Happy Monday!
We are continuing our journey through the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ), remembering that our EQ can be grown and developed within us!
Last week we reflected on Social Awareness as it relates to organizational and team morale, and reminded ourselves that the biggest question in morale is, “What impact am I making on morale?” Today, I want to share some initial thoughts on the fourth layer of Emotional Intelligence - Relationship Management.
A little recap may help. As we become more aware of our own emotions (Self-Awareness), and we begin to learn how to manage those personal emotions (Self-Management), we also become more aware of the emotions of those around us and that their emotions and our emotions, interconnect (Social Awareness). With this growing awareness of the interconnectedness of all of our emotions, it’s possible to learn and grow in our ability to have significant impact on how those connections unfold (Relationship Management).
The first thing we must notice in this area, is that this is about wielding influence, not manipulation or control. We can only control ourselves, not anyone else, despite what we may wish! For example, if we are in a difficult conversation and we say, “You made me feel….” that isn’t actually accurate. What’s really true is, the other person’s words/emotions/actions created a reaction in me, but I am in charge of what I am going to do with those reactions and how I am going to feel about them. We don’t control others and they don’t control us, but we certainly do have a significant impact and influence on one another. That means we must be very careful with that influence!
We can attempt to use our influence to manipulate another person into doing what we want, but none of us appreciate being manipulated, so we want to avoid that if possible. That’s why one of the guides I try and employ for myself is to ask the question, “How can I use my influence in a way that is honoring? To them? To myself? To the situation?” Put another way, “I am going to have an impact with my influence, so how can I work to make sure my impact is positive and honoring in this situation?”
There are a few more layers with Relationship Management I want to cover, but we’ll save that for next week. In the meantime, perhaps we can all consider how our influence is honoring? To others? To Ourselves? To the situation?
Be Well,
Stephen
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