Connection

I know that last week I said I had one final idea to go along with my series on starting the new year well (Reflect, Project (the Verb), Grace, and Forward vs Failure), however, I thought of one more concept I wanted to share before we switch gears.

Connection

Most of what we have been thinking about these past few weeks involve how we are managing ourselves. That's actually critical, especially when we remember we really only have control over ourselves and our own choices and responses to others and life circumstances. We can certainly have some influence over others, but the hard reality is, we can't actually control anyone else, just ourselves.

While all of that is true, it's also incredibly important that we recognize we can't travel this journey of life on our own.  We really do need others to help us learn, grow and navigate this journey.  Therefore, it is vital that we make intentional connections with others who can be good partners and helpers in our lives.  Allow me to suggest two connections I think are absolutely necessary for us to live well.

Connections that Stretch Us

Do you have people in your life who make you think and cause you to stretch?  I have some individuals like that in my life and I have to admit that sometimes I wish they wouldn't challenge me! Life would be so much easier if they didn't ask hard questions or challenge my thinking.  But when I pause and reflect on how they have actually helped me with their questions, I am incredibly grateful! I know I wouldn't be half the person I am without them! Their willingness to connect with me in ways that challenge and stretch me, helps me to grow and develop into a much more balanced, stable, and emotionally healthy individual.

Connections that Support Us

Do you also have people in your life who are in your corner no matter what may be happening?  I've heard these people described as "my ride or die," or as "the people who will come when I call, no questions asked." I've got a few people like this in my life too, and wow am I thankful for them! I know that I can count on them to support me no matter what may be happening.  They'll do whatever they can, whenever they can.  However, it's often hard for me to ask them for help.  It's easy to fall into the trap of thinking I should be able to navigate most things on my own rather than remembering that if the tables were turned, I would be honored to offer them that kind of connecting support too! When I do remember and ask for help, I am always humbled and grateful for the ways in which these people offer me their deep love and support, and I am a much more balanced, stable, and emotionally healthy person as a result of their connection.

What other types of connections have you found to be helpful in your own journey?  Are there individuals you need to thank for being an important part of your life? Have you been neglecting some of those vital connections, trying to manage on your own without help and support? How could you take some intentional steps to strengthen those critical connections?

Here's to being people of Connection this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Forward vs Failure

In light of my recent messages related to ending and starting the new year well (Reflect, Project (the Verb), and Grace), I thought I would add one more idea for us.

Forward vs Failure

Last week we thought about how we can offer ourselves and others Grace when we encounter situations where our intentions aren't fully met. That is absolutely critical to helping us maintain the right internal perspective and it can lead us to some significant actions. But what happens when we flat out Fail (which, by the way, is part of the inevitable process of being human!)? How can we face failure in a way so it doesn't completely sabotage us?

I'm so glad you asked. Here's my short answer - just keep moving forward! That's it.

Allow me to expand on that just a bit. As a person who has experienced failure, I know how easy it can be to allow that failure to stop me in my tracks. It's so tempting to fall into a space of self-loathing and self-criticism, flooding myself with lots of "shoulds" and "woulds," and then sprinkling in a hearty dose of "now what's" and "way to go's!"  I can literally become paralyzed from forward movement by focusing so much on the failure that I just get stuck there.  

However, if I can remember that most of the time failure isn't actually fatal, and in fact some of my greatest lessons of learning have come through my failures, then I can start shifting my attention off of the failure and back onto what it means to keep moving forward. This simple act of shifting my focus from the failure to a simple next step, can often be all that is necessary to help me keep moving forward.

Allow me to use an exaggerated example, but I think you'll get the application. Let's say I just got pulled over by a law enforcement officer for a traffic violation. If I stay focused on the failure (the ticket in my hand), I could sabotage myself into greater paralysis by making the decision that, "I should just stop driving altogether! That will prevent me from ever getting a ticket ever again!"  OR...I could shift my focus from the failure toward a simple movement forward and decide I am going to pay more attention to my driving while I am driving. (I know, seems like a wild idea, but you know how easy it is to get somewhere and realize your mind was somewhere else while you were driving and you don't remember exactly how you got there!)

Of course, it's easy to see how this connects to so many other situations. If we stay focused on the failure, we can get stuck in that space and sabotage ourselves. But, if we pause and think about how to shift our attention back to some simple forward movement, we can keep going and maybe even learn some valuable lessons from our failures!

Do you have any failures that are currently keeping you stuck? How could you start to shift your focus toward a simple step forward to help get yourself going again?  If you started by offering yourself some grace, how could that be the first step in shifting your focus? Then, what action could you take as a result of that grace which helps to move you forward?

Here's to focusing on Forward vs Failure this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Grace!

Since we took some time to Reflect during the last week of the year, and then we considered what it means to Project (the Verb!) for the first week of the new year, I want to share a few thoughts with you this week on Grace.

As a person who has been involved in lots of spiritual conversations and discussions with people over the past 40 years, I can honestly say that the concept of grace is one that is often very difficult for people.  As a result, I have attempted to create my own definition for grace that I have refined and modified over time.  At this point in my journey, my current working definition for Grace is: "undeserved kindness or love, offered without strings attached."

If we proceed with this working definition (and I am happy to get feedback on how you think it could be better!), there are two key phrases we must consider.

Undeserved Kindness or Love

When we think about kindness and love being undeserved, it's important we make a distinction about worthiness.  I believe everyone is worthy of love and kindness, simply because they are here and a part of the human race. However, most of the time we tend to measure or judge whether or not a person or group (including ourselves!) deserves our love and kindness.  We may think that everyone is worthy of love, but do they actually deserve it, as if love and kindness is something that can be earned or won as a reward?! Grace is about offering kindness and love because of a person's worthiness, not whether they have actually earned or deserve it.  This leads to our second phrase.

Offered Without Strings Attached

Most of the time we are conditioned by our culture to think of our relationships in transactional terms.  "I will do this for you, if you will do that for me." We don't often say it out loud, but we offer kindness and love with an expectation that it will be received and returned by the way the other party responds, either now or in the future.  However, grace is about offering kindness and love without any expectation of return - without any strings attached.  It's simply given as a gift!

Now, you may be wondering what this has to do with taking time to Reflect at the end of the year and taking time to Project at the beginning of the year?  Great question! When we reflect on the past, it can be easy to focus on the ways we fell short or didn't measure up to some standard we thought we should achieve - our lack. And when we look forward and project into the new year, we can also set expectations for ourselves that can be sources of frustration and disappointment when we don't accomplish what we intended - our lack.  These are both powerful opportunities to offer Grace toward ourselves! Rather than focusing on the lack, what would happen if we just gave ourselves some underserved kindness and love, without string attached and said, "You are worthy of this love and kindness and you're doing great!  Here's to a new day tomorrow!"?

How could you offer grace to yourself this week?  What would it mean for you to believe you simply are worthy of love and kindness and you don't have to earn it?  How could you give yourself that gift and not expect anything in return for it?  Is there someone else you need to offer grace to this week? How could thinking about them as being worthy rather than deserving of love and kindness help you actually offer it to them without strings attached?

Here's to offering Grace to ourselves and others this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center.  We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you!  Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.