Leadership is Serving!

One of my favorite authors on leadership, Simon Sinek, recently posted this on his LinkedIn account.

This is a powerful reinforcement of one of the central ideas I believe about leadership, that at its core, leadership is service. When we figure out how to serve those who are around us, we are better leaders. When we focus primarily on ourselves and what we are getting, or how well people are following us, our leadership is weakened.

So, what does it look like to serve others as a leader?

I'm so glad you asked!

In order to serve others, we have to come to a clear understanding of who are "the others." First, it's easy to think about serving those who are above us in the org-chart. After all, if we do a good job for them, we will eventually be rewarded. But when we serve those above us with that mindset, we are still serving ourselves! Instead, we need to learn to simply serve them, helping them succeed for their own good!

It also seems easy to think about serving those who are around us in the organization - our peers. But we need to be careful that we don't fall into a quid pro quo mentality here - I'll do this for you, expecting that you will return the favor sometime. If I'm only ever helping you, expecting that you will one day help me, that won't ever feel like my help is genuine and it won't be long before it may be refused! Instead, we need to learn to simply serve them, helping them succeed for their own good!

Another group that is more challenging to think about in this way is the people we are actually leading. Our tendency here is to think that these individuals ought to be serving us! After all, when we give them tasks to complete, isn't that what they are supposed to be doing, getting that done and bringing it to us?! While that is technically true, I believe great leaders look for ways to encourage, support, and help those they are leading. It's embracing an attitude that says, "I care about you, not just the work you can/should produce for me!" We need to learn to simply serve them, helping them succeed for their own good!

The final group we can serve are the people who are our customers or clients. Now this might seem like a no-brainer, because we even build this into the language we use. "We are providing them a service." However, I have seen a lot of organizations be so focused on the "service/product," they forget it is for a person! The truth is, this customer/client has a name and a story, and one of the greatest acts of leadership service we can provide for them is to actually see them, not just give them our "service." We need to learn to simply serve them, helping them succeed for their own good!

Got the pattern yet?! Authentic and genuine service in leadership is about looking for ways to "work with each other, for each other," helping others succeed for their own good, and it makes our culture stronger. Thanks for the reminder, @simonsinek !

Here's to looking around this week and seeing how we might lead by serving!

Be Well, Stephen Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

My Energy Bucket

I was recently working on a seminar related to tools and strategies for helping lead and manage yourself, and was reminded of this saying on the topic of self-leadership:

Leadership is about managing your energy first, and then helping others manage their energy.

Most of the time in leadership our focus is almost entirely on others - How can we have the greatest impact on the people around us we are leading? (By the way, I believe one of the purest forms of leadership is simply influence, and we all have places where we do that, which makes all of us leaders!) While focusing on others is a critical component of leadership, we can't forget that unless we are paying attention to ourselves and helping to make sure we are functioning from a place of balance and stability within ourselves first, we can't ever hope to influence and help others.

That's part of the reason why I like this saying - it focuses on the idea of managing energy. In particular, it acknowledges that my energy is the only energy I can really directly manage and control, so if I start there and make sure I am managing my own energy well, then, and only then, can I turn my attention to helping support others as they work to manage their energy. It's kind of like the safety briefing on an airplane when they tell you that if the oxygen masks come down you should put yours on first, and then help others around you.

Another way I illustrate this is by using the metaphor of an internal bucket. Each of us has an internal bucket of energy and there are all kinds of things that are either filling or draining that bucket (and sometimes, something or someone can be both filling and draining!). But if we are only ever focused on the people and circumstances around us (the pouring-out or draining process), and we ignore the filling process, it won't be long and we will be running on fumes and approaching the possibility of burnout. This is why we need to monitor and spend time focused on managing our own energy, and in particular the things that fill us up, if we are ever going to function in a sustainable way as leaders.

So, how are the levels in your energy bucket? When was the last time you took an inventory of that energy? What are the things that fill you up? What could you do this week to engage in one of those practices, and what kind of an impact could that make on your ability to support others in the management of their own energy?

Here's to managing our energy and filling our buckets this week! Be Well, Stephen Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive and personal coaching, as well as leadership development resources and consulting. We’d love to support you, so click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Learning to be Content

After last week's message about connection, someone reached out with a powerful insight that is connected (ha!) to the thought I have for this week. They shared that making a connection with someone else will only go as far as the other person's receptivity to the connection. This highlights the fact that while we may have the best of intentions, often there is so much that is beyond our control we have to continue to learn to how to adapt and respond to all of that "out-of-control-ness." This is where today's topic of contentment comes to play.

It seems like we hear a lot about trying to be happy or working toward happiness as a goal or objective for life, but I think that pales in comparison to learning to be content. Here's how I see the difference: happiness usually seems to be connected to external circumstances. If I have a good job, a place to live, and some good relationships, then I can be happy. Or if the right political party is in office and making the best choices, then we can collectively be happy. It's almost like a formula - If such and such happens, then happiness will result, but it almost always seems to be related to some measurement of external circumstances that determines whether or not happiness will show up.

In contrast, I believe contentment is about learning to live from a place of internal settledness that isn't dependent on external circumstances. It's about learning to find a space of internal peace and gratitude that provides a place of anchoring, even when the circumstances of life don't go "my way." I have a friend who I met through the Center for Mind & Body Medicine training we participated in here in our community, Dr. Tanmeet Sethi, who wrote a book about this (Joy is My Justice). Joy is the language she uses to explain what I mean here by contentment, and she makes the claim (and I agree!) that everyone has the right and the ability to claim their joy/contentment in life.*

Now you might be thinking, this is a great idea, but what does it look like to practically take steps toward finding that kind of contentment? Well, this brings us back to the feedback from last week's message. I believe the first step in moving into the inner space of contentment is by getting very clear with myself about what I can control and what I can't control. The simple act of asking the question, "Is this something I can control?" can be a powerful starting point.

For example, let's say I am confronted with a person who is upset and expressing their frustration toward me. If I can be clear that I can't control their frustration but I can control how I respond to their frustration, that simple process of clarification can help me to settle down internally a little bit. Another example of how I use this is by saying to myself (I try and mostly say this internally!), "that's not mine to carry." This is particularly helpful if someone is making decisions I don't agree with and I am feeling frustrated by their "bad" choices. The truth is, their choices aren't mine to carry, which helps me settle down internally a little bit.

As you think about the circumstances of your life right now, are there some places you are not experiencing contentment? How could being honest about what you can control and what you can't control help you take a step toward that internal contentment? Where might it be helpful to think, "That's not mine to carry" and how might that help you settle down internally a little bit?

Here's to not settling for happiness, but reaching toward contentment!

Be Well,

Stephen

*Dr. Sethi makes the case that claiming our joy is actually a way in which we can practice and live out our justice, and I would highly recommend her book! Joy Is My Justice: Reclaim What is Yours, Copyright 2023 by Tanmeet Sethi, MD and available at your favorite book retailer.

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.