EQ & Self-Awareness

Happy Monday!

Last week I introduced the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). As I shared, one of the exciting realities of EQ is the fundamental belief that it can be grown and developed within us.

Today I want to share some thoughts on the first component of EQ, Self-Awareness.

This is really the beginning point of understanding and growing our emotional intelligence. In its simplest form, Self-Awareness is all about noticing and becoming more aware of our own, personal emotions as they happen and unfold in us, and then being able to identify what they are and how they are impacting us.

For example, we might be in line at a store and someone cuts in front of us and we have an emotional reaction to it. The reaction is normal and not really controllable in the moment, but when we engage our Self-Awareness we notice that we are having an emotional reaction, which allows us to become curious about it. “I am experiencing an emotional reaction right now. What am I feeling? What is it about this situation that caused this reaction? What is it doing in my physical body (red face, pressure in my chest, knot in my stomach, etc.)?”

Next week we’ll consider the power of being able to specifically name our emotions, but for this week, perhaps the first step is simply to pay attention. Take time to notice when we are experiencing an emotional reaction, and then, get curious about it. Step back from it (just a little) and ask some questions. “Where did this come from? What am I feeling? What physical reaction is it causing? Why did this situation bring that out?”

As we start to pay attention, we will already be working to increase our Self-Awareness and our EQ!

Be Well,

Stephen

EQ - Emotional Intelligence

Most of us are aware of the idea of IQ - the score associated with a person's intelligence. However, in the past several years, a new field of study has emerged related to another measurement known as EQ - Emotional Intelligence. One of the fundamental beliefs about a person’s IQ is that it is static, or fixed. In contrast, one of the exciting components of EQ is the fundamental belief that it can be grown and developed.

Today I want to launch a series of messages outlining just what EQ is, and how we can work to grow and strengthen it in our lives. For this first installment, I simply want to share the four components that make up Emotional Intelligence, and then we will take a closer look at each one over the next several weeks.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is comprised of Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management. Each of these layers build on one another, so the beginning point for growth is increasing our awareness of our own emotions (Self-Awareness), then learning how to manage those emotions (Self-Management). From there we become more aware of emotion in others (Social Awareness) and learn how to manage emotion within those relationships (Relationship/Social Management).

Here is a simple chart to illustrate:

Some initial thoughts to ponder: Is this a new idea, and if so, what does it bring up? Is there someone you think might have a high EQ - they seem emotionally intelligent? What qualities and characteristics do they possess that lead you to think that about them? Where do you think your EQ might be? What would it take for it to grow in your life, and what impact might that make?

One of the things I love about studying EQ is that no matter where an individual may be, growth is possible! As a certified Emotional Intelligence Coach, I'd love to chat with you about that journey of growth. Feel free to reach out for a free 30-minute consultation if you're interested!

Your Permission Slip!

Back when I was in junior high and high school (in the Dark Ages when we had to walk to school in the snow, uphill, both ways!), if we had to leave class we had to get a permission slip from the teacher. In some schools it was a hall pass, but either way, it was a slip of paper with someone's signature on it (a person of "authority") who was giving their permission to the person carrying the slip to be going or doing whatever it was they were doing.

I attended a conference once where the organizers (thanks Rob Bell & Liz Gilbert!) led us in an exercise of writing our own permission slips. It was a way of trying to remove the barriers that got in the way, mostly in our own minds, of actually doing something good for ourselves. They gave us lots of ideas of things we maybe wanted to do, but we kept talking ourselves out of. They essentially asked, "If you could write yourself a permission slip and it gave you the authority to actually do it, what would you write?"

At first glance this seemed like a silly idea to me - it's just a piece of paper! But the more I thought about it, and then actually did it, it became a significant exercise for me. In fact, I still keep that permission slip in my journal and periodically review it! The power of the slip wasn't actually about the paper, it was about giving myself time and space to actually think about what I had been holding back from, and what I had been talking myself out of because I "shouldn't," and then putting that down on paper for me to see it in a concrete way.

If you were going to take some time this week and write yourself a permission slip, what would be on it? What have you been avoiding that just needs tackled? What have you talked yourself out of because it seemed too selfish? What have you been doing or not doing because you "should" or "shouldn't" do it? What would it mean for you to actually give yourself permission to go for it? Why not take some time and reflect, and write yourself a permission slip?

Yes, you have permission!