Listen AND Hear

I was recently spending time with a group of leaders, and the organizer of the group posed a question they wanted everyone in the group to reflect on and answer. It was a great question, and everyone had very thoughtful answers that made a significant impact on the team. During the sharing process, there was a moment that really stood out to me. When one person finished sharing, they would call on the next person to take their turn. During one of those transitions, the next person to share said, "Oh! I was really trying to listen and hear what everyone was saying, and I forgot what I was going to share!" It only took them a few moments and they were able to recall what had been on their mind, but that small phrase really stuck with me.

"I was really trying to Listen AND Hear."

I think part of the reason that stood out to me was because of how many times I have been in similar settings and I'm listening to someone else, but my mind is actually focused on what I am going to say so I am not really hearing them. I may be listening, but am I really hearing too?

I know of another leader who uses this cool demonstration in a group setting to help illustrate this exact point. They give everyone name tags at the beginning of the session and then at some point they divide the group into two teams and ask them to take opposite sides of an issue and debate. After a few minutes, they ask everyone to swap name tags with the person across from them and now speak from the perspective of the person whose name tag they are now wearing. Most of the time there is just a lot of fumbling and stumbling because they all realize they were so invested in forming their side of the argument, they weren't really Listening AND Hearing the other participants.  They may have been listening, but their mind was actually focused on what they were going to say next.

"I was really trying to Listen AND Hear."

There are so many situations that come to my mind where this practice of Listening AND Hearing would make a significant impact - situations with my spouse and my kids; one-on-one conversations where my mind can get distracted by so many other things and lose the gift of staying present with the other person; even community settings where it feels like we've abandoned any attempts at actually Listening, let alone Hearing!

How about you? Where are the settings that you could lean into this practice of both Listening AND Hearing? Is there a particular situation where you tend to Listen, but your mind is actually focused on what you are going to say next, so you've stopped Hearing?  How could you work on both Listening AND Hearing?

Here's to working on Listening AND Hearing this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

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