3 Views of Time

I don't know if you are familiar with the self-understanding tool known as The Enneagram, but I have started to study and learn more about it in recent months. One of the things I appreciate about it, is its acknowledgement toward an orientation of time. Basically, it recognizes that there are three orientations of time - the past, the present, and the future. Now I know that doesn't really seem like a huge insight, but what it sees is that most people have a tendency toward one of those as their default mode of thinking. In other words, some people tend to mostly view the world through a past orientation - looking at life through what has already happened. Some people tend to have a present view of time - looking at life in this moment and thinking about what they can do right now. And some people tend to view the world through a future lens - thinking mostly about what is coming or could be happening out in front of them.

No one only views their lives through their singular lens, but if we can determine our primary orientation to time, it can help us know ourselves and our tendencies more clearly so we don't get stuck into exaggerated patterns of thinking. Some illustrations to help.

Past-Orientation

People who have a default orientation of time toward the past have the great benefit of quickly learning from the past - from both positive and negative experiences. A Past-Oriented individual can easily learn from their mistakes and their victories, echoing the words of philosopher Soren Kierkegaard, "We live life forward, but we understand it backward." However, past-oriented people can also get stuck in the past, and when they do it can create lots of opportunities for regret to surface in their lives. If they aren't careful, those regrets can pile up and lead to a significant amount of despair.

Future-Orientation

People who have a default orientation of time toward the future can be some of the most strategic thinkers in the world. They have the amazing ability to see lots of possibilities and potential outcomes, and can help make critical decisions for today based on all of those options. And while their forward view of time can be very strategic, if future-oriented people get stuck in tomorrow-land, they open themselves up to significant amounts of worry and anxiety. They can get caught up in all the possibilities of what could be, creating a sense of paralysis in the present.

Present-Orientation

People who have a default orientation of time toward the present have an uncanny ability to live with a sense of calm and peace. Their gift is the ability to easily let go of the regret of the past and surrender the anxiety of tomorrow, and just be present in this moment. But, people with a present-orientation can also get stuck there, which limits their ability to learn from the past and to think strategically about the future. They can be so caught up in the now that they can't reflect and learn or project and choose wisely.

Hopefully, it's easy to see that each of the orientations to time have their own strengths and challenges. As we become more aware of our own primary default view we can better recognize when we are falling into the pitfalls of that perspective, and move toward drawing on the strengths of all of the views in a more balanced approach.

Which perspective is your default? Do you recognize the ways in which you tend to fall into its traps? How much are you drawing on the strength of your own perspective, and what would it look like if you also embraced the strengths of the other perspectives too?

Here's to being people this week who learn from yesterday, are peaceful today, and are strategic about tomorrow!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Embracing Paradox

During several recent meetings, I found myself revisiting an important lesson that has helped me on many occasions - being willing and able to embrace paradox in my life.

The basic idea of a paradox is when two things seem to be in contradiction or in opposition to each other, but can actually still be true at the same time. In the classic area of philosophy, paradox is used as a tool of reasoning. In this regard, you might hear examples like "It was the beginning of the end" or "If I know one thing, it's that I know nothing." However, most of us don't live in the world of philosophical ideas, but a willingness to embrace paradox can still be valuable because it can help us move past simple, binary thinking.

Binary thinking is actually critical to our growth and development when we are young, but as we get more mature, it's important that we recognize growing levels of complexity and even paradox. For example, I can both love my partner and be really mad at them at the same time. If I am stuck in binary thinking, then I can't be frustrated and love them at the same time.

When we bring this into the workplace or leadership environment, it's easy to see how embracing paradox through both/and thinking vs either/or thinking can be helpful. For example, I can acknowledge that it's possible for someone to have achieved a certain level of expertise AND still be able to learn and grow, vs getting stuck in a space where they are either competent OR they aren't. Additionally, it's possible to be frustrated by some of the systems that are in place AND still believe in the mission of what we are working to accomplish, vs thinking we are either fully on board with the organization OR we aren't.

When we embrace the either/or binary way of thinking, we create fictional limits that aren't very helpful. But, when we embrace the both/and paradoxical way of thinking, we create more freedom and room to live into nuance, balance and complexity.

What areas of your life are the most difficult to embrace the paradox of both/and? In what ways would you need to adjust your thinking to shift from a binary approach to one that is more nuanced? How might that create more freedom for you and for others?

Here's to embracing paradox this week!

Be Well, Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

I Was Wrong!

I've been thinking about some of the hard phrases we sometimes need to say in our lives: I'm sorry! I messed up! I was wrong! When I was a kid (I'm about to age myself significantly!), there was a show on TV called Happy Days. It had this character named The Fonz, or Fonzie. He was the super cool character on the show and one of his traits was he couldn't ever say, "I was wrong!" He was kind of famous for trying to say it, but always choked on the word wrong. "I was wwwwrrrrrrr...!" I actually think that is exactly the opposite reaction we need to have about being wrong. Let's face it, everyone is wrong at some point (some more than others!), and if we are willing to admit it, we can embrace a couple of important lessons. Admitting we are wrong can help strengthen our relationships. If we have a situation where we have clearly messed up with someone else, and we aren't willing to admit it, we are ultimately eroding trust in that relationship, especially since they most likely know we were wrong! But if we are willing to own our mistakes and acknowledge to others that we are wrong, and even apologize when it's necessary, we are actually increasing our bonds of trust with the other person. Owning up to it can help others know we are people of integrity and that we can be trusted. Admitting we are wrong can help us learn and grow. One of the significant lessons I try and help leaders understand is how important it can be to cultivate a culture where failure is welcomed. Most of the greatest life lessons I have ever learned came from moments when I was wrong or failed at something. But if we are unwilling to admit we are wrong or have messed up, then there isn't anything to actually learn from it! Acting as if everything is always fine is a recipe for disaster, but admitting we are wrong can help us be curious and learn from our mistakes. Which one of these lessons resonates with you the most today? Are there relationships in your life that are being eroded because you aren't willing to admit you are wrong or that you need to apologize if necessary? How could those relationships be strengthened with a simple acknowledgement of not being right? Are there places you are not being truthful with yourself, and as a result, you are missing out on some incredible learning opportunities? If you're a leader, in what ways are you helping to create a culture where failure is welcomed and not hidden or ignored? Maybe a good place to start is just to say it with me, "I was wwrrrrong!" Be Well, Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.