MINE vs NOT MINE

I've been thinking and talking with a number of people in the last week about a simple exercise that at various times of my life I have found very helpful. Maybe it will be helpful for you too!

Start by grabbing a blank sheet of paper and making two columns on it. Label one side "Mine" and the other side "Not Mine." You should end up with something like this:

     MINE                              NOT MINE

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

Now, think about a situation that is currently causing you some struggle or that is creating some confusion or tension. As an act of helping to bring some clarity to this situation, take some time to write on the left side the parts of this situation that you have control over - the stuff you can actually do something about. Then on the right side of the paper write down all the facets of this situation that you can't actually do anything about - the things that are out of your control.

When I take time to engage in this exercise, I often get surprised at how few items end up on the left side of the paper and how many things end up on the right side! I also quickly recognize that on the left are things like my reactions, my words and actions, my choices, etc., and then everything else ends up on the other side of the line - other people's choices, what has already happened, decisions made by other individuals or organizations. What I also quickly notice is that most of my tension or struggle comes from trying to take more control over things that are on the right side of the line, but that I actually can't really do anything about! My tension comes from trying to move things from the NOT MINE side to the MINE side!

Now that we have the lists in front of us, we are going to take one more step.  Underneath the left side, write the word "Act" and underneath the right side, write the words "Let go." 

     MINE                              NOT MINE

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

      ACT                               LET GO

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

                                 I

As we consider the items that are MINE, we can write down specific actions we can take to engage with this situation - concrete steps we can actually take that are under our control. We can also write down ways we can work to Let Go of the items on the right side of the page that we don't have any control over. 

What I have discovered every time I have engaged in this exercise, and what I encouraged the people I was talking to about this tool this week, was the ways it simplifies things. So much of the tension I feel about these situations immediately diminishes by just being clear about what's Mine vs what's Not Mine!

How about you? What circumstance comes to your mind that would be helpful to map out on this paper? What kind of clarity might arise simply by taking 5 minutes to grab that sheet of paper and make these two columns? 

Here's to being clear with ourselves about what's MINE vs NOT MINE this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

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