did you know that one of the primary obstacles to forward movement and gaining a sense of momentum is perfection? We try and find the perfect solution, the perfect next step, the perfect answer to this question or that problem.  We can get so caught up in trying to find the perfect, exact, "right" thing, that we end up not actually doing anything!  Our search for perfection puts us in a cycle of spinning our wheels and not moving forward at all.

Now don't get me wrong, I think we need to be very strategic about thinking through options and choices for solving problems and taking next steps.  So, I am not advocating at all for just trying the first idea that comes to mind.  What I am suggesting is that at some point, some kind of action, even if it is imperfect, is going to be better than just continuing to spend more time trying to find the "right" solution.

This is where embracing an experimentation mindset can be extremely helpful. We think about what's in front of us. We consider possible options and next steps.  We process various outcomes and ramifications of all of those choices. And we realize that despite our best efforts and work on those hypotheticals, since it's all going to unfold in the future out in front of us, there is no way to predict it all with total certainty! So, we act on the best options we can decipher with an attitude of experimentation.  "This seems like the best option, so Let's Try It and see what happens. And of course, we will be ready to make adjustments along the way as the journey continues!"  By embracing an experimentational perspective, we keep moving forward and don't get caught spinning our wheels looking for perfection.

Where could you benefit from embracing an experimentation mentality? Are you currently stuck in a problem because you are trying to find the perfect solution? What would it look like to try something, so you are moving forward? Would it help to remember that it's still possible to make changes and adjustments as you keep moving forward, so you don't have to find the prefect solution from the very beginning? 

Here's to embracing an experimentation mindset this week.  "Hmm...Let's Try It!"

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.