A Rare Gem

I was doing some traveling this week, which is part of why I am just now getting this message to you. But, that travel also is part of what brought on the seed of inspiration for this week's message, so here we go!

I was in Washington DC this week. I was asked to go and provide testimony before Congress about....HAHAHA!  NOT why I was there, but there was a lot of testifying before Congress happening while I was there! I was also involved in a number of individual conversations with some people I haven't ever met before. These two experiences - one on a more macro level (big spectacle) and some on a more micro level (person to person) reminded me of something:

Real Listening is A Rare Gem!

I'm sure you see the connection to some of the congressional hearings. Was anyone in those rooms really interested in listening? Maybe there were a few rare exceptions, but that actually helps to demonstrate my thoughts this week! However, I also saw it at the micro level. Several of the smaller settings also involved people giving answers and explaining why they were right about the topic being discussed. Again, there were some exceptions, but the people who were truly invested in actually listening was quite rare even in those smaller settings.

This has led me to think about why this is so rare.  To be honest, I want to be a person who breathes in that rare air of authentic listening, so if I can understand more about why it's so rare, maybe I can continue to grow and learn for myself how to be a better listener.  Here's what I've come up with so far, but would love to hear your learnings too!

Real listening is A Rare Gem because much of the time we are rooted in a scarcity mindset rather than approaching others with a spirit of generosity.

When we are rooted in a scarcity mindset, we think there is a limited amount of resources, ideas, kudos, blame, etc.  Who needs to get the credit? Who is to blame? There is only so much _____ to go around! It leads us to take up positions of protection and defense, and it quickly translates into division and separation. Of course this naturally leads us to stop listening to anyone who may be outside of our little echo chamber!

However, if we are willing to adopt a more generous spirit when it comes to others, it opens us up and creates room for everyone.  We recognize that our opinions/ideas/resources are not the only ones out there. We learn that by opening ourselves up to other possibilities we take the cap off the limits of what could be. We discover that by working together we may be able to create something that would be so much better than either of us or our groups could have come up with on our own. This spirit of generosity allows us to let down our defenses and stop worrying so much about protecting our position, so we can stop and truly listen to the other voices around us.

It's important for me to acknowledge how difficult this is for me (us)! There are certain settings and contexts, and even certain types of people that seem to naturally draw me back into a scarcity mindset, and I have to work very hard to see if I can recover a spirit of generosity there.  But that is hard work I believe is worthy of my heart and my attention. It is effort that lets me dig up and find that Rare Gem of Real Listening as a great starting point for ongoing growth and connection.

How about you? Are there certain circumstances, people or groups who tend to draw you back into a scarcity mindset? What kind of tools do you use to help you work to recover your spirit of generosity? Where have you witnessed the Rare Gem of Real Listening this week and how could you apply some of what you saw in that situation in your own heart and life?

Here's to finding and using the Rare Gem of Real Listening in our lives!

Be Well,

Stephen

PS - Don't forget, Decompression is one tool where you can work on finding the Rare Gem of Real Listening (among other things), so please don't hesitate to reach out!  To book an individual session, chat with your manager or supervisor about an appropriate time, then follow this link to a confidential scheduling page on my calendar and choose either the Zoom or in-person option.  You can also reach out via email or my cell phone (call or text), and I would be happy to work together to find a time and location that works well for you.