WITHness and Permission

For this week's message, I want to pick up on one more idea related to the concept of WITHness (for the previous messages you can use these links: WITHness and The Intentionality of WITHness).

There is a tension that you may have felt as you read last week's message, especially as I shared that leaders are willing to sacrifice their own personal feelings and reactions for the good of the whole. It may have seemed like I was saying we need to just ignore how we are feeling, but I want to remind you I also shared that we do this "at times."  There is a time and a place for making sacrifices AND there is a time and place where it is important for us to share openly and transparently about how we are feeling, or about what our raw reactions may be to a situation.  In other words, there is a tension that exists between being intentional about our choices with our words and our reactions, AND also giving ourselves permission to be real with ourselves and others.  This is not an either/or reality. It's both/and.  As we become more aware of the impact we have on the people and spaces around us, we have to work at balancing our impact between sacrifice and permissioning. 

Allow me to illustrate using another story. I had a situation recently where someone I was supervising was making decisions that were not being helpful to the overall team and the goal we were working toward.  Their behavior was very frustrating to me, especially since they had been involved in this work for some time and I didn't think I needed to be coaching them on the basics of what they were doing! I called the person over, and in the moment allowed my frustration to be known to them about something specific that was not being done in that exact moment which needed to be addressed. There is no doubt they knew I was very frustrated! After those immediate tasks were safely completed and we had a few more moments to actually talk, I took them aside and better explained myself and my actions.  I also expressed that if they thought I spoke to them too strongly in the moment, I was sorry for the way in which I spoke to them, while I was also still standing firm in my frustration for the situation. I was aware that both my tone and reaction in the moment had an impact, AND it was still alright for me to be frustrated with the situation and their behaviors.

This is part of the balance as we navigate WITHness - we continue to learn how to live in the tension and balance between being highly intentional, sometimes to the point of self-sacrifice, AND giving permission for our own emotions and reactions to be real.  And let me just add that the greatest leaders I have ever worked with were willing to see this as an ongoing learning process, acknowledging that they didn't always get that balance right, and owning up to it when they didn't!

How are you navigating the balance between the sacrifices which are sometimes necessary for being highly intentional about our impact, AND being willing to give ourselves permission for being real and authentic? Which one comes more naturally to you, sacrificing yourself or permissioning yourself? How could you live more in the balance and tension of the BOTH/AND vs the either/or?

Here's to being intentional AND giving ourselves Permission as we live into our WITHness!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

The Intentionality of WITHness

I had another thought related to my message from last week about WITHness I want to expand on this week.

I finished that message with these words: I've said this before and I'm sure I will say it again, but we are all contributing to the culture of the spaces around us, so we might as well be intentional about the kind of culture we want to create with our influence and leadership!

That intentionality is what I want to focus on today - simply put, I don't think most of us realize the impact our attitude and presence has on the spaces in which we participate.

For example, I have a small part time job that requires a decent amount of ongoing training. Most of us have some version of this in our lives, whether it's CEUs or periodic training courses we need to complete, so we just kind of know it comes with the role. However, in this particular case, a new product was added to what we offer which required a significant amount of additional, up-front training. I noticed there were some fellow employees who felt like it wasn't ideal, but since it was a requirement, they just made the best of it. I also noticed there were other employees who decided it wasn't fair and was too difficult, and they spent a lot of time complaining about it. And I can also say with certainty that each of those groups contributed to the atmosphere of our environment! Quite frankly, I MUCH preferred being with the ones who decided to just roll with it, and I tried to avoid being around the ones who were complaining.

Now it might be easy to draw the conclusion that I don't think you should complain.  While that may be a simple and true conclusion(!), that would miss the bigger point I am hoping to make.  Our words, our actions, our attitudes matter and they definitely make an impact on our environment.  Great leaders and teammates recognize this, and so they work with intentionality to make their impact positive for the good of the whole. In other words, they are willing (at times) to sacrifice their own personal feelings and reactions, in order to purposefully choose words and attitudes that make the space better for everyone.

As you think about the various spaces and environments of your life, where are the ones that feel the easiest and how can you enhance the beauty of those spaces?  Which ones feel the most frustrating or unfair? How could you make some intentional choices about your attitudes or words that could make a difference for the good of the whole?  What personal sacrifices might be required of you to be a great leader and teammate in those spaces? How could you become more mindful of the impact your life has on all the spaces in which you live, and how could you be more of a positive contributor there?

Here's to being INTENTIONAL about creating WITHness this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

WITHness

Last week I gave a presentation on Authentic Leadership to a group of individuals from our community. Since it was a very brief presentation, I only had time to go through a couple of the most critical elements I believe are absolutely necessary for being an effective, authentic leader.  One of those elements is something I call WITHness, and since that flows well with my post last week about Connection, I thought I'd share some thoughts about that with you this week.

WITHness

The basic idea of WITHness is when an individual or leader helps those who are around them feel like "we are all in this together." It's about being willing to jump in and do what's necessary to accomplish our mission.  It's marked by an attitude that no task is "beneath" me, so what can I do to help?

Now, before you stop reading because you don't think you are a leader, let me also say I believe leadership has way more to do with how we use our influence than it does where we may be on an organizational chart! And if that's true, then everyone has the capacity to help cultivate a sense of WITHness in lots of different areas of our lives, not just work.

Here are some examples of what WITHness can look like in action. As you read these statements and questions, think about the various areas of your life and how you might use some of them to foster a greater sense of WITHness with the people around you.

WITHness says:

Let's make sure we are clear about expectations and roles - who's doing what, when.

WITHness asks:

Just checking in.  How are things going and is there anything I can do to help?

WITHness says:

I know this is hard and a challenge right now, but I believe we can do this as we all pitch in together.

WITHness asks:

Where are the frustration points and what can we do to alleviate those as much as possible?

WITHness says:

Please speak up and let me know what I can do to help and support, because without your input, I may not be able to figure out what we need to do on my own.

WITHness asks:

What can we celebrate together, and who can we thank for their efforts?

I hope these spark some ideas and places where you could be intentional about creating WITHness in your life.  What areas came to your mind? How could you implement some of them this week? Where might you have influence that you didn't really think was a place of "leadership" but is a space you could work to cultivate WITHness?

I've said this before and I'm sure I will say it again, but we are all contributing to the culture of the spaces around us, so we might as well be intentional about the kind of culture we want to create with our influence and leadership!

Here's to being a Creator of WITHness this week!

Be well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.