The Weight

Sometimes I wish I had a pair of X-Ray Glasses. No, not the ones that would let me see through walls or outfits, but the kind of glasses that would let me see the emotional Weight people are carrying around with them. 

I am personally aware of 5 different people who are currently in various hospitals around the country, and each one of those individuals touches countless other lives - spouses, children, extended family, friends, etc.  I have another friend who has two vehicles and both of them had mechanical issues on the same day!  I know people who just lost jobs, people who are looking for jobs, and another person who just had to let someone go. I even know someone whose dog got sprayed by a skunk just before they were leaving to go to the airport on a trip and they didn't have time to change their clothes or they were going to miss their flight!

It's all Weight people are carrying.

It might be tempting to think that because my job involves having personal conversations with lots of people that I happen to know more stories like this than others.  While that may be partially true, the more important point for us to consider today is, if we could put on these special X-Ray glasses and we looked around, we would notice that everyone is carrying some emotional Weight around with them.  Sometimes the Weight might not be as heavy as others, and sometimes it's extra heavy, but I think these glasses would show that everyone is carrying something! 

Now let's say we all had on a pair of these special glasses and we could see this Weight we are all carrying around. I wonder how that might impact the way we talk to one another or how we interact with others - even strangers? Maybe we would be a lot quicker to extend grace to someone who was acting grumpy or got frustrated quickly? Perhaps we might smile more or take a few extra moments to just pause with someone and let them know we are in their corner? Maybe we would be willing to accept the kindness of others because they could see the Weight we were carrying instead of just acting like everything was fine?!

While the glasses would be an awesome reminder, the reality is, we all know this is true for all of us right now. Everyone is carrying something! How might the reality of that Weight impact the way you interact with people around you this week? If you are leading a team or facilitating a meeting, would this change the way you approach those individuals or that session? When you get frustrated with a situation or find yourself having a short fuse, would you give yourself some extra kindness and grace knowing the Weight you are carrying yourself?

Here's to being mindful of The Weight in all of our lives this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

UnFiltered Reality

Have you seen those posts on social media where they show the filtered version of the picture, but then they also show the "reality" version? 

Filtered: "Here we are at this amazing, exotic location with no one else around!" 

UnFiltered Reality: "Here we are with all the people who were also there that we had to crop out of the photo!"

In some ways, I think the flood of images on social media has almost created an unrealistic expectation of what life is supposed to look like! The problem is, Reality doesn't automatically come with a Filter. We may try to add it, either to fit in or to be polite, but what it inevitably does is insulate us from making real, vulnerable connections.

For example, I was chatting with a colleague last week and we were remarking how the question, "How are you?" has basically lost all of its meaning in our world. It's essentially just a polite platitude we use in place of hello. Most of the time we aren't looking for a real answer when we ask it, and we often don't give a real answer when we are asked - it's usually just a simple, "I'm fine, How are you?" in return. 

But what if we decided to remove the Filters a bit and leaned a little more into Reality? Don't get me wrong, I'm not asking for oversharing (we've all met those people in the line at the grocery store!), but I do think some genuine curiosity combined with some authentic vulnerability, can go a long way to making better connections. I also think this is true if we are leaders, friends, partners, parents, colleagues, etc. This is about opening ourselves up and inviting others around us to open up to the common space of simply being human together - a little bit of UnFiltered Reality!  

As you think about your life and the possible connections around you this week, where might you take an extra moment to be a little curious and ask, "Seriously, how are you?" and then wait for an unfiltered answer? If you get asked that question yourself this week, how would you answer it in a more authentic and vulnerable way? Are there individuals in your life that you know are experiencing some extra strain, and if so, what could you do to check in with them in an unfiltered way?

Here's to leaning into UnFiltered Reality just a little bit more this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.

Stoic Self-Discipline

I was chatting with a friend last week and we were talking about a project he is working on related to trying to get better control of his time.  He works in a job that has lots of moving parts and his email and phone can beep and ring at any minute, shifting his attention to something “more pressing.” We talked about some strategies for managing his calendar and ways to navigate the “emergencies” that pop up so that he is working to be more proactive rather than reactive in his weekly schedule.  

I have to admit, it wasn’t a conversation just for him! So much of our chat resonated in my own heart and life too.

Our discussion was primarily driven by our desire to be people who live from our values, trying to live with some real intention and purpose in our lives.  This is what’s at the heart of the fourth pillar of Stoicism: Self-Discipline. While I have enjoyed thinking about the three previous pillars of Stoicism during this series, Wisdom, Justice, and Fortitude, this fourth pillar seems to really hit home for me.

The Stoics didn't think of Self-Discipline as harsh self-control or deprivation. They understood it as the practice of aligning our actions with our deeper values, which actually creates more freedom, not less. When my friend and I choose to react to all of the pop-ups in our lives rather than focus on being proactive, we aren’t really choosing freedom—we are choosing the path of least resistance. But that choice takes us away from something we actually value more: the satisfaction of working with greater purpose and alignment. Self-Discipline, in the Stoic sense, would be choosing to honor that deeper value even when the easier option is to react to the pop-ups.

I’m sure it’s not hard for you to imagine that these kinds of conversations happen regularly with leaders. They say they value being present with their teams, but then admit they check emails during one-on-one meetings. Or they'll say work-life balance is important, but they often work late and miss family dinners or activities. And I resonate with every one of those conversations! It’s not that we're bad people—we’re just choosing the immediate over the important.

The beautiful thing about Self-Discipline is that it's not about perfection. It's about practice. When I catch myself reacting instead of focusing with purpose, I try not to beat myself up. Instead, I work to notice it, remember my deeper intentions and values, and make a different choice the next day (or hour!). Some days I succeed, some days I don't, but the practice itself is what builds the muscle.

Self-Discipline is the daily practice of choosing what matters most, even when what matters least is easier.

What deeper values do you hold that aren't always reflected in your daily choices? Where in your life could practicing Self-Discipline actually create more freedom and alignment? Is there a small, daily practice you could commit to that would help you live more in line with who you want to be?

Here's to practicing Self-Discipline like a Stoic this week!

Be Well,

Stephen

Center was created to support individuals and teams so they can live from their Purposeful Center. We specialize in professional coaching and leadership development and we'd love to support you! Click on our Services page to book a free consultation.