Ripple Effect

I was chatting with a friend this week and we were talking about the Ripple Effect of our choices and attitudes. Then, I had a conversation with another friend, and the same idea came up! So, of course, that's what I need to share with you this week!

Here's the basic idea - our actions and attitudes have an influence on the people and environments around us, whether we want them to or not. Through our words, our actions, our reactions, and even our mannerisms, we are making an impact on the space and the people around us. The Ripple Effect will happen, it's just a matter of whether it will be positive or negative.  A story to illustrate.

One of my friends was telling me about a situation in which an individual got very upset with them and came and started yelling and berating them in front of another group of people. My friend remained calm and composed and simply responded to the person that they didn't appreciate being talked to like that, and they felt like it was important for the other person to just walk away.  Of course, that didn't go over very well, so they yelled some more and then said a few choices words over their shoulder as they were walking away. After a few minutes, two other individuals who had witnessed the encounter individually came to my friend and told them how much they appreciated the calm way they had handled the situation in the face of how awful the other person had been to them.

In this one encounter, multiple Ripple Effects were happening. The person doing the yelling made a significant negative Ripple Effect. They may not have intended this to happen, but that entire group of people who witnessed their tantrum lowered their feelings and expectations of that individual.  Conversely, my friend made a positive Ripple Effect by the way they responded, elevating their opinion to that same group of people.

That's the thing about the Ripple Effect, usually it isn't ever the reason we do or say something, but it happens whether we want it to or not. The person yelling wasn't trying to have the other people think less of them, and my friend wasn't trying to have the other people think more highly of them, but that is exactly what happened because of the Ripple Effect.

Here's the main point - being aware of the Ripple Effect can help us be more mindful up front of how much of an impact we are making. It allows us to make choices that create the kind of Ripple Effect we want to be making in the world.

Maybe you can think of a situation this past week where you can see the Ripple Effect. How did that circumstance come about? What was your role in it? What kind of an impact did your words or actions have on the people involved? Is there something you need to go back and correct? Maybe you witnessed someone make a powerful, positive Ripple Effect and you need to go and express how much you appreciated the way they handled things?  Finally, as you head into the weekend and next week, how could you be mindful of the Ripple Effect you are having and make some intentional choices about the kind of Ripple Effect you want to make?

Here's to being mindful of the Ripple Effect we are making in the world!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Accountability & Responsibility

I had a powerful conversation this week with some leaders around the ideas of Accountability & Responsibility. 

In our conversation we discussed that Accountability is an external factor that comes to us from the outside - some external entity (friend, supervisor, boss, board, etc.) attempts to hold us accountable to a set of expectations that have been given to us. Those expectations could be in the form of a job description or a series of tasks we've been asked to complete. Maybe they are even actions we want to accomplish personally, but we've asked someone to hold us Accountable to completing them ("Ask me next week if I've finished my exercise routine this week").

Our conversation also acknowledged that Responsibility is something that happens internally and can only be carried by the individual themselves.  In other words, someone may be trying to hold me Accountable to performing my job description but that only works if I am willing to take personal responsibility for meeting those expectations. If I am unwilling to carry the personal Responsibility from an internal perspective and I try and pass of the blame for why something isn't getting done to someone/something else, then the Accountability won't really work. 

Using our exercise routine illustration as an example, if my friend asks me next week if I got my routine done this week and all of my answers involve some reason why I couldn't that blames something else (I couldn't get to the gym because I had a flat tire, or it was just too hot to get that sweaty), then I'm not taking personal Responsibility for my own choices and their Accountability isn't actually effective.

As you think about these two issues of Accountability & Responsibility and the way they interact with each other, what kind of circumstances come to your mind? Is there a situation in which you are the one who is trying to engage Accountability with someone else and they can't seem to take Responsibility for their actions? How will you try and lean into that conversation in a way that attempts to focus on their Responsibility? Or maybe there is something you are being held Accountable to, but you are pushing the blame to other people or areas rather than taking Responsibility for your own actions? How could you shift your perspective to start taking personal Responsibility for your part in the situation?

Here's to allowing Accountability & Responsibility to work together as partners in our lives this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

MINE vs NOT MINE

I've been thinking and talking with a number of people in the last week about a simple exercise that at various times of my life I have found very helpful. Maybe it will be helpful for you too!

Start by grabbing a blank sheet of paper and making two columns on it. Label one side "Mine" and the other side "Not Mine." You should end up with something like this:

     MINE                              NOT MINE

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

Now, think about a situation that is currently causing you some struggle or that is creating some confusion or tension. As an act of helping to bring some clarity to this situation, take some time to write on the left side the parts of this situation that you have control over - the stuff you can actually do something about. Then on the right side of the paper write down all the facets of this situation that you can't actually do anything about - the things that are out of your control.

When I take time to engage in this exercise, I often get surprised at how few items end up on the left side of the paper and how many things end up on the right side! I also quickly recognize that on the left are things like my reactions, my words and actions, my choices, etc., and then everything else ends up on the other side of the line - other people's choices, what has already happened, decisions made by other individuals or organizations. What I also quickly notice is that most of my tension or struggle comes from trying to take more control over things that are on the right side of the line, but that I actually can't really do anything about! My tension comes from trying to move things from the NOT MINE side to the MINE side!

Now that we have the lists in front of us, we are going to take one more step.  Underneath the left side, write the word "Act" and underneath the right side, write the words "Let go." 

     MINE                              NOT MINE

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

      ACT                               LET GO

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

As we consider the items that are MINE, we can write down specific actions we can take to engage with this situation - concrete steps we can actually take that are under our control. We can also write down ways we can work to Let Go of the items on the right side of the page that we don't have any control over. 

What I have discovered every time I have engaged in this exercise, and what I encouraged the people I was talking to about this tool this week, was the ways it simplifies things. So much of the tension I feel about these situations immediately diminishes by just being clear about what's Mine vs what's Not Mine!

How about you? What circumstance comes to your mind that would be helpful to map out on this paper? What kind of clarity might arise simply by taking 5 minutes to grab that sheet of paper and make these two columns? 

Here's to being clear with ourselves about what's MINE vs NOT MINE this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.