The Adult Table

I was chatting with a leader recently and they were expressing some ways in which they have been growing in their confidence. At one point in our conversation they said, "Honestly, it feels like I am finally getting to sit at the adult table." That made me smile and I immediately wrote it down with this message in mind.

You remember the kids' table versus the adult table at big family gatherings. All the adults get to sit together and have adult conversations, while the kids are sectioned off in their own corner to goof around and feed their vegetables to the dog. And then you get to a certain age where you think you're old enough to move up to the big table, but you're still stuck at the other one. You get annoyed with the "little kids" you are forced to sit with, and you keep finding reasons to get up from the table and wander over to the adult table and hang around listening and longing to be included.  But, after a few tortuous years, you get the invitation to join the adult table for the whole meal! What a thrill (except for that time you thought it would be funny to join in and tell that joke you heard at school last week, and your parent gives you the evil, stink-eye the whole time you're telling the story)!  You finally feel like you have arrived and your presence matters. Now, I realize this scenario isn't perfect in describing all of reality, because the kids at that table still matter too. But for our purposes here, I want to focus in on that sense of confidence that comes with growing competency.

When we start working on something new or leading a new team or change process, it can feel like we're standing on shaky ground. But with time and experience, our level of competency grows. We have a better sense of what we are doing and how to approach this task or situation. It's not totally new anymore, and that sense of growing competency results in a greater sense of confidence.  We don't have to feel as anxious when we walk into meetings or spaces. We know what we are doing, and it helps us show up in the fullness of who we are.  It's like finally getting to sit at the Adult Table!  

As you reflect on this idea, where do you have that sense of growing confidence because your competency has also been increasing?  Are there spaces you are still showing up like the middle schooler hanging around the edges of the adult table just waiting to join in, and if so, how could you lean on your growing competencies to help you be more confident and show up in the fullness of who you truly are?  What would it take for you to lean in and show up believing that you finally get to sit at the Adult Table?

Here's to continuing to learn and grow in our competency so we can show up with confidence at the Adult Table!

Be Well,

Stephen

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