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  • Writer's pictureStephen

We are continuing our journey through the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). As I shared, one of the exciting realities of EQ is the fundamental belief that it can be grown and developed within us.


Today I want to share some thoughts on the second component of EQ, Self-Management.

Once we have started by becoming aware of our emotions and their impact on us (Self-Awareness), the next step is to learn how to better manage those emotions within ourselves. This is the essence of Self-Management - learning how to better navigate our personal emotions so they don’t circumvent and short-circuit our lives. This can take the form of gaining more control over our emotions, adapting our responses to them, and even adjusting our outlook to see our emotions as positive helpers/indicators.


For example, we might be in line at a store and someone cuts in front of us and we have an emotional reaction to it. Through our growing Self-Awareness we notice and get curious about the emotion of being upset or frustrated. But when we move into the space of Self-Management, we decide if we want to act on that emotion and say something to the person. Or perhaps we might decide to make a generous assumption about the person and believe they didn’t notice us in line. We might even Self-Manage and use this experience to recognize how important a sense of fairness is to us. The bottom line of Self-Management in EQ is allowing ourselves to grow in our ability to be in control of our emotions, instead of allowing our emotions to control us!


One of the tools I find very helpful in these first two stages of Emotional Intelligence is the wheel of emotions.



You may have seen (or used!) something like this before, but as we more clearly identify what we are exactly feeling (“I’m not just mad that person cut me off in line, I’m actually frustrated that I am not being treated fairly!”), we can take more effective steps to be in control of our emotions, rather than letting them control us.


Next week we’ll consider how we can become more aware of other people’s emotions, but for this week, perhaps the first step in Self-Management is to learn to step back from the emotions we are experiencing, and attempt to look at them from a distance. This will help us start to get them under our control, instead of us being under their control.


As we step back from our emotions, we will already be working to increase our Self-Management and our EQ!


Be Well,

Stephen


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  • Writer's pictureStephen

Happy Monday!


Last week I introduced the concept of Emotional Intelligence (EQ). As I shared, one of the exciting realities of EQ is the fundamental belief that it can be grown and developed within us.


Today I want to share some thoughts on the first component of EQ, Self-Awareness.



This is really the beginning point of understanding and growing our emotional intelligence. In its simplest form, Self-Awareness is all about noticing and becoming more aware of our own, personal emotions as they happen and unfold in us, and then being able to identify what they are and how they are impacting us.


For example, we might be in line at a store and someone cuts in front of us and we have an emotional reaction to it. The reaction is normal and not really controllable in the moment, but when we engage our Self-Awareness we notice that we are having an emotional reaction, which allows us to become curious about it. “I am experiencing an emotional reaction right now. What am I feeling? What is it about this situation that caused this reaction? What is it doing in my physical body (red face, pressure in my chest, knot in my stomach, etc.)?”


Next week we’ll consider the power of being able to specifically name our emotions, but for this week, perhaps the first step is simply to pay attention. Take time to notice when we are experiencing an emotional reaction, and then, get curious about it. Step back from it (just a little) and ask some questions. “Where did this come from? What am I feeling? What physical reaction is it causing? Why did this situation bring that out?”


As we start to pay attention, we will already be working to increase our Self-Awareness and our EQ!


Be Well,

Stephen

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  • Writer's pictureStephen

Most of us are aware of the idea of IQ - the score associated with a person's intelligence. However, in the past several years, a new field of study has emerged related to another measurement known as EQ - Emotional Intelligence. One of the fundamental beliefs about a person’s IQ is that it is static, or fixed. In contrast, one of the exciting components of EQ is the fundamental belief that it can be grown and developed.


Today I want to launch a series of messages outlining just what EQ is, and how we can work to grow and strengthen it in our lives. For this first installment, I simply want to share the four components that make up Emotional Intelligence, and then we will take a closer look at each one over the next several weeks.

Emotional Intelligence (EQ) is comprised of Self-Awareness, Self-Management, Social Awareness, and Relationship Management. Each of these layers build on one another, so the beginning point for growth is increasing our awareness of our own emotions (Self-Awareness), then learning how to manage those emotions (Self-Management). From there we become more aware of emotion in others (Social Awareness) and learn how to manage emotion within those relationships (Relationship/Social Management).

Here is a simple chart to illustrate:



Some initial thoughts to ponder: Is this a new idea, and if so, what does it bring up? Is there someone you think might have a high EQ - they seem emotionally intelligent? What qualities and characteristics do they possess that lead you to think that about them? Where do you think your EQ might be? What would it take for it to grow in your life, and what impact might that make?


One of the things I love about studying EQ is that no matter where an individual may be, growth is possible! As a certified Emotional Intelligence Coach, I'd love to chat with you about that journey of growth. Feel free to reach out for a free 30-minute consultation if you're interested!

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