What's Your Story?

Do you know how you can hear an idea from somewhere and the idea sticks in your brain but the source doesn't?! I was watching/listening to something during the past few days and they asked a question that really stuck out to me - "What is the story of your life you are writing?"

I'm actually a huge fan of stories because I love how they shape us. It's part of the reason I am always very curious about people's tattoos because almost all the time there is a great story connected to a person's tattoo! And that's how I tend to think about a person's life story, it's from the past. Their story is what has happened so far in their life which has helped to mold and shape them into the current person they are now.

So, when this question was posed in the future-tense related to story, I think that's why it stood out to me! If my story isn't complete but is still unfolding, it means I get to be an active participant in helping to shape it each day of the rest of my life. Regardless of what may have happened in my past, whether that be through the choices of others or the ways I chose to respond to life events, and regardless of what life may throw at me today or tomorrow, I get to be an active participant in shaping my story as it continues to unfold.

I guess another way to express this revelation I felt would be to say that most of the time I think about my story as being something that happens to me from a passive perspective, rather than me getting to be an active participant in it. And while it is true there are a lot of things that come into my life that I have no control over, I get to decide what I am going to do with them once they arrive. I get to choose how to respond. I get to decide how to act and react. I get to be the one who helps to form and make meaning from what life brings my way, and that feels very empowering!

If I were to ask you today, "What's your story," would your tendency to be like me and think about what's already happened? What if you could shift your vision of your story today to a more future-focused perspective - one in which you are empowered to help shape it? What kind of an impact would that have on your outlook today? What story are you writing today? Be Well, Stephen PS - That's a cool tattoo! Tell me about it. Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Shoshin - The Beginner's Mind

I was doing some reading and reflecting last week, and came across the concept of the Beginner's Mind in several different ways, so it made me do a little digging on the origin's of this concept.

The term itself is the Japanese word Shoshin, made up of the two characters for beginner and mind, rooted in the ancient practice of Zen Buddhism. It was popularized in the English-speaking world through the 1970 book, Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind, by Shunryu Suzuki. One of the things he wrote to summarize Shoshin was, "in the beginner's mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert's mind there are few."

I think part of the reason I was drawn to this idea is because I am getting ready to turn 55. That feels like a significant milestone, or at least a good reason to do some self-reflection! One of the conclusions I have come to in this reflection (so far!), is that I don't want to become "set in my ways" as I continue to mature. I want to be a life-long learner. Someone who lives from a place of curiosity and openness, rather than being closed and thinking I already have everything figured out.

I think maintaining a child-like beginner's mind is one of the ways to do that. It certainly doesn't discount all of the learning I have already received, or the experiences I have already encountered. It just means I continue to remind myself that there is still a lot of room to grow and learn and adapt as life continues to unfold.

How about you? Where are the places in your life it would be helpful to embrace the beginner's mind perspective? Are there situations or relationships that you think are set in stone and there is no room for growth? What would it mean to approach those with a mindset that looked for new angles or possibilities you haven't considered before?

Today is a good day for Shoshin - The Beginner's Mind! Be Well, Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

The Suffering Olympics

Last week I focused on one of the pitfalls of comparing ourselves and our lives to the “shiny” world of social media. This week I want to focus on another dangerous comparison game we can sometimes play - comparative suffering.

The Urban Dictionary has a term and definition for this - The Suffering Olympics: The pointless endeavor of comparing different tragedies or histories of oppression to one another by attempting to quantify the suffering and/or injustice of each, so as to determine which tragedy was more tragic, or which oppressed peoples were more unjustly oppressed.

Please understand, I am not in ANY way attempting to diminish the authentic suffering that individuals and groups encounter. Sometimes it is actually quite easy to identify real suffering, especially when it is happening to us or to people we love and care about. The danger of competing in the Suffering Olympics comes when we are using it as a way to justify just how bad our suffering is, like it’s some kind of an award to win! Suffering is actually a universal reality. It's impossible to exist in this world and not experience suffering of some kind, and the truth is, regardless of how my suffering may compare to yours, my suffering is authentic to me. It's real, and it is making an impact on me.

Since this is true, the most important question then becomes, how am I going to respond to this suffering I am experiencing? And a powerful second question is, how do I want to support you in whatever suffering you may be experiencing? When we can remove ourselves from the Suffering Olympics, we can shift our attention to responding to it in healthy ways in us, and supportive ways in others.

Where have you been tempted to compete in the Suffering Olympics? What would it look like for you to shift from trying to compare your suffering to the suffering of others, and instead figure out how to respond in healthy ways to your own challenges, and supportive ways to the pain and hardship of those around you?

Here's to not winning the Suffering Olympics!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in executive coaching and leadership development and we’d love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.