Hang In There!

Sometimes we just have to hang in there.

I don’t know about you, but there are times when I am involved in hard and difficult situations or relationships, and my instinct is to just bail out. “It’s too hard. It’s too stressful. It’s too much!” We get fed up, often for good reasons, and so we make the decision to bail out.

That desire to leave a tough spot can also be clouded by the notion that there is something better, or easier somewhere else. This is “the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence” mentality. Or as another one of my friends calls it, the “chasing shining things syndrome.”

But what if life wasn’t always meant to be easy? What if sometimes, facing and embracing the difficult was actually the best choice?

I actually think there can be something powerful that happens when we make the decision to stay, even if it's hard or tough. Hanging in there has the ability to create a sense of perseverance within us, which can often lead to powerful moments of growth and development we never would have realized had we not stuck it out. It’s also possible that staying communicates a powerful message to the others who may be involved that we aren’t just committed to the situation, but more importantly, we are committed to them!

It is important to acknowledge there are times when leaving is the best choice (abuse, toxicity, manipulation, etc.), but those times are farther apart and less frequent than I think we realize. Most of the time, our desire to leave is simply rooted in wanting to make our lives more comfortable. Somehow, we think we deserve everything to come easy. The problem is, most of the really powerful and important seasons of growth and development in my life happened when I made the choice to hang in there and persevere.

In what areas of life are you wrestling with staying or going? What factors are you considering that are causing you to lean one way or the other? What might be the benefits of hanging in there and persevering, rather than taking the easy route out?

Sometimes the best choice we can make is to just hang in there!

Be Well, Stephen Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

EQ Relationship Management & Withness

We have been on a journey exploring the realm of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). Today I want to conclude this series by thinking about a leadership concept I call Withness. I believe this idea is a simple way to summarize Relationship Management.

First, a quick reminder of all we’ve covered. Growing our Emotional Intelligence begins with becoming more aware of our own emotions (Self-Awareness), which leads us toward learning how to manage those personal emotions (Self-Management). Once we’re growing in those personal ways, we become more aware of the emotions of those around us, recognizing that their emotions and our emotions, interconnect (Social Awareness). Finally, this growing awareness of the interconnectedness of all of our emotions, leads us to realize how we can impact and influence each other (Relationship Management).

And now, Withness.

This concept can best be summarized by the phrase, “We are in this together.” It recognizes that each one of us is actually better, healthier, more whole and balanced when we learn to support and encourage each other to be the best versions of ourselves.

Someone recently asked me, “What makes a healthy relationship?” I answered them by saying that it involves each person involved in the relationship working to bring out the very best version of the other people in the relationship. When everyone involved is making this goal of serving and supporting each other their priority, then everyone involved can actually grow and flourish.

While we were talking about this in the context of family and partnerships, I actually think this is true of all relationships. When we can remember that we are all in this together, and my ability to help you thrive is a part of what helps me thrive, we are all elevated, growing into the fullest version of ourselves.

Of course, the opposite can also be true. We can function from a place of being selfish rather than a place of withness. It’s possible for us to only think about ourselves and strive to make our lives better, regardless of how that may impact others. But Withness says, “Your wellbeing supports and encourages my wellbeing, and it also impacts our collective wellbeing together!”

As you go throughout your life today and this week, how would your words and actions be impacted if you were focused on Withness. Who are you connected to this week who needs your support and encouragement to be the best version of themselves? How might encouraging them help you be a better version of yourself?

Here’s to Withness - because we really are all in this together!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

EQ: Relationship Management & Conflict

We are continuing our journey through the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), remembering that our EQ can be grown and developed within us!

Last week we reflected on Relationship Management and how we can use our influence with others in a way that is honoring for them, for ourselves, and for our relationships. Today, a few thoughts about the role managing conflict plays in our relationships with others.

We need to start by admitting that when it comes to relationships, conflict is inevitable. I have a number of people I am close to in my life, and I can honestly say I don’t see eye-to-eye with them on everything. In fact, some of my most healthy relationships actually involve our ability to disagree and engage in healthy conflict management together. And that’s the most important lesson for today - there is such a thing as healthy conflict!

So, what does healthy conflict management look like? First, it remembers that everyone involved is a valuable person, and that just because we may have different ideas, that is about our ideas. Being in conflict over an idea doesn’t change the fact that everyone involved has value and are worthy of giving and receiving respect. Therefore, healthy conflict management remembers the personhood of everyone involved and focuses on the issue of our conflict in a way that honors each other.

Second, healthy conflict management works toward some version of a forward solution, which may at times, include a willingness to move forward without coming to agreement. In some of the leadership training I do with individuals and teams, we talk about finding a place of harmony rather than unity with others (ie. all singing the same song, but maybe not the same notes). We can look for the ways we can move forward into positive solutions, even if we aren’t in total agreement about all of the details or the reasons why we ended up here.

As we grow our EQ, especially in the realm of Healthy Relationship Management, it’s critical we remember conflict is inevitable; we are in conflict with real people who matter, we just happen to be in conflict over an issue; and, we can look for ways to move forward together in a positive direction.

How could we approach conflict differently if we worked to separate the issue from the person and we tried to find a place of forward harmony together?

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.