Other-Centeredness

I am thankful for an opportunity to take some time away from some of my regular routines and experience extended time with family and friends over the previous two weeks. I am also grateful for the privilege of popping back into your inbox with a weekly message of challenge and encouragement.

I was recently reviewing some information about a program that is taking new approaches to measuring community impact.*  Through their research they have discovered the power and long-term impact of people who have the quality of "Other-Centeredness." Here's how they define it:

Other-Centeredness - An intrinsic and demonstrable interest in making the lives of others around you better, in addition to your own.

If I were to say it a different way, Other-Centeredness is about shifting our attention up and out from ourselves in a way that allows us to see, notice, and engage with those who are around us for the purpose of helping them grow and move forward in their lives, while we also keep growing too.

A simple/silly illustration. I don't exactly remember where I learned this, probably from my folks growing up, or from some of my early days of interacting with my wife's family (or from a combination of both of those), but I have this value that I try and practice that if I borrow someone's car I leave it better than when I got it.  Sometimes that means I'll just run it through the car wash or fill up the tank with gas.  Maybe I'll take some time to wipe down the dash or vacuum it out.  It's something I try and practice with anything I borrow from someone, not just their car, and I realize it's a simple illustration, but in my mind and heart this is driven by a desire to make other people's lives a little bit better.

For many of us, the entire focus of our work is to help lift the well-being of others. However, I know how easy it can be to lose sight of that overall purpose and get caught up in the routines and tasks that are piled up in front of us.  A session with a client can turn into, "Who's next?" A phone call to follow up on a conversation can easily just become another call to check off the list. In fact, I'm working on a scheduling task right now that involves various individuals and it's so easy for me to just see my spreadsheet as boxes I have to fill, forgetting there are real people attached to each of those boxes.

While it's easy for our focus to shift away from being Other-Centered, I think it is just as easy to shift back toward it.  Taking time to use a person's name when we are talking to them can be a good way to refocus our attention on them and how we might be able to lift them up a little. Perhaps we could adjust our attention from the devices in our hands and actually look up and make direct eye contact with the person in front of us. Maybe we overhear someone remark about how hard their week has been, and we leave them a small note on their desk to let them know we appreciate them. Who knows, maybe you could ask to borrow a friend's car just so you can wipe off the dash and fill up their tank, not because you need it!

What would it take for you to shift your attention and move toward taking an intrinsic and demonstrable interest in making the lives of the people around you better?

Here's to being Other-Centered this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

*Pawlicki, C., Mahar, K., Tanner, D., Wylie, H. & Phillips, S. (2024). Understanding the Phenomenon: A Qualitative Investigation of the McConnell Scholars Program, Shasta College Attainment and Innovation Lab for Equity and The McConnell Foundation.

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