UnFiltered Reality

Have you seen those posts on social media where they show the filtered version of the picture, but then they also show the "reality" version? 

Filtered: "Here we are at this amazing, exotic location with no one else around!" 

UnFiltered Reality: "Here we are with all the people who were also there that we had to crop out of the photo!"

In some ways, I think the flood of images on social media has almost created an unrealistic expectation of what life is supposed to look like! The problem is, Reality doesn't automatically come with a Filter. We may try to add it, either to fit in or to be polite, but what it inevitably does is insulate us from making real, vulnerable connections.

For example, I was chatting with a colleague last week and we were remarking how the question, "How are you?" has basically lost all of its meaning in our world. It's essentially just a polite platitude we use in place of hello. Most of the time we aren't looking for a real answer when we ask it, and we often don't give a real answer when we are asked - it's usually just a simple, "I'm fine, How are you?" in return. 

But what if we decided to remove the Filters a bit and leaned a little more into Reality? Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for oversharing (we've all met those people in the line at the grocery store!), but I do think some genuine curiosity combined with some authentic vulnerability, can go a long way to making better connections. I also think this is true if we are leaders, friends, partners, parents, colleagues, etc. This is about opening ourselves up and inviting others around us to open up to the common space of simply being human together - a little bit of UnFiltered Reality!  

As you think about your life and the possible connections around you this week, where might you take an extra moment to be a little curious and ask, "Seriously, how are you?" and then wait for an unfiltered answer? If you get asked that question yourself this week, how would you answer it in a more authentic and vulnerable way? Are there individuals in your life that you know are experiencing some extra strain, and if so, what could you do to check in with them in an unfiltered way?

Here's to leaning into UnFiltered Reality just a little bit more this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Stoic Self-Discipline

I was chatting with a friend last week and we were talking about a project he is working on related to trying to get better control of his time.  He works in a job that has lots of moving parts and his email and phone can beep and ring at any minute, shifting his attention to something “more pressing.” We talked about some strategies for managing his calendar and ways to navigate the “emergencies” that pop up so that he is working to be more proactive rather than reactive in his weekly schedule.  

I have to admit, it wasn’t a conversation just for him! So much of our chat resonated in my own heart and life too.

Our discussion was primarily driven by our desire to be people who live from our values, trying to live with some real intention and purpose in our lives.  This is what’s at the heart of the fourth pillar of Stoicism: Self-Discipline. While I have enjoyed thinking about the three previous pillars of Stoicism during this series, Wisdom, Justice, and Fortitude, this fourth pillar seems to really hit home for me.

The Stoics didn't think of Self-Discipline as harsh self-control or deprivation. They understood it as the practice of aligning our actions with our deeper values, which actually creates more freedom, not less. When my friend and I choose to react to all of the pop-ups in our lives rather than focus on being proactive, we aren’t really choosing freedom—we are choosing the path of least resistance. But that choice takes us away from something we actually value more: the satisfaction of working with greater purpose and alignment. Self-Discipline, in the Stoic sense, would be choosing to honor that deeper value even when the easier option is to react to the pop-ups.

I’m sure it’s not hard for you to imagine that these kinds of conversations happen regularly with leaders. They say they value being present with their teams, but then admit they check emails during one-on-one meetings. Or they'll say work-life balance is important, but they often work late and miss family dinners or activities. And I resonate with every one of those conversations! It’s not that we're bad people—we’re just choosing the immediate over the important.

The beautiful thing about Self-Discipline is that it's not about perfection. It's about practice. When I catch myself reacting instead of focusing with purpose, I try not to beat myself up. Instead, I work to notice it, remember my deeper intentions and values, and make a different choice the next day (or hour!). Some days I succeed, some days I don't, but the practice itself is what builds the muscle.

Self-Discipline is the daily practice of choosing what matters most, even when what matters least is easier.

What deeper values do you hold that aren't always reflected in your daily choices? Where in your life could practicing Self-Discipline actually create more freedom and alignment? Is there a small, daily practice you could commit to that would help you live more in line with who you want to be?

Here's to practicing Self-Discipline like a Stoic this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation. 

Stoic Fortitude

A couple weeks ago we started a 4 part series on the Four Pillars of Stoicism: Wisdom, Justice, Fortitude, & Self-Discipline. So far we've examined Stoic Wisdom and Stoic Justice. This week we'll take some time to reflect on Stoic Fortitude.

Have you ever had one of those weeks where it felt like everything that could go wrong, did go wrong?! An unpredictable work situation; a phone call about a family circumstance that required immediate attention; and then top it off with a car break down! The frustration levels just keep growing, and our first reaction is to try and control all the outcomes that are clearly beyond our actual control!

This is where the third pillar of Stoicism: Fortitude, can be extremely helpful. The Stoics understood Fortitude not just as toughness or grit, but as the wisdom to focus our energy on what we actually have control over, and the courage to let go of what we don't (sound familiar?).

Those chaotic weeks are the perfect opportunity to practice this ancient wisdom. We might not be able to control the work situation, but we can control what adjustments we can make in response. We can't control the family crisis, but we can decide how we want to show up to support the people we love. We may have done all the preventative maintenance necessary on our car, but in that moment, we still can't control it breaking down. What we can do is decide how we talk to the tow truck driver and how we work to figure out alternative transportation.

Fortitude is about recognizing the difference between what happens TO us and what happens THROUGH us. We don't get to choose many of the circumstances we face, but we always get to choose our response. This isn't about being stoic in the "emotionless" sense that people sometimes think of—it's about channeling our emotional energy toward the things we can actually influence.

I was coaching someone last month who was frustrated with a coworker who constantly interrupted in meetings. We spent time exploring what was within her control: she could speak with the person privately, she could address it in the moment during meetings, or she could adjust how she communicated her ideas to be more concise. What wasn't in her control was whether that person would actually change their behavior. Fortitude meant focusing her energy on her own actions rather than trying to control someone else's.

Fortitude is learning to put our energy where it can actually make a difference.

What situations in your life are draining your energy because you're trying to control things that are beyond your influence? Where could you redirect that energy toward something you actually have power over? Is there a relationship or work challenge where practicing Fortitude might help you feel more grounded and effective?

Here's to practicing Stoic Fortitude this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.